Magazine

From the October 2013 magazine.

October 2013: A Song in My Heart

Hearing "How It Works" when she was new was music for her soul

In April, 2009, I was admitted to a rehab for the second time. I am not a medical expert, but I believe I had early signs of a wet brain. Earlier that month, my granddaughter had caught me drinking rum straight from the bottle. I felt great shame and guilt. The next day these feelings were still there. I kept crying and saying over and over, “God, please help me. I can’t do this anymore.” My loved ones kept asking what it was I couldn’t do anymore. I couldn’t tell them what it was because I didn’t know myself, but I just kept repeating the same phrase. Today I believe my journey of sobriety started with that cry.

In rehab I learned what happens to people who drink alcoholically for many years. I learned that a cucumber that turned to a pickle couldn’t be turned back to a cucumber. On May 9th, I was discharged from the rehab with a list of AA meetings in my area and a reminder to have an open mind and to be willing to go to any lengths. Still shaky and woozy, I went to my first meeting that very night. I was frightened. I didn’t have the faintest clue about what it was going to be like. Right at the door, I met three people who would later become wonderful friends. They were smoking and talking. I said my name was Peggy and that I was just discharged from rehab and this was my first AA meeting. They all said, “Welcome.” I felt it come from their hearts with love.

-- Peggy S.

Belleville, New Jersey

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