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Living in the Here and Now

Things didn't go exactly as she had planned but that was alright

After hosting a lovely couple for a weekend in the country, my husband and I started packing for the drive back to town. Suddenly I felt upset and frustrated. The realization hit me that I'd had no time to fulfill my artistic commitment for the week. It was the first commitment I'd made to art after a years-long dry spell triggered by my drinking. As we packed, I fussed and fumed. The weekend hadn't gone as I'd planned. I told my husband, "When we get back I'll have to cram the writing between appointments." "What appointments?" he asked, patiently. (He had, after all, 25 years in the program). My mind raced ahead to the things I wanted or needed to do—talk to the realtor, review a situation with the attorney, come to an agreement with the water department, etc. I felt increasingly resentful as the list grew longer with each passing thought. But I didn't have any actual appointments.

Still, my emotions roiled inside. Things hadn't gone according my plan. And it had been a beautiful plan: spend some time showing this couple around and some time alone writing. My sponsor's voice came to me, right out of our last meeting only a few days earlier. She had said, "Tell people the truth if something bothers you. If you do, you'll forget about it quickly. If you don't, you'll carry it long past its usefulness." Who to tell? My husband? The couple? I wasn't burned at them. They'd been lovely.

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