Grapevine Online Exclusive

Published December 2011.

Web Exclusive: Me, Myself, and I

After getting sober, she realized that she wasn't the only person who felt separate

In my second year of sobriety, I stumbled on a story in the Big Book called "Keys to the Kingdom." In it, I read, "there is no more aloneness, with the awful ache so deep in the heart of every alcoholic that nothing before ever could reach it. The ache is gone and never need return again."

Aloneness was different than loneliness for me. Aloneness is that feeling of being all alone, no one understands, no one knows the suffering I've endured and no one really is like me. I had these feelings that no one seemed to acknowledge. Maybe I really was different, I mean really, really different. Maybe that's why people couldn't understand me. I felt so apart from the human race. The way I saw it, they seemed to be comfortable and at ease with each other. I certainly didn't feel that way. They didn't seem to be driven like I was.

-- Annemette O.

Okanogan, Washington

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