Grapevine Online Exclusive

Published March 2017.

The Magic Jug

Alcohol used to provide all the magic she needed, but a sudden, profound spiritual experience showed her the magic to be found in home, family and AA

I was born into a home where my father was a violent alcoholic and my mother was a rage-oholic. I felt ugly and was very shy, and I grew up in fear. I was also a slow learner, but was not diagnosed as dyslexic until my thirties. More than anything else, I wanted to disappear.

My first experience with alcohol was when I was twelve. I went to a slumber party and someone brought a gallon of wine. We all sat excitedly in a circle, waiting for our turn to drink. I can recall being the last one for the magical jug to reach, and ending up drinking all by myself. I loved that feeling, because for the first time I didn't have to be me. I could disappear. I could numb my pain and become someone else. That’s how it began for me.

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