Grapevine Online Exclusive

Published June 2014.

To See the Moon and Stars

She thought God had abandoned her when she went to prison. But that was the beginning of her sobriety

I truly did not believe that I could ever get and stay sober for any length of time. I was convinced that I fell into the "constitutionally incapable of being honest" group. I had tried many times since 2003, to get sober, but failed miserably. Why? Well, because I drank. Also, I struggled with believing in God so I could never get past the First Step.

I knew my life was a mess, and that I was supposed to stop drinking, but I could not figure out how to find this "God of my understanding." I tried but was not able to feel any connection. I worked with a sponsor, talked to a priest, went to holy places, listened to self-help videos, went to church, studied about different religions, started prayed, stopped praying, tried to hide from God, tried to do good services in order for him to recognize that I existed.

-- Kari E.

Athens, Georgia

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