Burning Desire to Share
Spiritual axioms are never proven; they are defined by this lack.
axiom (noun) a statement or idea that people accept as self-evidently true.
When dealing in unknown, unknowable areas, the rules of proof are of no value. On the other hand accepting that “all that can be” must be within “what I can understand” doesn’t hold up under much scrutiny, does it?
By accident, when I started AA I landed at a table that studied steps 1, 2, 3 in rotation. The other meting I happened into was a gratitude meeting on Friday night. (Good combination by the way) I didn’t know anything else so this was AA to me. 1, 2, 3, G over and over. Despite being a devout non-believer the thing in step two about how our “Faith” in electricity keeping my food in the refrigerator cold, made life easier for me. I had been to Paris a few years before and saw how the rest of the world carried their groceries home twice a day on their bicycles. I’m busy; I like my refrigerator, thank you. Point 1. Faith, in some cases, opens up choices, improves the quality of my life. Surprisingly for some I’m sure; my reasoning did not jump from this small insight to the whole Christian-walks-on-water-heaven-hell-rapture package. Still hasn’t. However with some effort seeking, reading, listening, observing, discarding (yes, mainly discarding) and reasoning I have come up with an image that answers life’s otherwise unanswerable questions, meets AA’s requirements for a higher power, helps keep me sober, improves the quality of my life. That takes care of two. Three, God’s will for me? Steps four through twelve and enjoy my new life. No-brainer, it’s spelled out in the manual.
One of my A.A. friends pointed out that gravity is
also a power that I cannot see or touch. But gravity
can be overcome. I am grateful that belief in God
is not required for sobriety or membership in A.A.
Far too many alcoholics would not approach us in the
first place. I believe many alcoholics blame God for
their dilemma. When they hear: Find God and find Him
now, they walk away. Away from what may be their
last chance for recovery and life. ANONYMOUS
Misquote! The big book says "may you find him now " in AA we ought to be free to say anything that is in our big book. If not we ought not have the big book or continue to print it!
My Big Book(fourth edition) says: and I quote: May you
find Him now! end quote. In A.A. we are free to say anything
that is in the big book. But do we have to say the same thing over and over at every meeting? The repeated reading of "How it Works" pushes new people away, and becomes
monotonous to the rest of us. No, I have not done a survey.
Members just do not "keep coming back", although we
do the chant after holding hands and praying, Keep coming
back, etc etc, etc. ANONYMOUS
Hallo,i am for 6 years in aa and relapsed many times.I know that i can not drink normaly.When i pick up the first drink i can´t stop. an real alcoholic can never drink save for the rest of his live. And with god or your Higher Power;fake it till you make it.So do I.
I wish you a lot off succes!
A member of AA in Holland.
Thank you for posting a message.
I live in the middle of the United States and my first job out of University was in Delft, Holland in a training center for an oil service company. Beyond my greatest dream. I couldn't see the difference between the other men's drinking and mine. They could have a couple of Amstel's after work and study what we were to learn. You know what happened after I drank the first beer.
My dream job lasted about 3 months. I never came close to as good of a job and certainly not in such a beautiful place. I had every excuse but I really didn't see my alcoholism had caused losing that job until years later when I got sober.
I don't like fake it until you make it. Sounds exactly opposite from "half measures availed us nothing" from chapter five of Alcoholics Anonymous. The closer I stay to that book the better my life is.
Have a great day and enjoy your beautiful country.
Thank you for posting your reacting and your story.Nice to read that your first job was in Delft.It's a nice place.
You 're riht;half measures availed us nothing!So i do my prayer every day altough i am agnostic.Read my Big Book every day.I see a lot of people in AA with a long sobriety,so i know that it's works.Now i am for three month's sober and every day i feel better and enjoy my life.
Have a nice day and greets from Holland.
When I first saw your message I almost just scrolled
past it, as just another drunk-a-log. Taking a good look,
my mind changed. First of all I would like to extend a
sincere apology for our failure. Many will say A.A. didn't
fail, you failed. If a treatment fails, we blame it on the
You are an alcoholic. You have the typical obvious
signs and symptoms. I have the same condition. When I
drink anything containing alcohol, something happens to
me that does not occur in a normal social drinker. They
can take it or leave it alone, even after having one or
two drinks. We almost never stop until we reach a point
today I see as dangerous.
I see reference to "we agnostic" meetings being formed
in some parts of the country. Try to find one. They seem
to be trying to separate religion from our fellowship.
Bill W. wrote that nothing could be so unfortunate
for A.A. future, as becoming some sort of new religion.
We have done that. I certainly did my part in bring my
own religious belief into A.A. tradition. You can read
Bill W.'s warning to us on page 345 in The Language of the
Heart, LOTH, beginning at the bottom of the page. Bill
repeats a warning he had first written in Alcoholics
Anonymous Comes of Age. I think it is around page 232
in AACA. Bill wrote the first warning in 1957 in AACA.
He repeated the warning in an article for the AA Grapevine
in 1963. Bill must have seen the religious element
creeping into A.A. tradition.
I identify with you as an alcoholic. I am grateful that
the treatment, remedy, solution, technique, method that
I found at my first meetings worked for me. I am convinced
that today's A.A. would have failed me, the same as it
is failing you. Look for a meeting that is not some kind
of religious cult, with everyone pushing their own agenda.
You may not find one, but if you keep your eyes and ears
open, maybe you can start such a meeting yourself. Like-
minded A.A. members can form "we agnostics" group. But
please do not call it an agnostic group. Just call it an
A.A. group. I am a believer but don't want to be excluded
from any A.A. meeting.
Thanks for writing. I also feel better after writing
this post. I believe this is "How It Works". ANONYMOUS
"But please do not call it an agnostic group. Just call it an
But please don't call it an AA group. Just call it an agnostic group.
Thank you for your answer and suggetions.
In my fellowship were told me it's not possible to stay sober when you don't believe in a Higher Power.So i'm a litttle bit scared for relapsing again.I go to meetings,have a sponsor and doing my steps.
I don't know what fellowship you are in, But I am in Alcoholics Anonymous, a non-sectarian fellowship. I
personally would not tell anyone that it is not possible
to stay sober if She/he does not believe in a higher
power. An article appeared in the AAGrapevine a few
years ago title "Without a Higher Power". I don't think
he capitalized hp. I believe that article ought to be
required reading for all A.A. members, atheist, agnostic
or born again Christian such as myself. We have lost
millions of sufferers in the past twenty years by
limiting membership in A.A. We are not a God Program.
We are a fellowship of men and women as defined by our
A.A. preamble. Thanks for adding a little more light to the
"What's on your Mind Forum. ANONYMOUS
Thanks for not scrolling past. Thanks for noticing I was trying to describe how I fundamentally "qualify" as an alcoholic -- but not by the drunk-a-log method, describing lost jobs, broken relationships, financial difficulties, crappy childhoods, etc. Non-alcoholics have these things happen to them too but these events don't mean they are alcoholic. Writing it out helped me to re-confirm that I am an alcoholic.
Thank you too for taking the time to talk about the religious element in AA. There is one "We Agnostics" meeting in the city where I live. It's somewhat of a long drive to get there and is just once a week, but I've made the effort to attend it. I agree with you that no AA meeting should require that the attendees be agnostic. This would be as inappropriate as requiring attendees at an AA meeting to be believers.
The main difference I see with the "We Agnostics" meetings is that the attendees don't preach the Big Book formula that a belief in God is required to stay sober. Back in the 90's when I originally got sober, it didn't seem like there was the same degree of preaching that there is now and there was a greater degree of acceptance of the non-believer. I am grateful that AA did work for me at that time(without being a believer) and am hoping to find some meetings where there is less testimony about the benefits of God and more testimony about the benefits of sobriety.
Again, thanks for the encouragement.
If your reaching out for help.
Grab ahold Your about to experience a new way of living w/o alcohol or drugs.
Read the big book.
Get a sponsor.
Get busy trusting God.
When all the bs fails come on back trust in God and clean house
What can be done about a group member who keeps chatting about Al-Anon as the solution and doing so while in an Open AA meeting?
I keep wondering why no one pays any attention to my explanation of our money problem.
We are paying salaries and benefits to individuals who ought not have been given the jobs
in the first place. This practice is in violation of the Powerful Tradition Bill wrote
on page S72 in the Service Manual. "The makeup..." "If it wishes".
These salaries and benefits are being paid for with money that we are not even supposed
to have: Profit from the sales of books and literature.
If we sell books and literature without profit (this has always been our goal), and only
spend money contributed by A.A. members, everything will be fine. "Spend What We Send".
Keep A.A. simple. quoting one of our co-founders. ANONYMOUS
I guess I’m a skeptic. I get suspicious when I see someone wanting something done just for the sake of having it done. There is a problem convincing alcoholics, trying or try to hide a bad motive under a good one or trying to keep an agenda secret. We used to do that kind of stuff, practiced it, rehearsed it, and thought we perfected it. Then we had it brought out in the daylight in steps four and five and saw it for what it really was and became willing to have it thrown in the trash with the rest. I’m grateful that the twelve steps are in the front of the book so I have a better perspective on the twelve traditions on the back.
For about thirty years my belief was this: The steps may
be labeled as suggestions, but for anyone who wants to get sober and stay sober, they are damned-well-betters. I just
thought that I knew better than our A.A. pioneers. I not only held this belief; I would offer it to anyone who was
polite enough to listen, individually or in meetings.
To say that the steps are free; the only ones you pay
for are the ones you don't take, distorts the meaning of
"suggestion". I regret that I stayed ignorant for so long.
How many suffering alcoholics did I push away? I don't
even like to think about it.
Today I believe that the Twelve Traditions are the
damn-well-betters. These were first called Twelve Points
to assure our future. Bill later wrote a thirteenth
tradition which he called a Powerful Tradition. The
violation of this tradition has harmed our fellowship
like no other. This Powerful Tradition can be found in
our Service Manual. Page S72. It surprises me that it is still there. "They" have removed the "in 1986" paragraph
from the Manual. Next, the powerful tradition paragraph
will disappear. Sure, there is some feeble explanation,
on page 17 under Concept IV. in the "For example" paragraph.
It also reads "if it wishes" the General Service Board
can legally do anything it wishes to do.
Concept Seven tells us what we must do. ANONYMOUS
The poster’s attempt to make AA World Service finances sound like some off-course, secret, nefarious plot is ridiculous. All of the financial decisions (in fact ALL decisions) are made with representation of members from all over the country with layer after layer of oversight built in. If anyone in interested in any of the details of how it is done just buy an AA Service manual and get ready for some really boring reading. It is only the poster’s opinion that using a small amount of profit from literature sales to supplement the General Service Office’s budget violates tradition Seven. To see this as accepting outside contributions we have to believe non-members MIGHT be buying some of our literature and the profit from THOSE sales is being used for something besides publishing expense.
When I buy a book, I buy it because I want the book. I don’t buy it because I want to make a contribution to Tom Clancy or Random House or whoever and thereby influence their decision making. Do you?
If influence from outside has ever been a problem, there have been thousands of trusted servants over the years to deal with it. If it ever does become a problem there will be hundreds more rising to the top service positions every year to meet the challenge. Something that isn’t broken, and shows no signs of becoming broken doesn’t need to be fixed today.
I think there is some economic theory left over from the early industrial revolution to the effect that there is a perfect and unvarying relationship between price of goods and demand. That is, lowering the price always causes a corresponding increase in sales. That theory fell down a long, long time ago. People aren’t failing to buy AA literature because it’s too expensive. Just like the items on the 90% off sales rack, they don’t buy it because they don’t want it. (I like it, I buy it, but I’m not everybody). His suggestion would not put literature in the hands of those who need it. It would cut the services offered by the General Service office where about seventy staff members serve about two million of us now and about twenty million more that need it.
I have a copy of my delegates report. It states that for the year 2012 total operating expenses were $14,283,552.
Contributions for the year totaled $6,557,608. Where do
you suppose the rest of the money came from? ANONYMOUS
I have a document in my hand from Ward B. Ewing Chair, General Service Board. It is titled: Trustees AgendaItem E
Background Doc 1. Under Finances he Writes:" Approximately 50% of the net income for the General Service Office comes
from the sale of literature", etc. So it is not just my
opinion, but, in my opinion 50% is not a small amount.
How accurate is our Service Manual, when it is
contantly being changed. Of course these changes are
approved by representation of members from all over the
country. Our delegates (representatives) are kept so
busy at the General Service Conference they don't know
what they are approving. How many of them knew that the
"In 1986" paragraph was being deleted from Page S74 of
the 2011 manual?
On page S72 read the paragraph beginning with "In the
makeup, it appears that the meaning of "never" has been
changed. An explanation is offered, but I believe never
If anyone, anywhere is interested in any of this, I
also ask you to buy a Service Manual. Keep an eye on
it. In the next decade we will be accepting outside
money from anywhere we can get it. "For the sake of
the poor suffering alcoholic who has never heard of
A.A." Nonsense! Everyone in the world today has heard
of Alcoholics Anonymous.
The twenty million suffering is probably closer to
thirty million, and that doesn't include our friends
and loved ones who suffer even more than the alcoholic
does. But they are not getting the help from our New
York office. The alcoholic shows up at our local doorstep.
There we tell her/him they must find God and find Him NOW!
I can hear someone say: There you go again. Jimmy Carter lost the election on that one. ANONYMOUS Note: the real
secret is how much of our money goes to the top ten
positions in our service structure. That secret I would
At our last group conscious meeting, I recommended changing our format in order to better reflect our mission. My idea was to discard reading “How it Works” at the beginning of the meeting and also to stop saying the “Lord’s Prayer” at the end of the meeting; in order to not muddle up our primary purpose or bamboozle the newcomer into thinking “I must do this or die.” I proposed we should open up with the “AA Preamble” and close the meeting with the “Responsibility Statement” I was greeted harshly by the gurus but, to my surprise there were more “yeas” than “nays”! Many members had felt this way in the past but were afraid to speak up because they did not want to rock the boat. All it took was one person to do so. After much discussion the “yeas” came to believe that these writings clarify our mission better and provide a stronger foundation for our fellowship’s future. Does anyone else have a similar format? Thanks
I don't think that the Lord's prayer has any business in AA because it is uniquely Christian, excluding all others. Referring to finding a Higher Power to solve one's drinking problem does belong because that's what AA is. p45.
Bill W. wrote in the "Dear Russ Letter" the reasons
why using the Lords Prayer to close an A.A. meeting is OK.
Bill W. was no saint and made many mistakes before and
after sobriety. Some of them were serious.
Does anyone have any information indicating that Bill
changed his mind on this one?
I personally don't see anything wrong with it as long
as the majority of the group members approve it. It is
the coercion or forcing everyone to join in that I feel
harms A.A. as a whole. ANONYMOUS
"I don't think that the Lord's prayer has any business in AA because it is uniquely Christian, excluding all others."
As a matter of historical fact, the author of 'Lord's Prayer'
was a Jewish rabbi who taught the prayer to his Jewish disciples. There were no Christians at the time, no Christianity,there is no mention of Christ, God or Jesus in it so how can you pretend it's a uniquely Christian prayer.
The Serenity prayer, on the other hand, was written by a Protestant Theologian, yet no one seems to have a problem with saying it.
And please stop trying to convert AA into an Atheist sect.
Looks to me like the Lord’s Prayer came from Jesus at the Sermon on the Mount, Mathew 6:9 -13. Maybe he got it from a rabbi, but it’s certainly looks like his instructions on how to pray to me. Instructions from Jesus = Christian? Sounds like it to me.
Atheist? You better read my post again.
Check again. Jesus was not a "Christian", He was a rabbi and his disciples were all Jews. Christianity didn't exist when He lived.
You may not be an atheist, but you certainly seem to have a resentment against anything even remotely 'Christian'.
Over the years I have sponsored a Jew, an Iranian immigrant who is Muslim, a Laotian immigrant who is a Buddhist and a Catholic priest. Not a single one of these complained about the Lord's Prayer, the Serenity Prayer or any of the other prayers found in our literature.
I challenge anyone to show me where in the Lord's prayer God, Jesus, Christ, or Lord is found. Calling the word "Father" strictly Christian is stretching the point, isn't it?
I didn't want you to think your post went unread.
I'm simply speechless.
I don't think the issue about the Lord’s Prayer has anything to do with where it came from. It's religious in nature and although I do not have a problem with it, I have to accept the fact that some people do. It can mislead the newcomer into thinking we are a bunch of religious fanatics. I am not better or healthier because I’m okay with the prayer and anyways, it’s good to stand in another’s shoes. Try a little compassion. In many areas, groups are moving away from using it. Some guy mentioned the Responsibility Statement as a better option. I personally think it does more harm than good but, our group votes to keep it. Each group is autonomous. If you don’t like it, start your own group. You just need a good resentment and a coffee pot as they say and its sounds like one is brewing (no pun intended) In my area for instance, there are agnostic and atheist AA groups and groups that recognize Jesus Christ as their higher power. All approved to boot! If we can co-exist together in providing more options in reaching out to the still suffering alcoholic then I should think Bill and Bob would be pleased. Some people see AA as a perfect and finished program ever since it was created in the 30’s. Others see AA as a growing and changing program that honor its humble roots but, believe it needs a tune-up from time to time. What if we still believed the world was flat and trees can turn into fairies?
I'd like to hear more about this step-less program of recovery. With about two hundred people in the US dying of alcoholism and at least that many more going to prison for using their best drinking thinking, I'm sure there are a lot more that would too.
You posted, "I'd like to hear about this step-less program.” After reading that, I didn’t arrive at the same conclusion. I understood it to be just a member writing about their group’s decision to change the format to the reading of the Preamble and Responsibility Statement. I personally didn’t get they were trying to suggest AA should be a step-less program but, through this new format, it might better serve the sick and suffering alcoholic and AA as a whole. I think the group’s decision to change the meeting format was an importance choice and demonstrates the democratic element of the group conscious. Our group opens with the Preamble and closes with the Serenity prayer. From time to time we vote on changing our format. It took us a few years to stop reading the Lord’s Prayer. Not because we were against it but, we have to be more sensitive to the ever changing demographics in these rooms.
Your message means more to me than you will never know.
I do hope you and other groups will read Bill W's "Dear
Russ letter about closing with the Lords Prayer. The
group conscience (fully informed) must decide. It is the
holding hands and praying that I strongly object to.
I agree with Bill W. that it is OK to use the Lords
Prayer to close the meeting, if the majority of members
vote to do so, at a real group conscience meeting.
Don't let the loud mouth gurus control the group.
It is hard to believe that so many of us have remained
silent for so long. Reading HIW at meetings aloud, was
a tragic mistake. We must stop reading it at all meetings.
We may be in the minority now but keep spreading the
warning. Thank you again for your courage. ANONYMOUS
I've been a member of AA for many years and of course getting along better with some than others.
I try to stay cordial with everyone but prefer to have socialized with some more than others.
Now...there is one member I have known for years who has started to work with me. I consider him an AA friend and don't mind having coffee with him as long as it's with a group but not alone.
However, he greets me at work with a big smile as if we're long lost friends.
I've tried making it clear I don't want to socialize with him by avoiding the break room but he continues to look around for me.
This is becoming a drag because this guy (20 plus years of sobriety) doesn't have much sense of humor but does have a bit of a temper.
I have avoided going to my Sat. meeting because he oftens corners me after the meeting on when can we have lunch together at work.
What's a good way to get this guy off my back?
One way to get someone of your back is to think of
their good points! If that doesn't work just say,
"Get off my back!" Sounds like that guy needs a good wake-up call to me because his actions aren't very sober-like. We are all equals in AA but, not everyone is equal emotionally or psychologically. You have a right to protect yourself in the rooms and to set boundaries.
How about "I know it's scary for you being new here but my idea of a break from work is different from yours, now you need to excuse me."
If we are in a fit spiritual condition to receive it, we are given all the courage we need.
when you live with the demon of fear so shall your life be filled with the whirl winds of calamity. unable to take the first step beyond the fog of the mind. But also so shall fear be your friend it can motivate you to the hieghts of life to change the world in which you live in. which do you live with ?
The Grapevine I-Poll this month has to do with whether or not your group allows discussion of "other substances" and how that fits in with our primary purpose. It would seem that the majority of A.A.'s would have a problem with Bill W. And Dr. Bob sharing their stories in an A.A. meeting because of their insistence of mentioning "other substances". Has anybody ever read "Bill's Story" and "Doctor Bob's Nightmare" in the Big Book? Both of them mention substances other than alcohol. On pages 6 & 7 of the Big Book, Bill states "A doctor came with a heavy sedative. Next day found me drinking both gin and sedative. The combination soon landed me on the rocks...." and on page 177, Dr. Bob states "It was a really horrible nightmare, this earning money, getting liquor, smuggling it home, getting drunk, morning jitters, taking large doses of sedatives to make it possible for me to earn more money, and so on ad nauseam...." How dare they! Don't they know this is A.A.?
Some might say it isn't the same thing. But try substituting meth for sedative in Dr. Bob's story and you get "...taking large doses of meth to make it possible for me to earn more money...." See what I mean? I think the real problem is fear. We really shouldn't allow fear to cause us to close our ears (or our doors) to those we possibly may be able to help. Didn't we learn in the fear inventory part of our Fourth Step that "Perhaps there is a better way--we think so. For now we are on a different basis; the basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves."
Like many others you don't seem to know the difference between mentioning something and focusing on it.
The quotes you shared are single sentences taken out of complete stories. Yet you and so many others use these single sentences to justify turning your alcoholism story into a drug addiction story.
I was told many years ago that apologizing before you do something and then doing it is arrogance at its highest. Admitting, as so many do, "I know this is Alcoholics Anonymous but drugs are part of my story" simply tells everyone present that you realize you should keep your share focused on alcoholism but you are so egotistical you're going to talk about drugs anyway.
I have yet to meet an AA member who didn't have another issue or issues, including myself. However, those who practice the AA program and adhere to its Traditions stick to what the Preamble refers to as "our common problem". those who insist on being different by talking about other problems purposely ignore those who didn't use drugs, who come to AA in hopes of identifying with other alcoholics. You may as well say, "I know this is Alcoholics Anonymous, but I'm going to talk abut what I want to talk about and to h--- with anyone who didn't use drugs."
my grandfather was one of the original AA founders in Tulsa ok. he was in AA for 32 years until he passed away in 2000. i have a t-shirt that says original group AA tulsa, OK 1990. i am only 18 i have no drinking history, but i can feel my addictive personality. so i use parts of the twelve step recovery when i am at my weakest. my grandfather gave me alot, patience, a great sense of humor and many words of wisdom to live on with. although i didnt kno him for long, i was only 5 when he passed but my mother tells me many stories of him and hilarious jokes. he was the greatest man i know and if you didnt know him, you should have! his name was Delbert.
the reason i am writing this is to see if anyone knows or has heard of him?
my mother tells me, he couldnt even go out of the state without someone saying "hey, Delbert..."
he was many things, a husband, a father, a grandpa/"cowpa" as i called him, a true man of wisdom, a friend, an attorney, but what he would call himself was powerless.
i hopw that if you read this you will know that my granpa is on your side. fighting by your side head to head with your addiction also. me aswell. your not alone and dont ever give up!
My sponsee drank 1 beer 3 different times...last time he felt the craving but could stop he didn't get drunk...he asked me to help him now to work the steps..did he relapsed or he didn't???
Truthfully and out of respect, if you have to ask a question like this perhaps, you should reconsider sponsoring someone.
Some would call it relapse, some would say he hadn't stopped drinking yet. The 12 steps will arrest either.
Ask yourself this simple question; Is the message you want to carry to the newcomer "Just drinking one beer is okay no matter how many times you do it as long as you stop and don't get drunk."? I think the answer should be obvious.
After 34 + years of doing this program, when I repeat the fifth step, I'm still amazed to discover that I am consistantly the least reliable source for accurate information about me. If I want to know the truth about me I need to ask someone that knows me.
Roy B. Monroe LA
I'm so glad you are here, AA and a my AA friends, met and not yet met! I am 25 years sober, got sober Jan 24 1988 in Newport RI. I have been having a ot of trouble recenty. Trouble i cause and others also. Three weeks ago i spent a week in a heart ward in a hospita for a first time angina attack. I had been iving in a bad situation and after i got out of the hospita that situation was out for me. A friend helped me move in temporarly with one of my kids and it has been difficult on everyone. So I now have two weeks eft to get a job or go to a shelter. Thats ok ive been there before and my HP is with me. My sponsor of many years has suggested moving on is good for me. That wyy i can get to meetings and turn it around again. But im NOT drinking and its NEVER an option for this ga. If youre a newcomer keeep trying. Go to a meeting ca some one. Try a tiny bit of bravery. Sobriety is worth it! You will be abe to solve things you coudnt before with the hep of a good sponsor and some step work. God bless a of you. Ann in South Texas
Been staying in my room going crazy. Started going to meetings in October last year. Guess I instinctively new I was heading on a course of destruction. Felt better. Quit going to meetings, Got a DUI end of January. Had an almost spotless driving record before that (and no DUI's). Guess my instincts were right, just wish I would've listened more closely and kept on the right course, but every drunk's "bottom" is different I guess. I sincerely pray that this is my "bottom." I've done everything legally that I am supposed to do and have only had three drinks on three separate occasions since the DUI. Except I made the mistake of driving on the way to fill out job application. Got stopped.
Now I'm in my room isolated, trapped. I have no one to give me rides and no one to help me do errands. I've screwed myself again, feeling like a major criminal. I'm still not drinking, although I drank some vanilla extract yesterday after it happened because I felt I was going crazy with fear, guilt, and shame.
I know my story isn't as low as some drunks get in life, and this isn't my full backstory, but it's what I'm going through at this moment. AA meetings help immensely. I don't want to ask for rides, and I know that is not a good excuse, but it's the way I've always been (yes, I understand I have social issues, all drunks do).
Through it all I'm still not drinking because I don't want the "day after" depression I get from drinking. It's just not worth it. I don't know how I'm going to function without a car. It was my only freedom. I've been unemployed and looking for work for more than a year. Don't know how I'm going to get through this (one more) hurdle, and to be honest I don't know how I've made it this far. Well, I do know...God. I was doing so much better, was getting better. Right now I feel it's the end of the world with no one to talk to. Thanks for reading. I welcome any helpful suggestions. May you have few worries and many smiles. God Bless.
Hey there! i just read your comment and wanted to you to know that you are not alone. I get the part of not having transportation and trying to look for work. sometimes it helps to just get a change of scenery. Perhaps go for a walk or better yet pick up that 2,000 lb phone and get to a meeting. talk to peolple, eventually someone will be going in your direction it can't hurt to ask. I say this because I too get depressed when I Isolate. Solution. I get help. I talk to many of peolple. If not one, then another. i pray. I meditate. Then I just get out there and I mean I get out of my head by helping another. I'm one of those who really enjoy going to a meeting, to help and to be of service. In my gratitude list I write that it is a priveledge to have the opportunity to go to a meeting where I can be of service. Just for today. No matter what I don't drink. In my back-story death is not an option. If I drink that is exactly what I will get. I am glad I had the opportunity to read this. It reminds me not to go back in my room and lay down and feel horrible, but to go out for a walk.Taking my higher power with me.16 mths. God bless.
Call the AA hotline and get to a meeting. I nearly drove myself crazy when I was all alone.
Your story is not different from many in our fellowship. the key is getting to a meeting so that you can get a sponsor, get the steps in your life, talk to other alcoholics. I,also, drank again after having been convicted of a DUI and then a DWI. So I drove drunk again and now am a convicted felon. this was my last drunk. I don't regret anything because it had to happen that way so that i could be where i am today. We must not forget that pain that got us to AA rooms. I had to get out of self pity and isolation and threw myself into the program, doing everything that was suggested. I had no driver`s license for 4 yrs. yet I called women in AA and the promises began to come to me. I am so grateful that my nursing license wasn't suspended that i asked for help to get to mtgs, work, probation and this saved my life. My higher power was always there with gifts which I rejected for so long. In 6 weeks, I will celebrate 5yrs. sober. If I had not picked up that phone my life would be over and I wouldn't be sober today. We are the chosen that have the amazing opportunity to be members of Alcoholics Anonymous. Today, I have a life beyond my wildest dreams. And you can too if you work for it. God bless you.