Magazine

From the April 2015 magazine.

A Long Overdue Amends

A member learns to take care of her body so she can pass on the AA message

This is the 25th year of my freedom from alcohol. As I write this, I’m in a wonderful little motel, trying to make long overdue amends to my poor old body, which has taken me everywhere—even though I poisoned it for years.

I want to make amends to the legs that walked me out of hell and that walked me into a room full of miracles. I want to make amends to my arms because—though I battered and bruised them when I used them as battering rams on anyone who got too close—they are the same arms that now reach out to give a hug, or to get one. I want to make amends to the hands that dutifully obeyed when I reached for a bottle, so I could shut out the fear. Those are the same hands that now shake a newcomer’s hand. I want to make amends to my vocal cords because, though I used them to scream obscenities and rage at everyone who ever tried to help me, they now welcome newcomers to Alcoholics Anonymous. I try now to soothe, reassure, encourage and laugh with them. And I want to make amends to the brain that I thought was dead after being poisoned for 17 years. That same brain has now come alive, amazing me with its renewal, its ability to learn, to remember, and to conduct my body’s business like a well-oiled machine. Finally, I want to make amends to the mind that terrorized me with devastating thoughts, and that now humbles me with its ability to think, to act and be logical.

-- Anonymous

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