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Stumbling Blocks to Sobriety

It seemed she had every reason to think her way to a drink

I can clearly remember the day when, at two-years old, I proudly marched to the front door and met my father coming home from work and confidently recited my ABCs. Naturally, he was impressed, as were family and friends when I could read and write long before my peers and recite all kinds of things that toddlers weren't supposed to be able to know. This type of "fame" set the stage for much of my protection from the difficulties of childhood as well as provided many explanations, when my drinking began to create problems, why I couldn't be an alcoholic. I was simply too smart.

The pains of childhood were really those created by my perceptions of a world I did not understand and felt completely alien in from as early as I can remember. I was afraid of people, places, and really anything outside of myself, and found refuge in books, learning, and an active fantasy world. In school, I learned quickly, and was at the top of the class as well as the teacher's pet. Placed in advanced classes, I was seduced by the power of knowledge and able to hide behind my intellect to protect me from the confusing world and painful feelings that were my constant companions. I thought my brainpower alone was all I needed to ensure.

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