I'd Like to Buy You a Drink |
April 1998 Vol. 54 No. 11 |
A few short months out of treatment, I was a novice in sobriety and moving back to the community where I'd reached the culmination of my thirty-year drinking career. Fear was my constant companion. I was afraid to walk past the dives that at one time had been my asylums of escape from the world of reality. I also had the constant fear of being alone, because in the past I'd chosen not to associate with anyone who wasn't also getting drunk, and therefore, I knew no one else in my own hometown. My greatest fear, however, was of running into someone I did know, not knowing if I'd have the strength to say no when they invited me for a drink for the sake of old times.
My best day sober was the day my greatest fear was realized. After three weeks of living an agoraphobic lifestyle, I was forced, out of necessity, to go to town to do some shopping. I rushed to find the items on my list and was finally finished with the most terrifying shopping excursion of my life and was headed for the checkout stand when I froze in fear. Standing in front of the only exit in the store stood "Good Ol' John," the best drinking buddy I'd ever had, and the one person I knew I couldn't say no to if he offered me a drink.
I stood frozen as I prayed to my Higher Power: "Please give me the gift of invisibility." As I stood waiting for the Big Eraser from the sky to obliterate me from that spot, John started toward me. Every hope I had of staying sober shattered. The taste of fear was strong in my mouth.
Then John was right in front of me, flashing that old familiar smile. As my life passed before my eyes, the words "Easy Does It" jumped out at me from the front of his cap, and I heard him say, "I have something I need to talk to you about." As he continued talking, I heard him say, "I belong to a Fellowship that I really think you need to know about." My knees started to turn to rubber as he continued: "I'm a member of a group called Alcoholics Anonymous, and I'd like to buy you a drink--a good strong cup of black coffee--and tell you about it." With great effort I was able to get out the words: "I'm also a member of AA!"
Both of us started laughing as we headed out the door, arm in arm, as in the good old days--only this time we were headed for the nearest coffee shop, not the nearest bar. (I'd forgotten all about the things I was going to buy and left my shopping cart in the aisle!) After five hours of drinking coffee and talking about AA, I headed home on a higher high than I've ever experienced.
That was the day one of my dragons of fear was slain. I never again needed to live in the fear of walking past one of my old hangouts or meeting an old drinking friend. I could walk down the street knowing my Higher Power walked with me.
John became my sponsor as well as my lifelong friend. Many years have passed since that day; John and I have often been separated by many miles, but we've continued to walk side by side in the spirit of AA.
