Grapevine Online Exclusive

With Everything to Lose

Upon a sponsor's suggestion, he made a list of what drinking would take from him

If I picked up again, this is what I think I would get back and what I would lose again:

  • First, the tremors would return.
  • Next would come the panic attacks.
  • I'd probably drive while under the influence as I had done.
  • My relationships with those who helped me get sober including my dear mother. I know she would feel so betrayed, hurt, and sad.
  • My wonderful partner of 35 years who also suffered in many ways during my drinking.
  • Even if they didn't know about it, I would feel bad about the people who treated me in the psychiatric hospital after my suicide attempt before I got sober.
  • I would lose the joy of music and singing which has given me so much happiness.
  • My love for art and nature would be gone too. Just like they were back then.
  • I would lose myself.
  • I would lose God and that would be the greatest loss of all.

—Robert W., Oakland Park, Fla.

This is a preview. To view the full article, use the link below to begin a free 7-day trial!

Related Items:

Turning Points
A member reflects upon how his father's death affected him

The Logician
After trying to fix his drinking with his own problem solving abilities, he realized that AA was the answer

One Rainy Day
He hit his bottom and decided he wanted to live, not die

Giving It a Go
Nothing else had worked so he tried AA