Magazine

From the October 2012 magazine.

October 2012: Too Chinese Too Jewish Too Young

She felt AA was not for her—but she kept coming

I was relatively young when my Higher Power led me to the rooms of AA. I was nervous because I didn’t really know anything about the program. The first time I heard the words “God,” and “Higher Power,” I closed my mind and ears. In no way was I going to believe that there was “something greater than me.” Being Jewish, I was not willing to believe that there was another God. I mean, I’m not an Orthodox Jew, but I still semi-believed in a God of the Jewish faith, so when this “new God” idea came in, my mind and ears blocked it. I was so turned off by it that I decided I was too young to be an alcoholic. I constantly told myself, You’re enjoying life and doing what you’re supposed to be doing. But that changed as my drinking progressed and I started to feel out of place.

I continued going to meetings, but only listened for the differences so I didn’t have to say I was an alcoholic. It’s not every day that you meet a Chinese Jewish girl; it’s even rarer to meet a college-aged Chinese Jew who admits she’s an alcoholic. It took me a long time to admit that I was powerless over alcohol, that my life had become unmanageable. Going to meetings for about a year, getting a little time under my belt, relapsing, and hearing peoples’ stories, I suddenly started hearing similarities. I stopped trying to find those little details that made me different from everyone else, and started listening to what people really were saying.

-- Anonymous

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