Magazine

From the December 2015 magazine.

So We Danced

After years of dryness he couldn’t listen—until he got in step with the right guy

When I came into AA this last time around, I was thoroughly confused. I had been in eight years before and had managed to stay dry for the better part of a year. In my mind, I felt I’d actually tried but AA had failed me. In truth, I only attended meetings. I was living in northern Germany on a little military post called Garlstedt, so there weren’t a lot of English-speaking meetings to go to. I didn’t work the Steps and soon became very uncomfortable.

My misery was cheerfully refunded, but at least I was allowed to drink again. Because I had not changed my mindset, drinking was much more attractive than “white knuckling” it. White knuckling it was all raw nerves and no relief. I felt everyone and everything was out to get me. Everyone else seemed to be wrong. Why could they not just see it?

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