August 2013

Taking it Slow

A sober guy learns that the best things take time

Newcomers to AA often look for new relationships before they’re ready. Luckily, my first sponsor stopped me in time. He explained why no major decisions should be made during the first two years of sobriety. Realizing how damaged I was, my sponsor half-seriously suggested that I should wait until I was sober five years and then only seek women with 10 or more years of solid sobriety. To my surprise, I gradually learned that it was possible to form platonic relationships with women and enjoy their company as friends. It took me some time to understand why my sponsor felt that I should stay celibate for that long. Eventually I understood that it was because I was immature, egocentric and selfish. Worse yet, I lacked self-knowledge.

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