From the February 2014 magazine.

February 2014: My Own Private Hell

He couldn't stop and he was drinking mouthwash, until AA gave him the key to get free

I was a heavy drinker from an early age. So I came into AA at 16, fresh from a recovery home. After that, I went in and out until I was 40 years old.

Like many who relapse, I was not ready to let go of the idea that I could control my own life. I long knew that I was a classic case, but I would never submit to the AA way of life. I thought myself to be a smart, logical person, and I was sure that to relinquish my own way of doing things would make me, as the literature says, a hole in a doughnut.

-- Anonymous

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