From the July 2011 magazine.

July 2011: The Bottle on the Counter

It beckoned, seductively trying to woo her back

"I woke every couple of hours and crept through the dark, silent apartment to make sure the bottle was still there."

Sobriety gave me a life I never expected, happy, joyous and free ... the exact opposite of life when I was drinking. The obsession and compulsion were gone and the promises came to fruition at every turn. Life was going so well, I got complacent. I lingered around the edges of AA, kept up with program friends, read a little literature, and every once in a great while, I remembered to thank my Higher Power for my life and continued sobriety. It seemed like that was enough for a number of years. Then, my partner of nineteen years died. I stayed sober, but edged further and further away from people, choosing to live alone with my pain. In the process, I edged further and further away from anything resembling happiness.

Over time, my emotional sobriety eroded, until there was a thin veil between me and insanity. I entered a relationship, became a tortured victim to emotions spun way out of control, and that thin veil was torn to shreds. Alcohol, I thought, was the only way I could possibly deal with it all.

-- Laurie H.

Flint, Michigan

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