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Stress In the City

A student thrives with support

I have often heard that sobriety and school do not mix well. We students are faced with the pressure of a full schedule of classes, extracurricular activities, hours of homework, and impossibly long research papers. We're expected to create and maintain an active social life, and to find time to eat and sleep somewhere in a twenty-four-hour day that’s already bursting at the seams.

In high school, I had several healthy outlets for this stress. I loved music and participated in orchestras, choirs, and jazz bands. I also took dance, art, and acting classes. Alcohol, however, was the only remedy that seemed to work. When I was drunk, I didn't care about stress. I didn't care about anything. I was so good at not caring that I stopped going to school altogether! Alcohol, and the consequences of abusing it, consumed every minute of my day, and demanded my full-time attention.

My parents were horrified at the thought of my being a high school dropout. My inability to stay sober, however, prevented me from completing my freshman year. Not knowing what else to do, they sent me to a treatment facility/boarding school for "at-risk teens." I spent the next three years there, and was immediately introduced to Alcoholics Anonymous.

In addition to going to school and keeping up with extracurricular activities, I was expected to work a program, attend meetings, sponsor, and be sponsored. I thought this was ridiculous. I thought, This place is supposed to help me get sober! Don't they know I am overwhelmed already? How is adding more responsibility going to help me?

They told me to try: "Make this program an experiment. If it doesn't work, you can always go back to your way." That sounded reasonable enough. What did I have to lose, anyway?

This "experiment" made some things apparent to me. First of all, I couldn't reap the benefits of sobriety with abstinence alone. Being dry didn't make me get any better, and certainly didn’t mean that my stress level would decrease. I still procrastinated, manipulated, lied, and cheated my way through life and school. Secondly, these added "responsibilities" (today I prefer to call them "necessities") of meetings and Step work forced me to plan my day in order to get everything done. It's amazing how a little time management boosted my grades, as well as my self-esteem.

AA taught me to do these things by teaching me to hold myself accountable, and I found that I didn't need to lie, cut corners, or cheat my way through anything any more. Lastly, I realized that working this program to the best of my ability created a change in my character. In three years, I had grown from a strung-out and scared little girl into a sober woman ready to take on the world outside of treatment. I had been transformed from a high school dropout to the valedictorian of my senior class.

I was accepted into a college in New York City, and I received some negative feedback about my choice to enroll. Some people told me I was headed for a relapse; that I should have applied to a small liberal arts school in the country, rather than a huge university known for its partying in a big city. I found myself scared and confused about my decision, and took my dilemma to the rooms of AA.

A few years ago, a friend of mine called me almost every day during her freshman year in college, desperately wanting to get sober, but unwilling to travel an hour to the closest meeting. She is still drinking today. Although I know that her lack of willingness is part of the reason she is still drunk, her example makes me feel extremely lucky that I can find such a wide variety of meetings at any time of day, any day of the week, just a few blocks from my apartment.

In my college career, I have run into many of the same roadblocks that fed my alcoholism in high school, regardless of the large support network I had available to me in New York City AA. In sobriety, and in college, I have cut numerous classes, cheated on tests, faked illnesses, fabricated "family reunions," and had at least eleven grandparents "pass away." I snuck a cat into my "no pets allowed" dormitory, plagiarized a research paper, and was nearly expelled. It was around this time that my sponsor made it clear that she did not want me changing my brand of toilet paper without her permission.

I did all of these things while going to meetings every day, holding service positions, and spending every minute of my free time hanging out with sober friends. I had forgotten the lesson of balance I had learned in high school. I put all my energy into service and the Fellowship, but none into my schoolwork and recovery. I had stayed sober so far, but my future didn't look so good. I was completely overwhelmed. My sponsor took me through the Steps again so that I could inventory the mistakes I made and learn from them. I'm happy to say that going through the Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous has never failed me. Since my last Fourth and Fifth Step, I have recommitted myself as a student and have been enjoying my last few semesters in college. I've made amends to teachers, roommates, and classmates. I go to my classes, and get good grades, too! I have relearned how to balance my AA life and my school life, and I’ve surpassed my goals and expectations in both fields.

I continue to rely on my home group and the fellowship I find there. For every friend I have in college who drinks, whether socially or heavily, I have at least twenty in AA. This ratio helps me to find better things to do on the weekends than drink cranberry juice at the bar while my college friends get wasted.

If I had to do it all over again, I don't think I would change anything. I have learned much by making many mistakes and by staying sober through it all. It will be interesting to see what happens when I graduate, since all of my sober reference has been in school, so far. I look forward to learning how to balance AA with my future career, future family, and future aspirations.

Then again, there is always grad school.

Laura S., Brooklyn, New York

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