From the January 2011 magazine.

January 2011: The Imperfectionist

Surrendering to the moment brings personal victory

It took a lot of practice and redirection to know truly that I am in charge of nothing and I better live that way if I want to stay sober.

When I first came through these doors, I was defeated; totally ready to do what was necessary to stay sober. I didn’t know that I was a child mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I just knew that I was an uncontrolled drinker who had made a mess of her life. AA was the last recourse. I had dabbled in Al-Anon and also in Adult Children of Alcoholics. It was so nice to blame problems on parents, environment and genetics.

About six months into sobriety and Step Three, I made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understood him. That seemed pretty simple to me, as I already had a God and could understand the direction of the Big Book. I did not understand that this was only the beginning of this Step for me. Nonetheless I really thought about this decision. To give one’s life over to the care of another entity was difficult for a self-centered, judgmental, fearful, non-trusting control freak and perfectionist. However I made the intellectual decision and moved on to Step Four.

-- A.L.

Troy, Montana

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