From the May 2019 magazine.

I want my mum back

In the depths of her drinking, she could not face the ones she loved most. Now she’s back in their lives

The thoughts ran through my head relentlessly: You are useless. What kind of person acts like this? It was like those text banners running across the bottom of the TV news. This message wasn’t new. I had heard it before, many times before. 

But on that day, the message seemed more relentless than usual. The noise of it grew inside my broken mind. I stood in front of the mirror, brushing my teeth, stopping occasionally to dry heave, then staring at the reflection of the angry, hungover, middle-aged woman in the mirror who was trying to kill me. God, how I hated her. Then another thought slipped in: If I kill her, am I really killing myself? 

-- Christine B.

Kirwan, Queensland, Australia

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