Burning Desire to Share
A wise man asked me one time if a person cuts you off in traific does that piss you off, and does that make you mad? I responded by saying yes. He said that he disagrees with me and the reason why is because everyone has and makes the choice of being mad, that person that cut you off did not make you mad you choose to be made. It makes me step back when I think or say that someone made me mad and think about what he had told me and some how it makes me step back and clam down. Just like the choice to drink step back and ask your self if that's what you really want to do, remember it is a choice. Say a pray when that pops up and I believe that will help you. I will pray for you and your sobriety.
drinking will never help it will only make is worse. you have to feel good about your self before it starts getting better. I went through a divorce and thought it was the end of my world but in reality it was a new begin for me. You will find that friend and family are life savers don't shut them out they can be great help they were for me. The pain will go away and you will see the sunshine again brighter than before. I will say a prayer for you.
We really aren't capable of relations with others of any substance for som time. It is recommended that we not date for a minimum of 1 year after entering into the program. We don't have anything to offer another until at least then and we owe it to our selves and others not to spread sickness.
Love how people speak their own reality as their small God is their sponsor.
I also am 47 and know I cannot drink, but find it not as seemingly easy as many others. I will certainly pray for you too! Try to get to as many meetings as you can. HALT is such a true acronym. Because, when I get hungry,angry,lonely, tired or all of them...that's when I am weakest.
Youre right. These things will sabotage our efforts if we don't take care of them.
I remember when I thought the same thing you did! I didn't understand how others could function in life with putting alcohol in their body. I didn't know I was going to function without putting alcohol in MY body.
My Higher Power (HP) does miracles. When I FINALLY surrendered to this program of Alcoholics Anonymous, started with a sponsor and taking the steps and going to meetings. I became willing to take suggestions. My outlook on life changed. I just celebrated 6 months of sobriety. That is a miracle.
Depression and Alcoholism go hand in hand. Abstain from alcohol, go to meetings daily, find a sponsor.
Hello, I am 4 days sober and just beginning to feel any better. I am a chronic relapser and am once again embarrassed to go back. I know I will eventually but know sooner is better than later. You know? I don't know if I have a question or not other than how do I make myself go. I'm depressed and want to just stay in bed and hide.
Keep coming back,It works if you work it.I hear this at every meeting I go to and believe it.I have 57 days sober and the best advice I can give you is never give up,keep trying,keep going to meetings.
This is a free world. I believe that everybody should have a chance to join this fellowship. We are a nonprofit organization. Don't let people push you around okay.
This whole program is an ego shattering program. The thing that keeps you from going to a meeting is the thing that is causing all your problems most likely. You're drinking beats your ego down enough to make you wanna go to a meeting but not enough to make you go. You must start learning how big a role your ego plays in your life and start applying some humility.
I agree that my ego and lack of humility are causing
my failure. How do I reduce my own ego? How do I start
applying humility.? Please be as specific as possible.
In all sincerity, Rose
You will find humility by working Step One (the first 51 pages of the program of recovery in the Big Book of AA- from the Dr's Opinion thru page 43- preferably with a sponsor or other recovered person in the program). Together with the sponsor and your "openmindedness" you will apply that first step's information to look at "your own lack of control" over booze phycically and mentally. You will see how in your experience you could "not control" the amount you drank nor could you stay stopped! You will see (and hopefully surrender to) the "hopelessness" (failure) of continuing to try and exert your own "control" (EGO). Thus HUMILITY! Once humble, then you may begin to experience some level of "willingness" to try a new way out in AA. You will be on your way to recovery, even with a "little willingness", by continuing through this very simple (but not emotionally easy) program of recovery. Dennis S
You cant reduce your own ego. the 12 steps are ego deflating.the only way i know to reduce my ego is the conti
nual effort to practice aa's steps. The reason i have to continually practice the steps is my ego comes back over time, so i continue to reduce it by working the steps.
It is perfect time to make a few plans for the longer term and it is time to be happy. I've learn this post and if I could I want to suggest you few interesting things or advice. Perhaps you could write next articles referring to this article. I desire to read more issues about it!
I had 18 teen yrs. @ last night I drank 2 an half wine coolers, my girlfriend said I didn"t get drunk. So she said I still have 18 teen yrs. I know I don"t. But I have to tell someone else...
I wondered about this too. Last night a person at the meeting who had been sober for 5 years just celebrated her 30 days. She relapsed and restarting the counter, to me, seems to be about total honesty. Who are we fooling by not resetting the sobriety clock. Ourselves!
KEEP COMING BACK
mythoughts been there same 2.5 wine coolers and gf. i just never felt right at meetings when i talk untell i did be real and pick up that other 24hr coin feel better now
I told someone else, now I have a day @ week.
Well this is my first time coming to this site and i've been sober for 6 months now and i'm 24 years old. alot of people i talk to in meetings say im fortunate for being there. in a way i didn't see that at first but now that i have kept going back i see why i'm so fortunate. i haven't been court ordered or hospitalized i just came in on my own so yeah.
I was 24 at my first meeting and when I had my last drink I was 27. I was the youngest in our group and in three weeks I will retire. AA has given me a life and I have run with it and enjoyed it to the fullest. NOw to a new phase of this sober life. I look forward to it because I am sober.
that is awesome, i wish i would have never stopped coming when i was ur age. some ppl just take a little more time than others. i have embraced this program with all my soul this time around. i have been sober for 13 months and counting. i am gratefull for all my friends in a.a., and what they have done for me spiritually. keep up the good work and this program is not only about staying sober, it is about life lessons and getting along with ur fellow man. it should be taught in our schools. never stop believing.
if i had stayed in the program at 24 i might have stayed in college, i might have spared my children 4 abusive step fathers, i might own a house and a car, i might even be happy instead of crying right now and have a 401k and lifelong friends. but i kept going out and back and out and back until i lost my friends and standing in the community, lost all my material possessions and the respect of my children with each failed marriage and never could get that college degree even though i went thousands of dollars in debt for student loans and couldn't keep my career going so i spent the last few years with no insurance and now face a mountain of doctor bills because the insurance i have now says my cancer was preexisting and i didn't have continuous coverage. with 2 dui's under my belt, driving and getting back on my feet after this last relapse is harder than ever and i'd give anything to take back the last 15 years of my life. so yeah, you are fortunate to have the good sense and Divine Providence to be in meetings at 24. i pray you keep coming back.
I had my last drink at age 27, and have remained
sober (maybe sometimes dry). I am convinced that dry is better than wet. I have stayed close to AA for over four
decades and am now 70. A sober life is possible. When I came in, the elders said "hang around with us and we will
all stay sober together". Most of them have passed on,
and to my knowledge all died sober. As the years go by,
please don't limit yourself to just the Big Book and the
12 & 12. Alcoholics Anonymous Comes of Age, Language of
the Heart offer vital information. Also Pass it On,
Dr. Bob and the Good Oldtimers and as Bill Sees It.
Try to own and read all these books by the age of
35. And at the same time we tell you to live one day
at a time. Many paradoxes appear in AA. Share your
experience with others; there are multitudes. Don't
become pious or preachey. I still find those people
boring. Just tell them EXACTLY what happened to you,
and end it there. Do NOT say "well if you want what
I have, you will have to do what I did," or worse "do
what I say. Let the Big Book tell them what to do.
And even the Big Book is meant to be suggestive only,
at least that is what Bill tells us on page 164.
Welcome to I-SAY. This is a wonderful world wide
group conscience meeting where everyone gets an
equal say. Welcome to a new sober life in Alcoholics
Anonymous. For me it has been a life beyond my
wildest dreams. I always remember the movie with Nicholas
Cage and that beautiful blond actress. "It can happen to you." ANONYMOUS
I am dealing with an AA member who has 28 years sober and is the husband of my sponsor. I have been clean 18 months this time around and am 45 years old. In the beginning this person helped me alot and I respected him very much. However, over the past 3 months or so he has started "preaching" in meetings, acting like nobody is doing anything right unless they are doing it he way he is doing things. His tone of voice makes you feel like you are an idiot and should know all these things. I take notes in meetings - no names at all - just feelings and thoughts on the topic. He has openly criticized people who take notes in meeting and embarrassed me. He does no wrong according to him but has discouraged lots of people in meetings. I even stopped going for a month because I was so angry after coming out of a meeting with him. I swore that this time around I would not let anybody run me out of a meeting. Whats up with him? My sponsor knows my feelings but it is her husband - what can she do?
Bleeding Deacons are only a problem if you let them be. The fundamental spiritual axiom I need to apply in my life is: "Whenever I am disturbed, there is something wrong with ME." Why does this person/event upset me so? Even the longest-sober of us occasionally have a bad day, or a bad spell, and patience, tolerance, kindness, and love are our code. I try to do the right thing in meetings and set the example: speak directly from my experience, or quote VERBATIM from our literature (NO paraphrases). If I believe there are violations of one of our 12 traditions, or of my group conscience, then I talk with the person lovingly but candidly after the meeting, unless the violations are so egregious as to need addressing immediately, in the meeting, and that would be cases where there is a direct threat to good order, or to the safety or sobriety of myself or other group members. Consider whether starting another group would harm your group before you do it; unity is an important legacy of our fellowship. And please consider the old saw: "If you're unhappy with your group, fix it or fix YOU. Don't run here and mess up mine."
If you live in an area with several meetings per week, I suggest you visit them. you might find a meeting that better suits you. If you don't, start your own. It's that simple.
That is how aa spreads. you only need two or three to start a group. Just study and apply the 12 steps and 12 traditions and it will eventually take. The pamphlet the AA group helps alot also.
I also have to remmeber that anytime I am disturbed, that there is something wrong with ME, regardless of the circumstances.
Good luck and God bless you
It is easier to run away than to stand up and speak out
about things that we feel are wrong. When I hear that members are pushing others away by this "Holier than thou"
attitude it disturbes me. Does that mean there is something
wrong with me for feeling disturbed if traditions are
being violated. I don't think so.
I just said it is easier to just be quiet and walk
away, perhaps starting a new meeting. But recently I
have found that it bothers me more if I say nothing
when I see something as an injustice. What happens if
a new or newer member attends that meeting and is
repulsed by the same thing that is driving you away.
If you see something, say something. Stand up and
speak out loudly and clearly. If you find out that
you are totally wrong (it never happens to me)(smile) you
can learn a little more humility. Manny Q.
I sometimes jot down notes at the meeting, as I have
trouble remembering something I want to share on. I write on my coffee cup which is thrown away at the end of the
meeting. Some members are uncomfortable with others
taking notes. Sometimes a "gem" will be repeated and
spread around, attributing to a certain person. I don't
believe any one member ought to be singled out.
At a recent meeting the speaker gave a good talk
about misery and recovery. Before he closed, he repeated
a "slogan" he thought was appropriate. The slogan was
as follows: "The suggestions are free, You only pay
for the ones you don't take". After it was repeated
a half dozen times, I spoke up objecting to the
"slogan". I was attacked verbally for objecting.
The following day, at an "As Bill Sees It" meeting
we read a message from Bill W.' Page 199. Bill explains
how harmful this pious and preachy attitude can be.
The member who attacked me was there and shared that now he understood. Another member shared that he now understood
why reading How It Works aloud at meetings can be so
harmful to newcomers. "What an order!. Let me out of
here". The "do it as I suggest, or else pay the price" attitude does not benefit anyone, newcomer or early
timer. We are all here only by the grace of God. I
suppose that could be considered just my own personal
opinion. I try to listen to everything members have to
say. My listening helps them as it helps me. Some
members just need more help than others. Some are
sicker than others, used to be sometimes heard.
If this "husband" is taking up more than his
share of the time, maybe it could be addressed at
the next group conscience meeting. The group, not
his wife, ought to address the issue. ANONYMOUS
well im not doing really any reading out of the big book really cause im not much of a reader. I just go to the meetings and listen and it has help me out alot and i have read a lil bit out of the big book if its suggested by another aa member. but i am working the steps though. right now im working on also getting a new sponsor and starting the 4th step so yeah
Counting the days, each day.....some easier than others.Some hours are harder than others, but am still getting through without calling anyone. Bad....huh?? Sure I have a sponsor but either she works or I work or we poop out at night & don't talk or...we've been in & out of town. Oh sure I have my phone lists, but deep down I really really miss having a close girlfriend, my drinking girlfriends. Life is so.o.o busy that the thought at age 55 startng a NEW sober girlfriend relationship takes work, I think, but I guess I should work on it. Right God??
Yes I go to meetings, but I don't know......sometimes I feel like it's all "fake happy". Oh well..I'll keep trying....& am even looking forward somewhat to the FL AA event in Palm Harbor, but why...am going all alone, but then again I like my "space" & will meet people & have fun. I may look for a roomie, afterall I have a suite, but I want to takes some other courses online while there too that I need to take & don't feel like being social in the suite. Bad huh?? I also need to get back to exercise. Maybe I'll do that at Palm Harbor if not before...since I've gained 15-20 lbs since 8 mths ago. NOT good, I know, & should read the BB more, I know. I get depressed a bit, too, when I hear a friend from Haz. rehab has relapsed...several have actually already. Scary......but I pray for them to stay sober. I think the thought of knowing I spent $17,000 for my 1st (& only..that's being positive..LOL) rehab....scares me to stay sober too....don't have that kind of $$ to go back. Is really hard though sometimes. PS: My lucky 16 yr old just called from St. Thomas off a cruise. Hadn't heard from him in days till now. AAaahhh that's why I'm sober. I love my kids more than anything & want to see them grown old & vice versa. Thanks for listening...time to get out & walk my rescue crazed dog. She loves me so much too like my kids.PS: Have been separated for years.....counting the days to one year to see what comes of my strange relationship w/my kids Dad.I'm his 3rd wife, he's 14 1/2 yrs older & my 1st marriage & ONLY marriage, so I thought when walking down the aisle, but sure is TOUGH. He's very proud of my sobriety but....just isn't there for me really.Oh well..one day at a time!
Sounds like you have a lot going on in your life and maybe trying to do too much at once? Just a suggestion. I know I am 18-months sober and in the first year i tried to make up for EVERYTHING I didn't do while using. I have a problem with that 2-ton phone also. But, after making some calls a few times, its not so bad now. I highly recommend using that phone list. You will not find any better friends than in AA. You want a best friend - you're in the right place. I have more friends than ever - ones that don't ask for anything in return and will go completely out of their way to do anything for me. Hang in there. It gets better.
When I was 8 months sober I was lucky enough not to have a car...lucky, because I was forced to call that phone list to get to meetings. Lucky because I had a meeting in the car on the way, and had a meeting in the car on the way back. I, too, didn't think I really needed the "WE" part of the program and if I did I didn't really trust anyone anyway. I gained lots of weight, too. I was 120 lbs when I came into the program and now weigh a whole lot more. Granted, I am 22 years old then I was then.
Is it "bad" to not call your sponsor, to isolate? No. Nothing is "bad" as long as we stay sober. The ability to trust has likely been removed from you via years of hurt, but the worst thing about trust for me when I came in, and still sometimes after all these years, is that I don't trust myself. I remember being afraid to get a sponsor because I was finally convinced that I was crazy, and I thought I would pick someone as crazy as me. Which I did. But then I asked someone else, who had two years of sobriety, and worked the same schedule as me. After picking up at least 6 white chips I was willing to do anything to stay sober, so I called her. I read the Big Book, went to a TON of meetings, and prayed my a** off. Gradually, I learned to trust enough, myself and others, to become a part of.
Today, I still struggle with my tendency to isolate, but I am now completely convinced that the core of the program is the WE, the first word of the first step, and I have joined a home group that I am very involved in, I have a sponsor who I meet with and speak to often, and I have friends who I call. I go to the same meetings every week and I am letting myself be known. I had a lot of shame, deep shame, that kept me from the fellowship of others in AA, and I know believe that the only way to remove that shame is in the company of my fellows.
Hang in there. Go to meetings. Talk to people, even if you don't trust them. You may find that trust comes in time. My life today is far beyond what I thought I could ever have when I got sober. I have faced fear and found it to be a big Boogie Man. The promises have come true in my life. They can come true in yours as well, if only you work for them.
Love to you.
Hi, Sounds to me like your 8 months sober :) It takes time dear. Everything seems to be piling up sometimes when your that newly sober. At that point I can remember thinking that s-o-b-e-r- stood for son of a biscuit everything is real.
For me I had to learn to be patient with myself and not try to put my whole life in order overnight. It had taken me years to get this deep into the proverbial forest and would take years to get back out again. Just because I was pointed in the right direction didn't mean I didn't have a lot more work so might as well focus on the journey and what I do have and what I am doing right rather than what all I have left to do to get my life where I want it. God has a way of making beautiful things of my past mistakes when I'm trying to live His way.
Beating yourself up won't work so please stop doing that. Just pray for help to do what is necessary. The thing is none of us can do it without help. Keep reaching out! May peace be yours.
i remember waiting for coins,but that is not wot this program is all about. it is just a lil incentive. when u start touching that inner spirituality, and it will happen, trust me. u will know when it does,and it is not fake. my family is so behind me and proud of my achievements in this program and the new outlook on life that i have, y would one want to go back to the old alcoholic path that i took for over 40 yrs. i love my new life and would not trade it for any amount of personal belongings.keep positive read ur books daily and let ur mind be free of the alcoholic thoughts, learn humility and ask god to remove all shortcomings. good luck to u and never stop believing in our quest for sobriety.
Many of my drinking friends just thought I left to go to the bathroom, never missed me at all. Some friends. Other close friends have remained so.
Why not stop saying "I know", and do?
Thanks for taking the time to discuss this, I feel strongly about it and love learning more on this topic. If possible, as you gain expertise, would you mind updating your blog with more information? It is extremely helpful for me.
I came into the program in 2005. I have gratefully had a wonderful life in AA. I have experienced serenity, so much joy and fellowship. I have had a wonderful spiritual experience. I even lost two family members and continued to work the program and be grateful. Recently my mother died. I am almost 60 years old. I am feeling so empty and alone. I pray and nothing is helpful. I unexpectedly feel like everything is over. I even knew she was going to die 18 months ahead and did everything to have no regrets and to be a loving daughter to her. What is happening?
I, too, lost my mother after being sober for 23 years. I never wanted a drunk so badly in my entire life! I held on, one "ten minute" at a time, feeling spiritually bankrupt. The Big Book says that no "human" power can relieve us from our alcoholism, and that "God could and would, if He were sought." Yet, at this time, I felt so far from my H.P. That distance put be far from my H.P. and closer to taking that drink. Fortunately, someone with a great deal of time in the program pointed out that I was grieving, and it will pass. I did a lot of writing and grieving work. I made it through, but it was not easy. Many things in my sobriety are NOT easy. It doesn't include "Easy" as one of the Promises in the Big Book. Treat yourself with kit gloves.
Hi, I'm sorry for your loss. please consider grief counseling. Dealing with loss is a process.there are many groups out there.
It sounds like normal grieving. You not only lost your
mom, if you were helping to care for her, you may have
lost your main purpose in life. Make your best effort to
continue going to meetings on a regular basis and
maybe try some new meetings. Share with others how you
feel. It will get better, and it will take time. Others
have probably said that to you. Try to find someone else
you can help, maybe a new person who is struggling. These
are difficult times, and a lot of us struggle. But liquor
is not the answer. It may have worked at one time, but
that time is past. But we have an adequate substitute:
Alcoholics Anonymous. and the Power that I find there. I
am sure you will feel better in time. We have a lot of
work yet to do. One foot in front of the other. And
consider the slogans, except the Think, Think, Think one.
I sometimes overdo that one. Just hold on. ANONYMOUS
I first found myself in the rooms in Jan 2009. It was great I felt I had found what was missing. Which was my spirituality. As time passed I started going to less and less meetings and started falling away from my higher power when my life got better. About a month ago i relapsed and got drunk, started a fight with my wife and earned a dwi. Of course now all of the self loathing and shame has returned. I feel further away from my higher power than ever its like I just lost the connection. I started over with step one and feel that i've made it back to step three. I have been making meetings, but i still feel beaten. Has anyone had a similar experience? Or any advice that would be helpful. Is it harder to find once you've lost it or did I ever really have it?
I have experienced the "lost connection" that you speak about. I've heard people say that your higher power never leaves you and is always there with open arms just waiting for your return. The story we build up in our own heads fills us with fear that our connection is lost forever or it will never be as strong as it once was. My experience has been that the shame I put on myself showed up as a black cloud blocking a strong connection. As I set out once again to work my program the cloud slowly began to clear and I could feel the power of my higher power start to shine through. Then the miracle happened and the connection was back stronger than ever!! I was so grateful to once again have that relationship back. My life was empty without it and I ask my higher power in prayer to never allow me to break the connection again. Without it I am lost.
I got a DWI also and it was the best thing that ever happened to me, it got me to put AA first in my life.I got picked up for meetings by older members and I started sharing about myself, now I get regular meetings share from the heart.By sharing at regular meetings im getting recovery for myself, helping others and showing love to others in the fellowship, by showing love in the fellowship it helps me to show love in my home also. Recovery guaranteed
What is it you think you had and now lost or lost an now have?
All anyone has is a day at a time right here right now don't lose that too !!!!!!!
You didn't "lose" your sober time. You've just had an interruption. Of course you're feeling beaten. Alcohol has beaten you. Now you have to beat it by getting a sponsor, working the steps and going to a lot of meetings. I've relapsed many times but I now have 22 years of sobriety. Bill W. said (As Bill Sees It) not to worry too much about your slip. It may kick you upstairs rather than downstairs. Forgive yourself (God already has)and move forward being gentle with yourself and trusting God. Oh, and share in meetings what you're feeling.
Thanks. needed that too. 4 days....again.
Greatly appreciated, good to hear some real sobriety.
I have had some experience with this as I find myself in a similar situation. I think you need to find someone where you are located to reach out to and to talk about how you are feeling. I understand how much is hurts to ask for help but when you need it you just have to do it. Also yes it gets harder every time you go back out. I think you have it you just need to use a bit more action. We have to want to quit and then we have to work to stay that way! Just keep going to meetings and talking to your higher power he is there always, remember he has never left you. We make it hard for him to reach us sometimes. I wish you all the best and I know you can do this don't give up.