From the December 2015 magazine.

6 Magic Years

Before I got sober, there was a spirit I chased around the holidays, but I always seemed to miss it. It was that warm glow I saw in other peoples' faces and heard in their voices. The only way I knew how to get that glow in me was to drink. And not out of those tiny wine glasses like my mom had, but full bottles as close to bottomless as possible. I would drink to try and feel the way everyone else looked.

But it never worked out that way. I couldn't stop. I was always the one people had to keep an eye on at the holiday party, the one most likely to end up under the Christmas tree. At one gathering, hosted by my friend's mom, I thought I was the life of the party. But my friend approached me about how much I was drinking, and I never got invited back again. The holidays always left me hollow and alone.

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