Grapevine Online Exclusive

Taking the Second Step

A newcomer grapples with the concept of a higher power

I have 64 days sober and I am currently on my first spiritual retreat. It is after midnight and I can't fall asleep because HP is on my mind. I have been struggling with spirituality and coming to believe in a higher power. I do not believe in religion and I can't accept that God exists, although I can't say God does not exist.

It is not logical to me that something unexplainable is the result of God. That is too big of a jump. I think people just need answers and it provides a simple explanation that can apply to anything, without further thought. We free up our cognitive load by saying, oh yeah that's God's doing – and move on. But I cannot accept that.

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