Burning Desire to Share
I have almost 9 months sober now and haven't even made it past step 3, not because I am not willing and open and ready but because I am having an issue selecting the right sponsor. I had a temporary sponsor who completely lost her mind after 3 years of sobriety and believe she is using other substances and haven't seen her in 6 months so I selected a new sponsor who has just celebrated 2 years fresh out of finishing her 12 steps for the first time, keeps cancelling on our meetings to work on my steps, also when we did have a concrete date and time, planned a lunch together to do this, she had invited others along and was discussing her issues going on with her (boys and work) and completely disregarding what our plans were. also she doesn't go to meetings regularly and I don't even think she is doing any service work at this time. I do have to say that I don't call her as much as I should and when I do it is about 50/50 chance we get in touch. I have had to contact other women in the program to reach out for help more than I have from her to this point. I did go to a meeting last night and go figure...the topic was sponsorship (just what I was struggling with) and I have came to the decision that I need to ask someone else with more time and dedication for me. what do you think, am I wrong? I keep going back and forth on this because she has never sponsored anyone before and her relationship with her sponsor is not something I desire but I love her to death, she is a wonderful person, just not something I need for my sobriety or am I just trying to find the differences and excuses to jump to another sponsor? please help
You need to keep it simple. Just pick someone. Say it's temporary, and if it doesn't work out, get somebody else. It's dangerous to not have a sponsor. You are over-thinking it.
your totally right, I am over-thinking it. :)
I have had quite a few sponsors because I was dealing with other post-stress issues at the time. It taught me a good lesson that I feel guilty about now.AA is about getting over alcohol.Right now I have 9 years and my HP had been a pretty concrete Group of Drunks,Good Orderly Direction etc.I was so scared of my higher power being my former religion until I asked and was answered that it could be anything.I switched it and told my home group and they said fine.This switching it became a week or a month long and it finally hit me that what I was looking for was not a superhuman strength religion,per say,but,as I see it now,I pray to "spirit",as in "spiritual" and Mobius Strip as my Center that tells me that I can never graduate.That is one of "my clarity of thought"
ideations.I just breath a sigh of relief and gratitude that the drunks(BB) and the 12x12 was so extraordinarily powerful in itself.AE
It was suggested that I find someone with whom I felt I could be totally honest, which for me translated to someone who worked the AA principles outside in the real world, who was as mindful of the traditions as of the steps. I was not looking for someone who expected me to call every day, or who would call me, but someone who would be there when I needed them. If the person you selected is not responsive, it might benefit you to discuss your thoughts on sponsorship with her, what it means for both of you, and determine whether you are compatible. I would definitely read the AA pamphlet on sponsorship, and perhaps suggest that your sponsor do likewise, before you discuss. If you are on different pages, you will likely agree you need to find a new sponsor.
Thank you this helps alot
Perhaps making yourself noticed as someone in need of a sponsor would be helpful. Appearing as someone who deserves a good sponsor would be infinitely helpful. Everybody who walks in the door has a boatload of problems. A few have a boatload of problems and are willing to take some action to get rid of them. Potential sponsors notice them because they ask good questions; they have a 12 X 12 and a Big
Book and are reading them and asking questions about them in the meeting, in the “meeting before the meeting” and the “meeting after the meeting”. Throw in asking about the pamphlet “Q and A about Sponsorship” and you’ve painted a picture of yourself as someone who may be sponsor-able.
I have been only focusing on one meeting so I will branch out and go to other meetings and meet more people and just put it out there. thank you
“I have almost 9 months sober now and haven't even made it past step 3, not because I am not willing and open and ready but because I am having an issue selecting the right sponsor”
On my fourth step I was led to categorize my behavior into various character defects. Such as:
I claimed to have made a decision (step 3) do something and haven’t. Why? Afraid to look at myself – Fear, Irrational fear.
I saw others get on with steps four and five but not me. I’m a special case; I don’t need it –false pride.
Have I gotten a notebook and a box of pencils and wrote Step 4 at the top of page one? No, I’m not willing; I’m lying even saying I am. -dishonesty
I can’t do anything (like read the instructions in the Big Book and 12 & 12) because of other people won’t behave correctly (the way I say they should). – Blaming, superior, rationalizing.
One innocent sentence, 5 traits keeping me from “a new freedom and a new happiness…serenity…peace…”
Perhaps I need to look further into this me that I thought I knew so well. You think?
do you know me? :) I have went through this same thing and wrote everything out just like this now I just have to share it with someone. (step 5)
You forgot procrastination or as Bill called it sloth in five syllables.
If I were the original poster I think I would be working on a big case of self righteous anger right now if they were troubled with being oversensitive like me. They probably aren't though and will quickly thank us taking the time to help. That is unless they are ungrateful. Hope not or that could raise the count to eight. Possibly a new world record.
To re I Need:
Welcome to AA, you sound like one of us.
Okay, I am going to go out on a limb here and reply. Please understand that I am speaking completely from my experience and, also, that I am part of a sponsorship family that hears this a lot. The experience you described is why we have gone out of our way to be sure people we sponsor are prepared for doing the same some day. Anyway....
I am one of those self-proclaimed former agnostics/athiests who found the god of my understanding in this program. I apologize if what I am going to write here sounds like god-thumping. But I guess it is! The first time I experienced god was when I first heard the voice of the man who would eventually become my sponsor. Something deep inside me, which I soon learned to trust as the voice of my higher power, told me I needed to get to know this person because he would change my life. That turned out to be an understatement.
The reason I relate this is that, like most things in AA and our individual programs, I have found I need to practice turning my will and my life over to the CARE of god on a continual basis. In choosing a sponsor, I believe this to be imperative. I don't know you, other than what I read of what you wrote, but I would suggest that we, as alcoholics, do not CHOOSE a sponsor. We pray, listen and keep our eyes and ears open until the god of our understanding puts that person squarely in our path., the person s/he has chosen FOR us.
Again, in my experience, the man who is now my sponsor turned out to be the one person who could help me with the "impossible" tasks we call the second and third steps. His understanding of god and of turning it over were exactly what I needed to keep from repeating my previous 2-3 years of failed attempts at a program of recovery. My sponsor does not have years of sobriety. To the contrary he is just coming up on six months. But he has a sponsor who is one of those seasoned veterans who takes a no-nonsense approach to the steps and never apologizes for that. My sponsor has experienced the miracles and promises of recovery in a very real and personal way, and is constantly telling me and showing me just how real they are.
I am coming up on 60 days of sobriety. Because of my sponsor, my home group and most of all because of the absolute grace of the god of my understanding, I am not only not drinking, but I have found that I am completely relieved of the desire to drink. For some reason, my higher power felt that I needed that miracle. But it all started with being led to my sponsor. Without him and his ability to be led by inspiration I truly believe I would still be out there drinking and hating my life.
One other thing you said that I zeroed in upon. You said you don't call your current sponsor as often as you should. Even though I am short of 60 days in sobriety and sanity, I was recently asked to be a sponsor. Again, before he asked, I knew he was going to ask, because that now familiar voice inside my head prepared me. So when he did there was only one answer I could give.
As my sponsor did with me, I asked my sponsee to do a few things every day. One of those things is to call me, or text me, every day. I also passed on to him that this relationship he asked us to enter into requires absolute commitment not only from me to him, but from him to me. I can do this with my sponsor because I trust him absolutely and because my love for him is just as strong as his for me. I'm not sure how the relationship would work, otherwise.
So, that is my long, windy way of saying.... trust the god of your understanding. S/he has someone already prepared to help us in our journey. Our task is not to choose that person, or to seek out the longest sober or most intelligent sounding or most comfortable person, but rather to open our hearts and minds to the promptings that will lead us to them.
Sorry if I am preaching....... I wish you the best, in your search and your sobriety. Yes, there are lots of people in AA who are just talking the talk and it sounds like you have met a few of those. But, I promise you that there is someone out there for you who can teach you how to walk the walk just as they do. May you find her soon.
like I posted above, I will start going to more meetings and not worry so much about having a home group or a sponsor and just let my HP my God do his work.
The whole problem is that everyone is always talking about "get a sponsor" so I became more focused on that rather than just working the steps and talking to someone I trust (which is hard for me because I am a women and don't trust other women) but I am working on it and praying about it.
Great. Successful people of all kinds have used a multifaceted attack on problems. Different meetings, different people (have you read the women's stories in the Big Book).
Hard to trust other women? We used to trust alcohol. How much worse can we do than that?
Re: I need a sponsor
I find it ironic people looking foe an outside sponsor when God put a whole fellowship in front of you and people are sober now trying to find ways to isolate from the groups God put them in, but don’t worry it seems they have found you instead !!!
I am really good at isolating and finding the differences instead of the similarities. but now that I am aware of that pitfall and distancing myself from meetings and people are the wrong steps to be taking I can work harder to not stay on the right path.
Progress not perfection is what I have to tell myself A LOT. :)
On 5/18/2013 someone posted on this thread Bill’s warning about the danger of AA becoming some sort of new religion. The author tries to make it sound as it was so important that he wrote about it three times. Looks to me he said it once during a speech when AA was twenty years old and he was turning over control to an elected board. In a Grapevine article in 1963 he suggested re-reading it and Language of the Heart is simply a compilation of Bill W’s Grapevine writings. In total, that’s once. I suppose a person could multiply it times the number of copies in print but I don’t. It’s once. The poster goes on to say that AA has become some kind of religion. I don’t know what the mean by that and it is certainly not my experience.
The actual text supposedly referred to in Alcoholics Anonymous Comes of Age is in two parts. First on the bottom of p 231, “As a society we must never be so vain as to suppose that we have been the authors and inventors of a new religion. We will humbly reflect that each of AA’s principles, every one of them, have been borrowed from ancient sources.” The second is in the footnote on 232, “…Nothing, however, could be so unfortunate for AA’s future as to attempt to incorporate any of our personal theological views into AA’s teachings, or tradition…”
Taken together Bills saying AA is not a new religion and it is not limited by his or Dr Bob’s personal denominational beliefs. By the time the chapter concludes two pages later Bill has made reference to God eight more times. He just includes God mater-of-factly, he doesn’t explain or justify. For Bill Wilson belief in God in AA is simply a given. Something calling itself AA that doesn’t include God is outside of his mindset. If someone thinks they can develop some kind of secular version of AA, I don’t see them getting any justification or encouragement from AA founders because it simply isn’t there.
If you don’t want hear it from AA founders then take it from the New York Court of Appeals:
“..the religious-oriented practices and precepts of Alcoholics Anonymous …”
“…the state has exercised coercive power to advance religion by denying benefits … to atheist and agnostic inmates who object and refuse to participate in religious activity (AA)."
AA is is about God ladies and gentleman. In the words of the Eagle’s Don Henley and Glen Fry “Get over it”.
There is no doubt that AA is thoroughly infused with "God" or the more digestible, "Higher Power". There is no doubt that AA and its founders sprouted in rich Christian soil. The entire purpose of the Big Book is to help the alcoholic "find a Power greater than yourself which will solve your problem."
People who have a problem with God, religion or spirituality are probably going to have a problem with AA. Sorry, it IS a spiritual program. There's no getting around that. But, there are HUGE outs, if you will, for folks who are allergic to God & religion.
Bill, Bob & the early members realized that a traditional Christian or God door would be too constricting for alcoholics living at the bottom of life's sewer. So they opened the door as wide as they could by including the concept of a "Higher Power" and allowing each individual to define that term as they wish. A HP could be your sponsor, the group, the principles of the program, Jesus, God, Allah, the universe or nothingness. Whatever. All AA asks are 3 simple things:
Honesty - "This God stuff is bullshit" - OK, got that part.
Open Mindedness - "I have to admit, my way ain't gettin it done".
Willingness - "Maybe I'll take a look at how you folks are staying sober".
But, you don't even need to do HOW if you don't want. In fact, you don't have to do anything in AA. Nothing. AA is not about you. It's about me being there for you. That's how I stay sober. How you stay sober is your business.
If AA is a religion it is a very strange one. We have no leaders. We don't own anything. You can believe whatever you want...or nothing. You don't have to do anything to be a member except have a desire to not drink. WE have no dues or fees. We have no opinion on outside issues. The doorway of AA may still be too restrictive for some. And that's ok. AA is not for everyone.
Religion is good – Religious I question ?
I am glad A.A. is a spiritual program not a religious one administered by someone, Glad God is everything or nothing and glad I was not diverted by the religious outside sponsorship system inside A.A's 164 pages of the program in the Big book,
Today I have to many friends in A.A to associate with the diverters. Thank you God
Alcoholics Anonymous IS a spiritual fellowship. No
apology. Spiritual principles are our guide. But to
become a member of A.A. the only thing required of the
alcoholic approaching us is the desire to get well. Bill
wrote that in one of the "Three Talks to Medical Societies."
No one is required to believe in God to get sober or to
join us in A.A. We really need to become less restrictive
and more inclusive. If we can be attractive enough to keep
them coming, something of great moment is likely to occur.
If we push them away with religion their chances are practically nil. Our spiritual goals are to become more honest, gain in purity, become less selfish and more loving. ANONYMOUS
You said, “If someone thinks they can develop some kind of secular version of AA….” This is not what I gather from reading several of the posts. Even though I have a faith, in fairness to the more secular members I notice there can be at times a hostile force towards them not by AA itself but by individual members who feel they are more important than AA. I think if the more secular members were accepted as equal members than the problem would disappear. AA is made up of both secular and religious ideas so we can come together and solve our common problem. Yes, it’s true, the “Big Book Program” is spiritual in nature and some find it religious but, the “Fellowship” is secular as written by the Preamble. Where is it written, “The only requirement for membership is a desire to be religious or secular?” Therefore tossing about this issue doesn’t make any sense but hurts AA as a whole. Bill and Bob have hugs waiting for anyone who has a desire to stop drinking. We need to display a little love and tolerance and mind our own side of the street. People who engage in defending ideologies tend to be defending their egos. I personally am a devout Catholic however I separate my religious faith when I enter the rooms. But, even as a Catholic I find certain hostilities from members who claim to be "spiritual" Some members in my group think I am an atheist because I never talk about God, which perhaps is a wonderful compliment in the strangest way. Let’s focus on the newcomer and learn to love the person whose recovery is different than ours. The newcomer can do without the “King of the Hill” mentality because they are coming from a place that is nothing but that. The hope AA offers is a loving fellowship not a room full of egomaniacs and fanatics defending positions that do not need to be defended. As the old saying goes, “When we create an enemy, we become the enemy."
It may be an old saying but I am 68 and I never heard it before---I like it a lot
Please tell me why you use the names like, Dr. Bob and Bill W in the today's Quotes for Today, when their teacher was Jesus. I guess what I really want to know is why is Jesus's name like a bad word around A.A.
For me He has all the answers. Is it because there might be a New Comer in the room and we don't want to scare him or her away, I don't think so, or else we wouldn't mention God. If you never read about what Jesus said ? Please check it out for your self and please don't listen to close mined people, sorry I mean don't take to heart what some people say about Jesus
Charlie, when Bill W. was addressing the National Clergy on Alcoholism, he shared the following:
"National Clergy Conference On Alcoholism
The "Blue Book" Vol.12, 179-210, 1960
Co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous
Reverend Raymond J.H. Kennedy, S.J., Chairman
"God as we understand Him" this expression having been coined, I think, by one of our former atheist members. This was indeed a ten-strike. That one has since enabled thousands to join AA who would have otherwise gone away. It enabled people of fine religious training and those of none at all to associate freely and to work together. It made one’s religion the business of the A.A. member himself and not that of this society."
I think people receive the word of God differently. When I was a little kid, I imagine others were getting comfort and hope from the message in the Methodist church I grew up in. What I felt was shame and guilt for not living up to perfection. Something wrong with my receiver. Think it’s called the ‘ism” in alcoholism.
Since I have gotten sober, I have studied a variety of religious ideas and frankly, the more I look at Christianity the further I am drawn away. I have friends and family that I dearly love that are deeply religious Christian people. I respect them. I can clearly see that they have a quite different relationship with the Divinity than I do. The ones that I know that are truly committed and happy with it don’t see it as THE ONLY WAY. They respect others and their different relationship with God.
I try to keep in mind that every single member of Alcoholics Anonymous is there because of his or her misbehavior, not assets and from my experience many can do little more stop consuming alcohol. Many have had religion crammed down their throats. Members of your religion have a long history of being the target of intolerance, it’s part of the package.
I am perfectly comfortable with any AA speaking briefly, about their commitment to Christ or any other idea of a Higher Power. If it goes beyond that I am pushed away by it. Wear the label openly; show the world how well it works by your actions. If others aren’t drawn to it, they are hearing another one of God’s voices. Trust that God knows what he is doing and respect that and them.
Charlie B: Tradition one gives each individual A.A.
member the right to speak as he/she choses. I can say that
Jesus is my savior and my sobriety was given to me by God,
through Jesus Christ. In my case that is true.
The problem (and there is a problem) is if I try to
impose my beliefs on other A.A. members. We are taught
as Christians to spread the gospel and save souls.
This is where self-control and discipline come in. We
only share what happened to us in our own lives, without
appearing as preachers, teachers or evangelizers. This is very difficult to do.
We can talk about God, Jesus or anything you choose,
but don't prod or push any belief on anyone else in A.A.
You can preach on the street corners but not at an
A.A. meeting. Do not tell any member "That one is God,
May you find Him now! Let Bill W. tell him, through
reading the Big Book. ANONYMOUS
I don't think that people are saying that the name Jesus is a bad word or a bad name. To me it maybe folks are saying that Jesus implies a particular religious or spiritual belief system. In this program, the traditions tell us that we have a HP of our own understanding. Many people have had horrendous experiences with organized religion, and some folks don't believe in Jesus, with regards to their spiritual belief system. Therefore, as a member of AA I must be careful in my sharing not to be specific with regards to who and what my HP is or isn't so that all may decide for themselves. If a new comer hears a particular reference to a God of someone else's understanding, they might not come back.
I can relate to what you've said about your relapse / slip. I too had a pretty long time of sobriety and then, like you, "at a totally, surprising time" I had a couple of glasses of wine. Gradually, like you, I went "back to my ways, slowly but surely."
One thing I found helpful was the essay Slips and Human Nature by Dr. Silkworth (the doctor who wrote The Doctor's Opinion in the Big Book) which the AA Grapevine published in 1947.
Dr. Silkworth compares an alcoholic's relapse / slip to a cardiac patient's and a tuberculosus patient's relapse / slip. What I found most interesting is Dr. Silkworth's comments on the thinking that occurs before the relapse / slip. I liked how Dr. Silkworth ended the essay:
"In any event, the psychology of the alcoholic is not as different as some people try to make it. The disease has certain physical differences, yes, and the alcoholic has problems peculiar to him, perhaps, in that he has been put on the defensive and consequently has developed frustrations. But in many instances, there is no more reason to be talking about "the alcoholic mind" than there is to try to describe something called 'the cardiac mind' or the 'TB mind.' I think we'll help the alcoholic more if we can first recognize that he is primarily a human being - afflicted with human nature."
Reading Dr. Silkworth's essay after my own relapse / slip helped me to stop beating myself up and feeling like such a loser.
Dreamed one night that I passed away and left the world behind. Started on down that lonesome trail, some of my friends to find.
Came to a sign on that trail; directions it did tell: Turn right to go to heaven; keep left to go to hell.
Well, I hadn’t been too good on earth, just a hopeless boozing rake. Knew there at the cross roads the path I’d have to take.
So I started down that rocky road. Yeah, the one that leads to Satan’s place. I shook within, not knowing, just who or what I would have to face.
Satan said, “What’s your name, my friend?”
I said, “Joe…who came to a sad end.”
He glanced through some files. “You made a mistake I fear. You’re listed here as an alcoholic, and we don’t even want you here.”
I said I was looking for some friends, and a smile stole on his face. He said, “If your friends are alcoholics, you can find them in that other place.”
So I rushed back up that rocky path till the crossroads I did see. Turned right to go to heaven, as happy as can be.
Saint Peter said, “Come in, my friend, for you and I have a birth. You’re listed here as an alcoholic, and you’ve been through h*ll on earth.”
I saw Kristen, Mark, and you all know our brother, Bill. Brothers and sisters, I was tickled. I thought you had all gone to h*ll.
So, brothers, and sisters, take warning. Learn something from this trip: You got a place in heaven if you try hard not to slip.
If someone tempts you with a drink when you’re not feeling well, just tell them you’re going to heaven, and they can go to h*ll! LOL
Joe R Wild Ones Group Wildomar, Calif
Whenever I'm feeling good/bad, etc., or otherwise, there is now a necessary reason to drink.
I had 10 wonderful years of sobriety and at a totally, surprising time, decided to have a little shot of schnapps.
In my whole career as a drinker, I "never" drank schnapps. Who Knows why I picked up the little shot as part of an unprepared, unrehearsed, relapse. I can only say this - it is because I am and will always be an "Alcoholic"
Since that day, I have gone back to my ways, slowly but surely. I have gained some moments of sobriety but feel there is always something lacking. I can't seem to fill the VOID in my chest - and drinking will never allow me to do such a thing.
I have lost many things during my career as an alcoholic but never this much. I have now lost the respect of family and friends (my phone doesn't ring much) as well as my mate.
I knew these things would happen - as per the many, many, stories told by my friends in the rooms, but I truly thought my friendly, compassionate personality would save me - WRONG!!!!!!!
I am desperately trying to crawl my way back but would dearly love to hear some friendly advice (I have a
terrific sponsor and a great friend in the program but would appreciate hearing something else as well}.
Your fellow AA alumni friend, Deborah
I've been where you are countless times. There's nothing worse than having a belly full of booze and a head full of AA. I had to really really want it. My higher power is and has been my saving grace. For me there is no other way. I proved that many times. My prayers are with you.
You will be OK !
When I came into AA 21 years ago in Dublin,Ireland, I thought I had a million problems. Then a sober member of our fellowship held up his index finger and asked me if I could count..... I said "sure thats ONE".....
"Never forget it my friend, It's the most important thing you'll ever have to remember in your life"
"Don't take one sip out of one drink"
This has been my experience and I prey I never forget this most important fact in my life today !
Everything else sorts itself out............
Congratulations for posting here! Your story is quite scary to me because I have double digit sobriety and I feel like it could happen to me. I try to insure against that possibility of picking up the drink by staying close to the program.
Your sponsor may already have given you this advice, but my advice to you is to go to a meeting every day for 90 days. During those ninety meetings, someone is going to say, "we need someone to bring cake next week" or some such. Say yes. In other words, pick up any little service commitment you can. And here's the big piece of advice (and something I have trouble with myself)...don't worry about tomorrow, just stay sober today and everything is going to work out. Hang in there and be sure to write back here.
Tom in Chicago
try going to meetings and sharing. get honest with yourself. this disease is very deadly and the only way to beat it is get to meetings and get honest with yourself
What worked for me was a spiritual experience as a result of the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous and intensive work with other alcoholics.
But there are some things that meeting relationships be suffering with in common. Some relationships take stuck in peaceful coexistence, but without truly relating to each. While it may earmarks of firm on the surface, require of involvement and communication increases distance.
In the 11 lines of your statement: "I" eleven times, "me" two times, "my" one time. WE do understand how you feel. Please get back to meetings and follow the directions - Get A Home Group, make friends, Get A Sponsor. Do SERVICE, Help someone else, etc. WE'll be waiting for You. If you have trouble, for nany reason, getting to a meeting ,You might try Sober Voices, 1-712-4320075 access code is 654443# If you still have trouble connecting to God, try praying for someone else. that works for us. Yours in love and service, joe h Pennsylvania
I quit drinking two months ago. Again. Before that, I drank for five months. Before that, I didn't drink for a year. Before that, I drank for two years. Before that, I didnt drink for a year and a half. Before that, I would not drink three to nine monthes at a time but always go back to drinking for three to nine monthes at a time. This lasted five years. Before the three to nine month drinking / not drinking period started, I did not drink for six years. Prior to that I drank steadily for 20+ years.
The end of my 20+ years of steady drinking came in 1996 with an "ah ha" moment where I realized that drinking had taken over my life. I obsessed about it, I craved it. During the next 16 years, I was often free of it, sometimes for extented periods (11 years total). However, any time that I started drinking again I always got caught in the obsession and craving (five years total). I was on the merry go round.
Now I am at the point were I "know" that the obsession and craving will come back if I drink. I didn't know that after my first six years of not drinking. I really thought that after such an extended period of time not drinking, that I could start drinking in moderation. It didn't seem unreasonable to believe that I would now be able to take it or leave it. I was wrong. The ensuing years demonstrated that any time I decided to drink, I would end up drinking too much, too often. My thoughts would become dominated by the desire for the next drink and my actions and life revolved around seeking out and having the next drink.
The notion of "doing more research" is sometimes spoken of in a dispariging way. As if knowledge of one's condition should be self evident and only a fool wouldn't see it. I guess I'm that fool. Once I figured out that the length of time away from alcohol didn't change anything, I tried everything else. For instance, I tried changing what I was drinking. I thought the volume of beer I had to drink to get drunk would limit me. Wrong. It didn't work. I would go to the ligour store time and again telling myslf that this time I would drink less and make it last for the week. I would be back at the liquor store in two days for more.
I'm at the point now that I want to quit for good. Not pick up another drink. Ever. My experience tells me that I haven't been able to moderate my drinking. When I don't drink, the promises come true -- not because God has finally decided to hand them out to me in asnswer to my prayers -- but because life gets better when not drinking. Whenever I drink, the drinking takes over, along with all the crap that goes with it. I want to take the necessary actions to get alcohol out of my life permanently.
I'm writing this post because I just need to say it in writing. I guess that's why it's called the Burning Desire to Share forum. I assume that by posting here there will be advice and "suggestions" that will come my way. I'm OK with that, although I think it's more effective when AA'ers share their own experience, streghth and hope instead of quoting literature. Please try not to bang the Big Book and the 12 Steps on my head. I'm agnostic. I doubt that there is a God, whether "He" is of your understanding or mine. I'm not willing to say for sure that I know there is not a God, so I'm agnostic rather than atheist. I definitely don't think I'm God, nor have ever thought that I was God. I'm always amazed that there are people in AA who say they thought they were God and the revelation that they are not has some relevance to believing in God. I don't think I'm the Queen of Sheba, but that doesn't prove anything about her existence. I've read the "We Agnostics" chapter multiple times and don't find Wilson's arguments convincing. I've sincerely attempted to believe in God and divine intervention through prayer. I've tried the "fake it till you make it" concept. Ive tried believing in God substitutes (higher powers). It seems like trying over and over with the same results is the definition of insanity. Yet, even without a God or a God substitute, I'm not willing to give up on getting sober.
I have a lot of uncertainty and anxiety about the future but I feel better after writng this post.
Don't give up, don't back down. I am almost a carbon copy of your situation and feel like you. It's not about God or Religion - it's about our inner self and strength. I'll make it happen if you do! :o)
Spiritual axioms are never proven; they are defined by this lack.
axiom (noun) a statement or idea that people accept as self-evidently true.
When dealing in unknown, unknowable areas, the rules of proof are of no value. On the other hand accepting that “all that can be” must be within “what I can understand” doesn’t hold up under much scrutiny, does it?
By accident, when I started AA I landed at a table that studied steps 1, 2, 3 in rotation. The other meting I happened into was a gratitude meeting on Friday night. (Good combination by the way) I didn’t know anything else so this was AA to me. 1, 2, 3, G over and over. Despite being a devout non-believer the thing in step two about how our “Faith” in electricity keeping my food in the refrigerator cold, made life easier for me. I had been to Paris a few years before and saw how the rest of the world carried their groceries home twice a day on their bicycles. I’m busy; I like my refrigerator, thank you. Point 1. Faith, in some cases, opens up choices, improves the quality of my life. Surprisingly for some I’m sure; my reasoning did not jump from this small insight to the whole Christian-walks-on-water-heaven-hell-rapture package. Still hasn’t. However with some effort seeking, reading, listening, observing, discarding (yes, mainly discarding) and reasoning I have come up with an image that answers life’s otherwise unanswerable questions, meets AA’s requirements for a higher power, helps keep me sober, improves the quality of my life. That takes care of two. Three, God’s will for me? Steps four through twelve and enjoy my new life. No-brainer, it’s spelled out in the manual.
One of my A.A. friends pointed out that gravity is
also a power that I cannot see or touch. But gravity
can be overcome. I am grateful that belief in God
is not required for sobriety or membership in A.A.
Far too many alcoholics would not approach us in the
first place. I believe many alcoholics blame God for
their dilemma. When they hear: Find God and find Him
now, they walk away. Away from what may be their
last chance for recovery and life. ANONYMOUS
Misquote! The big book says "may you find him now " in AA we ought to be free to say anything that is in our big book. If not we ought not have the big book or continue to print it!
My Big Book(fourth edition) says: and I quote: May you
find Him now! end quote. In A.A. we are free to say anything
that is in the big book. But do we have to say the same thing over and over at every meeting? The repeated reading of "How it Works" pushes new people away, and becomes
monotonous to the rest of us. No, I have not done a survey.
Members just do not "keep coming back", although we
do the chant after holding hands and praying, Keep coming
back, etc etc, etc. ANONYMOUS
Hallo,i am for 6 years in aa and relapsed many times.I know that i can not drink normaly.When i pick up the first drink i can´t stop. an real alcoholic can never drink save for the rest of his live. And with god or your Higher Power;fake it till you make it.So do I.
I wish you a lot off succes!
A member of AA in Holland.
Thank you for posting a message.
I live in the middle of the United States and my first job out of University was in Delft, Holland in a training center for an oil service company. Beyond my greatest dream. I couldn't see the difference between the other men's drinking and mine. They could have a couple of Amstel's after work and study what we were to learn. You know what happened after I drank the first beer.
My dream job lasted about 3 months. I never came close to as good of a job and certainly not in such a beautiful place. I had every excuse but I really didn't see my alcoholism had caused losing that job until years later when I got sober.
I don't like fake it until you make it. Sounds exactly opposite from "half measures availed us nothing" from chapter five of Alcoholics Anonymous. The closer I stay to that book the better my life is.
Have a great day and enjoy your beautiful country.
Thank you for posting your reacting and your story.Nice to read that your first job was in Delft.It's a nice place.
You 're riht;half measures availed us nothing!So i do my prayer every day altough i am agnostic.Read my Big Book every day.I see a lot of people in AA with a long sobriety,so i know that it's works.Now i am for three month's sober and every day i feel better and enjoy my life.
Have a nice day and greets from Holland.
When I first saw your message I almost just scrolled
past it, as just another drunk-a-log. Taking a good look,
my mind changed. First of all I would like to extend a
sincere apology for our failure. Many will say A.A. didn't
fail, you failed. If a treatment fails, we blame it on the
You are an alcoholic. You have the typical obvious
signs and symptoms. I have the same condition. When I
drink anything containing alcohol, something happens to
me that does not occur in a normal social drinker. They
can take it or leave it alone, even after having one or
two drinks. We almost never stop until we reach a point
today I see as dangerous.
I see reference to "we agnostic" meetings being formed
in some parts of the country. Try to find one. They seem
to be trying to separate religion from our fellowship.
Bill W. wrote that nothing could be so unfortunate
for A.A. future, as becoming some sort of new religion.
We have done that. I certainly did my part in bring my
own religious belief into A.A. tradition. You can read
Bill W.'s warning to us on page 345 in The Language of the
Heart, LOTH, beginning at the bottom of the page. Bill
repeats a warning he had first written in Alcoholics
Anonymous Comes of Age. I think it is around page 232
in AACA. Bill wrote the first warning in 1957 in AACA.
He repeated the warning in an article for the AA Grapevine
in 1963. Bill must have seen the religious element
creeping into A.A. tradition.
I identify with you as an alcoholic. I am grateful that
the treatment, remedy, solution, technique, method that
I found at my first meetings worked for me. I am convinced
that today's A.A. would have failed me, the same as it
is failing you. Look for a meeting that is not some kind
of religious cult, with everyone pushing their own agenda.
You may not find one, but if you keep your eyes and ears
open, maybe you can start such a meeting yourself. Like-
minded A.A. members can form "we agnostics" group. But
please do not call it an agnostic group. Just call it an
A.A. group. I am a believer but don't want to be excluded
from any A.A. meeting.
Thanks for writing. I also feel better after writing
this post. I believe this is "How It Works". ANONYMOUS
"But please do not call it an agnostic group. Just call it an
But please don't call it an AA group. Just call it an agnostic group.
Thank you for your answer and suggetions.
In my fellowship were told me it's not possible to stay sober when you don't believe in a Higher Power.So i'm a litttle bit scared for relapsing again.I go to meetings,have a sponsor and doing my steps.