Moment of Clarity
I also love the 24hr book. I read it often. My first copy was given to me by an AA member 41 years ago. The price
was $1.75. I often questioned why Bill W. and his friends
rejected this book when it was offerred to Alcoholics
Anonymous. I am quite sure it has always been a popular
book and very profitable. I always thought that it was
rejected because it wasn't Bill's work. It was only recently
that I fully understand why this book was rejected. It is
simply too religious. The 24hr book is for an AA member's
personal use, never intended to be read to all and sundry
from the podium. A true investigation of this opinion may
reveal the truth that AA has become too religious. This
reading at meetings and the reading of HIW aloud at meetings
have been two of our worst blunders. Add the chanting and
we become a strange religious cult. ANONYMOUS
A Religious Nature is about running to a sponsor (person) or a Meeting (place) or shopping (things) instead of God (what the hell is that?) lol
it will be ok god will take care of it. keep comeing back like the old timeers told me or change it or go with the flow.god bless u and keep uu.
Although my thinking is not as bad as it use to be there is still a modicum of confusion and defocussing that I must cut through in order to function properly. Don't think, don't drink and go to meetings.
I defocus in order I believe not to sabotage but because of fear of the unknown and of avoiding the inevitable. I do not fear success, but abhor failure as the slow suicide of drink and I want to be well, but how well? Do I like some of my character defects? oh no!
I guess I will let go, let God and ask Him to remove some shortcomings! Ah-ha, thought I was perfect again!
You know something could be wrong when you discover yourself and you are the last to know your an alcoholic - most think they are something else. The clarity was astonishing didn't even need an outside sponsor to tell me i was. cool or what
This is probably the wrong place to write but I am desperate. My daughter has been clean and sober for 18 years and has worked the NA program all of these years also. While she was visiting me (her mom) from out of town I found, after her visit she had been drinking and hid the bottles which I found just yesterday.
I am just sick about this and I want to know if I should confront her with this by phone or tell one of her friends and see if she could help her? Being a long distance from her does not permit me facing her face to face and telling her I know she has been drinking and if I don't say something to her then I feel like I am an enabler.
Please, can someone answer here as to what I should do?
It's ok to stand still and hurt it's really human to do that.
Your daughter is an adult - let her be that!!!
DO THE BEST THAT U CAN DO PRAY TO GOD ABOUT IT AND LET YOUR HEART DICTATE TO U WHAT U SHOULD DO,AN OLD TIMER SAID ONCE U CAN LEAD A HOURSE TO WATER BUT U CANT MAKE THEM DRINKE. ITL WORK OUT IN GODS TIME. ME////
I loved AA from the start. I was tired of drinking and ready to stop. I was a terrific person who just drank too much. I didn't mind hearing you tell everyone about your terrible life and how drinking made it unbearable etc. but me? I still had a job, a place to live and a relationship.
All I could really judge my life by was my externals. I was so cut off from any internal or spiritual self that I could not identify with anything anyone said about "feelings."
I was so completely detached from my emotions that I didn't even realize that all I ever felt was rage and fear.
I was from NY. NYer's don't whine. We get on with it.
Then, one day after about 6 months of not drinking and going to meetings I heard a speaker. I can't even remember what she said but I felt this burning heat on my face. I know now it was a feeling of embarassment and humiliation. Then it dawned on me - I was just like everyone else I had been listening to for 6 months. I was physically and mentally and spiritually sick and my life was indeed unmanageable. The second step was washing over me. My sponsor used to say some things will not be figured out they will only be revealed.
I too loved AA from the start. I wanted to stop drinking and I had tried every way described in the Big Book. Location, moderation, meditation, church, exercise, Doctors, and drugs. Will-power alone got me a week but no more. My drinking had cost me 2 marriages and was about to cost me a 3rd. My health was failing and my children were distant while being only 20 minutes away and my grandchildren hardly knew me at all. My retirement was destined to be a short one, most definitely not a relaxed or a happy one.
To the world I seemed like a terrific person. Thirty years as a Firefighter/Paramedic, seldom missed a day of work, no appearance that my drinking was effecting my work. I thought I was very clever in how I concealed it. I did volunteer work all over the country and the world as a disaster response team member. Haiti 2010 just after the earthquake was my last attempt to stop drinking on my own. Even in a disaster zone the ETOH flows.
Sixty years old, nice pension, savings, IRA's, big house, wife. From the outside everything looked hunky dory. Inside rage, anger and more frequently occurring blackouts were casting a insipid darkness on everything. My wife had taken two jobs out of state to escape the turmoil as I tried to get things under control. That of course only led to my drinking at home, drinking alone and drinking only to get drunk or until it was gone.
My wife was forced home by the economy only to find things worst then when she had left. My visits to her were a masquerade in sobriety and the rage and arguments resumed and now adding to it was physical damage of property that was only going to lead to physical violence. My life had become completely and totally unmanageable. Suicide seemed the only rational solution but that would mean she had won and she would be rich and happy and my resentments were to profound to let that happen.
I told my wife that I would go to AA twice a week if necessary and that I would leave the house and marriage if I were to start drinking again.
The closest meeting to me was a closed meeting, I didn't know what that meant so thankfully I chose an open meeting close to downtown. God must have been guiding me because the verity of people that were there made all the difference. (as an aside I have attended the closed meeting and they are a great bunch but not what I needed at the start)
I slinked in, avoiding as many as I could, sat in the back and didn't speak up when asked if anyone was there for the first time, I didn't speak up for a desire (24 hour) chip but when we went around the room and I said "my name is Dennis and I'm an Alcoholic" the flood gates opened and I asked if I could still take that desire chip. That was my first step on this long adventure.
My twice a week promise has become 5 noon meeting per week, two evening step studies, one weekend groups, and one evening topic group. If I make every one that's nine a week. Nobody explain 90 and 90 to me until I took a sponsor and by that time I was already locked in. I love each group and the friendships that have evolved. I'm guarding against burn out because as a alcoholic I know that excess is what got me here and as an introvert the camaraderie is intoxicating.
Several times during meetings in the last 514 days that I have been in this program, have been eye openers to say the least. I have examined things about myself and cried by myself. I have felt great sadness and been beset by moments of great happiness.
Coming to this program has been the best thing I have done for myself and my family. I look foward to the next meeting if I have felt down or depressed. Sometimes a meeting is the bright spot of my day and the messages of hope and recovery bring me closer to my higher power. I have dodged and procrastinated on my 4th step for weeks. I truly want to get it right and my sponser now sees why and what took me so long for me to do this. I did a lot of soul searching and have tried to be as thorough and as honest as possible.I never would be where I am at now if it weren't for this program, my group and my friend, my sponser. I look foward to many more days and hope to keep coming back so that I too, may someday pass along what was so freely given to me.
When I came into AA there were very few meetings designated as step meetings. Many meetings had the steps shade on the
wall, but no one pointed to them and said, this is what you
must do. They were truly suggestions. Over the years I forgot that they were suggestions and became convinced that they were "musts", much like pulling the cord on a parachute. But today I understand that they are suggestions.
I don't like the words "only suggestions" or "but suggestions". The steps are suggestions for the individual
to decide all by himself whether she/he wants to use them or not. We are not to cram the steps down anyone's throat. Bill W explains this on page 8 in Language of the Heart.
The fourth and fifth steps were very important to me. I
often wondered how to do the fourth step. Then I found
that answer on page 50 of the 12&12, under just how do I
ake an inventory of myself? How do I go about this? Bill
explains exactly how to take the fourth step. And my advice
for anyone taking the fifth step, take it with someone
who is sworn to secrecy, a priest, doctor. Lose the "sponsor" who insists that he/she is qualified to hear and guard your deep dark secrets. The fourth step in 12&12
is lengthy but it is full of vital information from our co-
founder. Read it. Study it. Select the questions that pertain to you, beginning on page 50. Some did not apply
to me, but many I claimed as my own. Write out the
questions and answers. Keep your work under lock and key,
until the fifth step is completed and then burn it. I
have completed this process thoroughly, two times in my
more than three decades of sobriety. In AA we allow
every member to make the decision when and whether to
do these steps. They are truly suggestions. Anonymous
My most important and life changing moment of clarity was the moment my HP allowed me to see and tell myself the truth that I had lied to myself about for 18 years: I was drinking because I HAD TO drink and not because I wanted to drink. I haven't had a drink since and that was September 22, 1983 - same year I became a GV fan!