Grapevine Online Exclusive

With Everything to Lose

Upon a sponsor's suggestion, he made a list of what drinking would take from him

If I picked up again, this is what I think I would get back and what I would lose again:

  • First, the tremors would return.
  • Next would come the panic attacks.
  • I'd probably drive while under the influence as I had done.
  • My relationships with those who helped me get sober including my dear mother. I know she would feel so betrayed, hurt, and sad.
  • My wonderful partner of 35 years who also suffered in many ways during my drinking.
  • Even if they didn't know about it, I would feel bad about the people who treated me in the psychiatric hospital after my suicide attempt before I got sober.
  • I would lose the joy of music and singing which has given me so much happiness.
  • My love for art and nature would be gone too. Just like they were back then.
  • I would lose myself.
  • I would lose God and that would be the greatest loss of all.

—Robert W., Oakland Park, Fla.

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