From the June 2013 magazine.

June 2013: Without a net

Booze put her on a high wire, but her HP reached up and caught her

I have been a spiritual seeker all of my life. When I was young, my siblings and I were left to our own private thoughts on religion and faith, and pretty much everything else. When I was 8, the older couple across the street invited me to go to church with them. I enjoyed the music, people being nice to each other, the light coming in through the colored glass, the hush. I enjoyed escaping a house of hung-over parents and squabbling siblings. I felt a connection to something positive, and I wanted to be good.

My seeking continued as I got older, but at age 12 I found a new religion—drinking. It left little room for anything else. I still had a desire to be connected to the good thing, but I became more interested in the excitement of being rebellious, being bad. At 13, I was ready to leave the planet: life was just too much work, too much disappointment, and it was too hard to find pleasure. I attempted suicide and, while lying in my bed waiting to die, I was told by someone or something that it was not my time. It freaked me out, but it didn’t take long before alcohol conveniently numbed whatever I’d felt at that moment. I decided I had done all I could to be responsible; now I was going to do whatever I wanted. That’s called alcologic.

-- Wendy W.

Salt Lake City, Utah

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