Magazine

From the January 2015 magazine.

Divorce, Alcoholic Style

She knew the minute she said “I do” that this wedding wasn’t going to end well

I grew up full of fear, self-doubt, shyness, self-consciousness, anxiety and fear of insanity. After graduating high school and completing business school, I secured a job, met Wayne, and decided to marry him and fix him. That was a bad idea—and I knew it. Walking down the aisle dressed all in white, alarms went off inside me. While I was kneeling at the altar, in order to silence the noise I came up with a solution: I’ll get a divorce! We then stood up and I said, “I do.”

Two years later, I went to work for a divorce attorney. Voilà! I had brought about what I had thought about. Six months after the divorce, around the time that would have been our wedding anniversary, I fell into a deep depression. All my resentments toward my ex-husband turned on me. I had not fixed Wayne, and I saw that I could not fix myself. My fears really multiplied, and I began to fear for my sanity.

-- Bonnie K.

Phoenix, Arizona

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