Burning Desire to Share
I relapsed after 18 years. I was out for 8 years. There is only 1 (one) reason for my relapse failure to improve my spiritual conditioning. I stopped praying and meditating. I stopped relying upon God as I understand Him. I began to hold onto secerts and stopped asking for the removal of my shortcomings. I held onto resentments and insanity returned and I was off to the races. The active alcoholism returned and it progressed. It never got better it only got worse. I am back now and as soon as I became willing to rely upon God and live the program recovery began to evolve. I got a sponsor and attended a meeting a day to help keep the obsession away. I worked through the steps again and through willingness the door to God slightly opens a little more each day. I ask God for help and he heals everday living problems. I hope no one has to go through what I did. Relapse is not required. May a lovging and caring God and the saving grace of AA be a stepping stone into a way of life wort living. With unconditional love.
I relapsed after being sober for nine yrs. I wasn't working any steps or anything like that- i was just staying sober. Fear, loneliness and self-pity got the best of me. After awhile i just stopped trying.
Now that i am back in AA,i am quick to listen rather than speak. And i now follow the steps.
Look up on line an artical by Dr. Silkworth entitled
" Slips and Human Nature"
When I read someone say they lost 18 yrs I feel sad. I can't say I relate because I've never slipped...yet however if do ever slip, I wont be so presumptious, so self unaware as to think I would have the faintest proof or a closed mind that made me think I could ever be positive exactly why I slipped...correction. I would know...ITS BECAUSE I CHOSE TO DRINK. The only reason I could ever slip. Its a choice. God didn't get me drunk and god wont get me sober. So much spewing of thinly veiled christianity polluting the last refuge of the suffering alcoholic...Alcoholics Anonymous. We are a program that believes in reliance upon a power greater than ourselves. Not voodoo sobriety where if I shake a stick or chant a chant I will stay sober. Its not a science, its a crapshoot, some make it and some don't. Having a sponsor and praying to the east at 5 o'clock every day, meditating, hail marys, they may relieve stress this way, and that can keep you more mentally stable. A good thing, but barber shop haircut quotes , sick as your secrets quotes and other misdirected sayings are not the key to sobriety or staying sober. It doesn't matter what you say or what you ask god to remove. It matters what YOU DO about it. Don't drink or use and you will not slip. Grow up act like a normie and take full responsibility for your life. It is the only thing you have total control over you are not powerless in this respect.. good luck.
Can you hear me clapping, 18 Years and NO Relapse?
So glad to hear someone speaking the truth on here - BRAVO!!! The truth will always be the truth...
At first read I thought your comment somewhat harsh, but you are absolutely right!
The only way to not relapse is to not drink.
If people remember what inspired their decision to quit in the first place, that alone should squash any desire to have even a little drink.
When the pain got greater enough i became willing tto change, After 19.5 years in and out of institutions,jails, other fellowships, recovery houses, twice in AA and non existant to reality, self centered. selfish sob had to get my right size with more pain
Thank God I understand the disease concept of alcoholism. If I could have stop drinking just by sheer will power, I wouldn't be an alcoholic. I know this because I tried for years to not pick up a drink. The only thing that worked for me was the program and fellowship of AA. Service work, prayer to a Power greater than myself, mediatation, and step are are fundamental to my sobriety. I've also been coming to understand that humility is huge. The moment I think I am in control of this disease is the moment I am headed toward serious danger. Be well!
I attend two Language of the Heart meetings. Recently
a member who has been sober 29 years stated that he had
never heard if the book. This book is LOADED with information about Alcoholics Anonymous and its history.
Making these writings by Bill available by ebook is
sure to increase the readership. Of course the real
history book, Alcoholics Anonymous Comes of Age, is also
of great importance, but AACA is owned by a separate inc.
In my opinion, there are several books of equal importance to the Big Book and the 12&12,in addition to The Language of the Heart. PASS IT ON, and
DR. BOB AND THE GOOD OLDTIMERS. Another wonderful book
is BILL W. a biography of Bill by ROBERT THOMSEN. This book is not conference approved, although it was sold by GSO
for several years. Thanks, Grapevine, for the continued
effort to increase readership. I am personally still
attached to the printed page and have a box of Lang books
including the large print. Change is slow for me. ANONYMOUS
I am a member of AA. What I was taught early on was I stole enough from my employer while drinking and that now it was time to work when I was at work (i.e., limited personal calls only when absolutely necessary, not doing personal things such as paying bills, etc., showing up on time). Now I sit next to a long time AA who spends much of her day on the phone with other AA's and spends a majority of her time doing personal things while being paid by the company. Can anyone share their experience with this. It just rubs me the wrong way period while I'm working, working, working -- this person is a holier than thou AA -- I know it's my side of the street I need to worry about, and I'm praying all the time on this, but some days are harder than others.
That is an interesting question about work. I find myself spending quite a bit of work time on personal things and often feel guilty about it but also rationalize it. It probably would be good to only work while at work but, and here come the buts, but I am so busy with family at night that it is hard to resist paying a quick bill or making an appointment or whatever.
If you're spending so much time listening and judging her then you are not putting all your attention on your job either. May I suggest that you Live and Let Live. It's not about you.
I had my last drink on 8 Feb 1970. It was a Sunday afternoon
and I was nursing a hangover after a month long drunk. Prior
to the last drunk, I had been alcohol free for a four month
period. I had gone to an AA meeting in Dec 1968, but
continued drinking until Oct 1969. I went to my second
meeting and stopped drinking. I picked up liquor again
just prior to going to the Super Bowl Game in New Orleans.
My "plan" was to drink in New Orleans and stop again when
I returned home. After a month of trying to stop, I just
resigned to the fact that I was just going to be a drinker
and would live out my life that way. I left the bar that day
after only about eight bottles of beer. Due to a set of
circumstances, still beyond my understanding, that was my
last alcoholic drink. Alcoholics Anonymous became The Way
Out for me. In AA I found what I had been searching for
in the botttom of a liquor bottle, a place where I felt
I belonged, a fellowship of men and women, the fellowship I craved. Thank God and AA for a sober life. And I am still
living it. ANONYMOUS
So glad for you! Posts like this make my day -- AA does work, if I work it --
Your comment has been queued for moderation by site administrators and will be published after approval.
May times I find it not - as many were not offensive but the chosen moderators defensive !!!
Last Friday evening, I attended a relatively large, one hour meeting. There were a number of newcomers. I consider myself a newcomer: I had eighteen years, then crashed and burned for seven years. I was close to two years and stumbled for two months. By the mercy and grace of God, I now have five and a half months.
Only six or seven people shared at the meeting, including myself. A man at the meeting was the last to share – we were going around the room, not even sure his turn was next, and - Blast! His sharing was a bombastic explosion – Arms raised while he fiercely chastised the group for their failings. I offer a paraphrasing of his sermon: He was fed up, sick and tired and pissed off about all these people who keep coming in and out and can’t get their sobriety straightened out… ( Like him.) If they’d just do the f**king steps and get into action… (Like him.)
SINCE 1985, I HAVE ATTENDED COUNTLESS MEETINGS IN MANY AREAS - I HAVE NEVER HEARD ANYONE SAY SOMETHING LIKE THIS – NEVER.
Am I being overly sensitive or dramatic? No.
It felt like a dagger pierced my chest. A feeling struck me that due to my heinous fall from grace, even in a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous, I didn’t fit or belong. What to do? Am I strong enough to do this on my own until I have acquired the appropriate amount of time and growth - and then come to meetings and show how together I am? This brief feeling passed into extreme anger. I told a man sitting next to me that my idea of action was taking the guy outside and plowing his face through the dirt parking lot. No one at the meeting refuted or added anything to this man’s admonishment – nor did I - I felt too raw and stunned with anger and feared I would not be able to restrain myself physically. Note: I did not hold back due to a sense of moral compunction or the fact that I am female and fifty-eight years of age.
Several people approached me after the meeting concluded and expressed appreciation for my sharing. As I walked towards the parking lot, a young woman in her early twenties also thanked me for sharing – she was in tears – she had had sixty days, went out and now had twenty-four days – and was just informed at an A. A. meeting that she, her desire and effort were, essentially, worthless.
DID I VENT MY FEELINGS AT THAT POINT? OH, YEAH. I told her under no circumstances to listen to what the creep had said – she had every right to be at a meeting – any meeting, any time – no matter what. I repeated what the program states and encouraged her not to be swayed by some twisted jerk’s shameful, hurtful comments and to stay sober and feel good about her progress. I also said a number of things I will not put into print. She mentioned that the guy had been nice to her before – well, not too difficult to figure that out.
This guy claims to have twenty-four years of sobriety. I have heard him lead meetings. He is quite boastful regarding his character defects and ongoing struggles as an enthusiastic participant in the 13th Step. His remarks invariably include, in one way or another: “cheating on my wife.”
Have I been personally approached by him? Yes. His pseudo-solicitous modus operandi was obnoxious. I have since revised my opinion: I believe his pretentious, malicious behavior, words and actions are a dangerous threat.
When the guy walked out of the back door of the meeting that night, I heard the tail end of a comment he made which, naturally, included a reference to “cheating on my wife.”
I am fortunate to have years of exposure to the A.A. program. My grateful commitment to a program of sobriety is firm. Will I continue to attend meetings for support and guidance? Absolutely. Will I continue to welcome newcomers with kindness and respect? Absolutely.
Will I say something to the guy from the meeting? Yes. I will strongly suggest that in order to stop the further spreading of his malignancy, he immediately cease and desist from preying on newcomers, in particular, and others, in general; that he strike from his legend in his own mind repertoire all references to his alleged program and, most definitively, cheating on his wife; that he see a psychiatrist regarding his obvious confusion about which side he truly wishes to butter his bread on, and lastly, should the world be blessed by his absence – he will not be missed.
- Ice Queen
What seems to work for me in a case such as this is to follow the instructions found on page 552 in the BB.
I met this fellow you describe, this vocalized hater of the serial slippers. Many of us have met those harboring radicalized malevolence regarding the struggle of others. In my case, it was a fellow who'd come to an open meeting hosted in a treatment center I was attending. He spoke with such ill will of those who'd failed and failed again to find an anchor in sobriety. Offered to buy them their first drink. And of all places he'd chosen there, in the presence of many in desperate search of that center. It was awful, and I exploded on him at the meetings conclusion. Afterwards, though, I wondered as much about my own reactionary behavior, and its testimony about me. In my own pursuit, I seek equanimity – that air of personal contentment that I admire in others with more experience than I, calm and confident not just in their sobriety, but in themselves. I'm still a long way off, but very happy in my journey.
Like so much in AA, this falls to our simple slogans: tend to our own side of the street, and “keep coming back” – the latter so much more than a friendly parting, it’s in the soul of our fellowship, and it saved my life.
Please remember that in AA meetings we always have two things:coffee and sick people and at some meetings we don't have coffee.
The people who judge don't matter and the people who matter don't judge.
Please don't let the actions of a sick person stop you from comming to AA.
Is the outside sponsorship system killing A.A through there personalities - Personality is simply another persons reality not always Gods.
Does the outside system undermined the 3 pertinent ideas of A.A. itself? LOUD YES
Does the outside system undermined the promises of A.A. to intuitively handle situations? LOUD YES
Is the outside system miss used inside A.A - Take a closer look victims.
What is the outside sponsorship system? I have been in AA for less than a year and have never heard mention of such a thing.
I am not the poster of these messages. I can only explain how I understand the messages he/she is writing.
In today's AA, new members are told to get a sponsor and
work those steps at their first meeting. Instead of turning
my life over to the God of my understanding, I am told to
turn my life over to a sponsor. Some meetings actually
assign a sponsor at a member's first meeting. Really, who
do we think we are? No member of AA is any farther away
from being drunk than one drink. That makes us come together as absolute equals. We need the newcomer as much
as he/she could possibly need us. The true AA message
(go ahead and snicker) reaches the newcomer when we
simply tell her/him what we did (exactly) and exactly
what happened to us. Who are we to tell anyone what
to do? We only share our own experience. We can offer
the 12 suggested steps (they are suggestions). Bill W.
left instructions on practicing the steps. We let God
do His work in His own time. If a new member has difficulty reading, a weekly step meeting where the steps are read will be helpful. Todays concept of sponsorship is so
distorted, I believe the label "sponsor" should be abandoned. But suggest that to today's sponsor, and be
prepared for an intense battle. You are asking him/her
to give up their power. But they are not wholly to blame.
They have been taught this method. Admittedly, this method
works for some. Hundreds of thousands of others don't
return every year because of the demands made of them.
We know what those requirements are: Get a sponsor, 90 in 90, work those steps, and hold hands with us, as we pray for you and all suffering alcoholics in and out of AA.
Maybe the poster of these messages would correct any errors
I have made. I do try to understand them. ANONYMOUS
Quote: "SINCE 1985, I HAVE ATTENDED COUNTLESS MEETINGS IN MANY AREAS - I HAVE NEVER HEARD ANYONE SAY SOMETHING LIKE THIS – NEVER."
IT'S NOT WHO RIGHT
IT'S NOT WHO WRONG
IT'S WHO'S LEFT
Just because some people knows A.A. works and others think it's in the outside sponsorship system is all our faults.
Back in 1986 I was court ordered to attend AA meetings. I was 36 at the time. There was a man in one of the meetings I remember who did the exact same thing. I'm wondering now that perhaps had that not happened, I could have had all these years of sobriety - maybe not but it was scary and deeply disturbing. All that matters is I have a great support group now and 40 days sober living. Thanks for sharing!
I am truly saddened when I read and hear messages like this. When are we going to develop the courage to insist on
group conscience meetings to discuss and do something about
these issues? Much too often I listen to someone share that
they came to a meeting in the 1980's or 1990's and were
turned off and away by strong, loud mouth personalities.
For each one who returns, there are probably hundreds
who never return. There are many things customs, rituals,
in today's AA which turn, push, alcoholics away and out of
the last place they have to go for help. Many of these
mistakes, blunders, changes have been posted numerous
times. I often wonder how many are turned away by our
"hold hands and pray", ring around the rosy, closing. How
many newcomer alcoholics would be turned off if we
simply stood by our chairs and closed in a manner
decided by a fully informed group conscience? I personally
find holding hands with strangers repulsive. Praying ought
to be done at church or on one's own time. Not on my dime.
We should/would/should have eight million members in
Alcoholics Anonymous by this point in time. We had almost
two and a half million members two decades ago. We have
lost half a million members after growing continuously
for 57 years. We continue at almost zero growth today.
We are "spinning our wheels" at two million members,
How much time would these folks have had if they would have quit drinking in the 80's or 90's. Just like typical alky's always looking for someone else to blame! If they were down on their luck and were panhandling for a drink would they stop at the first person who turned them down?? Hell no. But they stopped at their first meeting?
Some folks just aren't ready. I do wish for some changes in AA. The early timers need to speak up more and encourage the traditions but I am getting tired of AA being blamed for all the people who are not getting sober! There are so many other outside possibilities. Just think for a minute of all the things happening out there! Follow the steps, traditions, read the books and pamphlets and be a good edition of the big book and everything will work out! If I can get sober and stay sober anyone can if they take the suggetions the program offers!!
"it works if you (really) work it"?
"you stop when you (really) want it"?
if aa is not to blame, then who/what is? we are told in the literature that our sobriety is due to the gift of grace (something we dont deserve and havent earned). no gift? no grace? just for today ill try not to blame the victim.
"How much time would these folks have had if they would have
quit drinking in the 80' or 90's". About 20 or 30 years. Do
the math. And think about the many others they could have helped. Manny Q.
Exactly what changes do you wish for? Some folks just aren't ready? I would say that most alcoholics come to
their first AA meeting far from being "ready". It is up
to those who are here to help them become ready. We need
to present AA to them in such a favorable manner, that
they want what we have. If we just present a peaceful,
sober happy life, how could any suffering alcoholic not
want that. If I had been presented with a "THAT ONE IS
GOD, MAY YOU FIND HIM NOW, approach I would have thought:
just another religion, let me out of here. If at my first
meeting if I were told to hold hands and pray, this would
have confirmed that AA is a religion. I fully realize that
I am attempting to turn the tide. Convincing the membership
that the tide needs to be turned is the real task. ANONYMOUS
If you attend meetings and haven't found someone that you disagree with/do not like, you have not been to enough meetings. Individuals like this fellow know nothing of sobriety or the program of Alcoholics Anonymous for that matter. Their confusion and general disorder with life is their side of the street. Ignorance is truly bliss for some... I have seen members implode and drink again due to similar situations. They have all the answers and can write their own version of our beloved fellowship. Let them write their own ticket into a drink. I focus on my recovery and how I can help another alcoholic. "This is the greatest show on earth," which I hear at meetings. I believe in this statement and consider AA on of the greatest blessings that a person can receive. Whether or not they truly receive it, is up to interpretation by a Higher Power. May God bless and keep you. Stick around and prove hime wrong! I will be praying for you.
I have heard a few rants at meetings, well, probably more than a few. I think most people at meetings, even relative newcomers, can recognize a self-righteous person for what they are. Sometimes, however, it is probably incumbent upon someone who has been around for a while to bring the sense of the meeting back to AA.
Thank you for the reply. I spent the weekend trying to thoroughly and honestly examine myself – anger, resentment, fear, etc. – to reach beyond and grow. Thinking, praying and letting go. Went to a meeting on Monday evening and shared my feelings/reactions. I freely admit that I wanted validation for my feelings – but not co-signers for any lingering BS. The responses from the members were awesome – personal experiences reflecting solid AA principles.
I appreciate your statement: Sometimes, however, it is probably incumbent upon someone who has been around for a while to bring the sense of the meeting back to AA.
No question, this is what transpired at the Monday meeting. Many of the members had their well-worn Big Books open to highlighted pages – again, awesome.
“Yes,” they said, “It is frustrating/painful to see someone go in and out - or to be that someone. Sometimes, you have to let them go their way – but the message should not waver or stray. Keep coming back and get a thicker skin.” Translation: Dump the inflated ego, wounded pride and chip on your shoulder. They had been there and worked it through by applying the principles of the program. I plan to stick around – whatever is ahead, smooth or rough, sobriety is worth the journey.
- Ice Queen
I have been in aa for 6 yrs I everything going for me but ian still drinking need advice still can not come to terms with my drinking
Thanks for your honesty. Some folks will suggest you "pull yourself together" or "set your mind" or "really try." I won't say those things, because I tried them all and they failed. I'm an alcoholic. MY efforts at getting me sober and keeping me sober didn't work. I was completely baffled.
Then I met someone in AA who suggested I take the steps with a sponsor. (I know, I know -- how will that help me if I keep drinking?). But then it was also pointed out to me that it doesn't say anywhere I have to stop drinking before taking the steps. Actually, an honest First Step allows me to step into the truth that I CAN'T stop drinking on my own. Continuing to drink even when I desperately want to stop was actually a part of taking that first step. I finally saw it. I can't stop myself from picking up that first drink -- I have a twisted mind that keeps bringing me back.
Some folks will tell you to "think it through." My sponsor helped me see that for an alcoholic like me, such attempts to stay sober by "mind power" are doomed to failure.
I was told it didn't matter what I believed in, as long as I was willing to consider there might be power greater than me. After seeing my powerlessness, and also seeing that other people JUST LIKE ME were staying sober, I had to admit there was something going on I might need to tap into.
Some folks will tell you to get sober a while before taking the Steps. To me, that sounds like waiting until I stop starving before I'll eat. If I am to survive this fatal illness, I need to have a spiritual awakening. The Steps made that possible. A sponsor helped me take them.
Don't ask just anyone -- ask someone who has actually TAKEN the steps. Written an inventory. Made their amends. Active in helping others. They're easy to spot in AA meetings -- they're the ones happy and at peace.
I hope this help, Mike. I hope you'll take the actions that have been saving alcoholics for over 75 years. Reading books and attending meetings are not the solution. You might want to stop fighting this thing -- it's a killer, and it's bigger and stronger than us. Put your efforts into taking the Steps, reaching for a higher power -- and let that higher power take care of the drinking problem.
Your life might depend on it.
I'm struggling myself and I'm so thankful that there are no time limits on "Keep Coming Back".
Recovery, like hope and faith seem only to work if you believe in them.
mike, I'm here to tell you that you can quit. I had the hardest time making myself quit but I was successful finally just a couple of months ago. I had to make myself see myself as successful. I was really afraid that I wasn't going to be able to quit. My habit had grown basically into a monster habit, but I don't have it now and tha's a good thing.
I went to meetings and was almost jealous of all the people who had quit and I couldn't, but I promise Mike you can quit you just have to set your plan to do it, get your mind set on it, put your plan into action and you will be successful.
I had to face my fear and decide what day to quit (about a week or so ahead, to prepare myslf) and the night before I made sure to throw out all the empty bottles and the next day I just quit. I couldn't believe that I didn't have withdrawals, I had been drinking alot daily for several years, I was very, very lucky. It had to have been God that helped me, but it is done and I am free from it. It's been over 2 months now and I am so glad to actually be sober. Just think of it as any other goal and prepare yourself mentally to achieve it, the sooner the better, 'cause its one less thing to have to worry you.
I'm glad that you have alot of things going for you and I know you don't want to see alcohol mess anything up for you. Just think, without drinking you'll have more money to spend on other things.
I am so thankful to have the support that I've found from AA meetings and members. The understanding and compassion and encouragement are a Godsend for me.
I hope that this is helpful, I don't mean to over-simplify such a gripping addiction as drinking, I really don't, but it is do-able you've just got to hit it straight on with all you've got and put your mind on something else that will bring you happiness and not worry.
I can hardly believe how long I procrastinated about quitting, but that's okay, at least I finally got it together.
Take care, Mike.
Your distant "AA cousin" , Alicia.
If you don't have a sponsor find one at your next meeting - and go to one today! And get down on your knees and pray Thy Will Be Done Not Mine. Remember it's One Day at a Time. Yesterday's history Tomorrow's a mystery. Take care
In AA for 6 years?? Or Around AA for 6years??
You say you got everything going for you....but still drinking...I guess if your anything like me..give it a little more time and all the "everythings" will be gone...It's a matter of time....slowly but surely it will all be gone..Then you will wonder what the heck happened...
Get yourself to a meeting and share with the group what's going on in your life....if you don't have a sponsor...Get One !!!!! And use him?
Might try to ask your Higher Power for HELP......No big laundry list of thing you want.....Just ask for Help.....
The answer will come from another Alcoholic....
Your in my prayers....
physical sobriey is one thing.. and by the way it is a HUGE thing - when I relapsed it took me two years to get back time.. I was lucky.. once I had physical sobriety the real work begins... one day at a time... practicing these principles in all my affairs... doing the suggestions, service, etc. one day at a time
Not sure what "coming to terms with your drinking" means, but if you are having consequences from drinking and cannot stop, then you need help. The only thing that worked for me was coming to AA and following the simple advice not to drink today, get to a meeting to help make it through today, wake up tomorrow and follow the same advice. If I needed more than one meeting to get through a day early on, then I went to more than one, because I desperately wanted to not drink. Today I still go to daily meetings, in part because even though the nearly overwhelming desire for a drink does not occur too often, the daily meetings insure that I have within the last 24 hours been reminded that I am an alcoholic and that a drink would not be a good idea for me, so the thought of a drink will pass. Others I know rely heavily on a sponsor for the reminder, for the attitude checks, for the encouragement.
People like you are the backbone of AA. The sincere desire to help others coming from someone who understands what its like to feel desperate in the need to quit drinking. Thats the way I felt, I was like a trapped animal. I'm so glad to be free, I want to tell everybody.
Your reply to Mike encouraged me. Its really great to see people help each other.
I love the people that I've met in AA, even though I haven't gotten to know anyone very well yet, the spirit to help is truly beautiful.
i couldn`t imagine living today boucing in and out the rooms for 20 some years. Only with a brief of recovery i substain through trial and error, mostly error
"Meetings don't work for everyone" ??????
Why bother getting sober with that attitude! The meetings are not about me. They are about us. It is a we program.
Just keep coming back, it gets better
It should be obvious to any observer that AA meetings don't work
for every alcoholic. My question is why any alcoholic could
find us not attractive. Could it be the demands we make to
newcomers? 90 in 90, Get a sponsor, work these steps, listen to us chant louder and louder, and hold hands with
us as we pray. You better find God and find Him now! The basic AA method is to tell others what we did instead of what they must do. A simple program, yes
but how many of us understand it or follow it. AA is never
going to work for every alcoholic, but out of 30 million
alcoholics in the US, surely we can do better than 2 million. We had 2 million members in Alcoholics Anonymous two decades ago. ANONYMOUS
I love AA, it has saved my life! The only problem I have with AA is that some members gravitate toward the clique attitude and forget that we need to highlight principals over personalities in all of our affairs. I have seen where this has made others uncomfortable, including myself.
Why of course it is. That is why some folks I know tend to go to different groups, different meetings, keep mixing it up to avoid that, and always try to remain approachable by one and all. This of course runs contrary to the "suggestion" of getting a home group, but of course that is only a suggestion.
The program of AA is not cliquish, but the people might behave like it where you live. The suggestion above is the way
to steer clear of that behavior. We only get out of it what we put into it. No one ever promised any of us a rose garden.
Sobriety is a gift and if we don't appreciate it, we will surely loose it.
AA is not cliquish, but the outside sponsorship system is !!!
my name is Sam and I am an alcoholic. I have a lady friend in another program who I really love but everytime I get to appreciating her I feel like I'm going to drink. So I tried not talking to her and then she relapsed in that other program. I feel like it's my fault she relapsed because she temporarily lost my support when I wasn't talking to her. Everytime I romantically appreciate someone I become consumed with the feeling I'm going to go drink alcohol. I'm in another program for romantic addictions but I feel like I'm going crazy with so many programs. I feel I cannot turn my back on people who reach out to me for help. I feel I cannot exclude people but I feel so scared about drinking and I don't know what the solution is for this problem. I have been struggling with it for some time.
Sam it's not the drinking part that's bad - it's the living after part - Learn and live you know where A.A. is - May God be with you. P.S try a Big Book even online