From the July 2011 magazine.

At the Crossroads of My Alcoholism

He had reached that place where he couldn't imagine life with alcohol, nor life without it

"I had given up on life and couldn't comprehend living and still drinking."

In March of 2007, I finally surrendered and knew that my life could never be the same. I realized I could no longer control my drinking, or deny the fact that my life was a train wreck.

I was totally hopeless. I had given up on life and couldn't comprehend living and still drinking, let alone life without my only friend, alcohol. The blackouts, rage and consequent arrests were coming in more rapid succession. I was certainly beyond human understanding or aid and after being released from my latest arrest, I found myself walking on a snowy highway before dawn. I was hoping a tractor trailer would do me a favor, run me down and finally put me out of my misery. I was at the crossroads.

-- Gary C.

Woodstown, New Jersey

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