Magazine

From the June 2014 magazine.

My Last Amend

After 40 years and a beautiful life, an old-timer returns to her mother’s grave

Some things take time. Some things take a lot of time—like 40 years. The last thing on my amends list that I was just unable to face, I finally did. I’ve been blessed to learn in this program that my life is rich because of the people in it. I was able to do this last amend, not with my husband or children or any relatives who knew my mother, but with members of my sponsorship family. Three women took me to her gravesite an hour away from where I live, which I hadn’t visited since the day I buried her 40 years ago.

My mother had committed suicide the same day that I had an abortion. She was a poor lost soul who had no one who loved her in a healthy way, and no hope. She was 52 years old and all alone in the world, wandering constantly and never finding any peace. She could not break the chains that bound her. The day of her burial there was nothing that could dull my pain. It was the worst day of my life. I remember drinking martini after martini, but I couldn’t get drunk.

-- Anonymous

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