Grapevine Online Exclusive

In All Our Affairs

Is it possible to continue to love someone when their behavior goes against our most basic beliefs?

Today, I am feeling the possible loss of a good and long-standing AA friendship. This is particularly difficult since our bond as sober friends is strong. I cherish this friendship and would prefer to ignore my dilemma, but have been unable to do so. For me, this is a complicated and challenging situation. Knowing that I am not the first sober person to find himself in this situation, however, I am hopeful that by airing this in a way that protects my friend's anonymity I might help myself and others. So here goes.

Someone I have always respected has become romantically involved with a fellow AA member—a newcomer, sober for about 80 days. This particular newcomer is shaky at best, is still living in a structured community, and as a young person in their early twenties, is fortunate to be getting a first shot at sobriety. Perhaps the only shot. I've chosen to write about this situation because there's a real tug of war going on within me. I know that some will think I'm coming from some sort of moral high ground, but I assure you that's not the case.

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