Burning Desire to Share

2030 replies [Last post]
Anonymous
Dry Drunk

I have been sober for 23 years this last november. However, About two years ago now the disease of aloholism destroyed my life. I was one of those alcoholics that decided I was cured after so many years sober. I discovered how rhampant the disease is, and how it picks up right where it left off. I didnt lose my family, my marriage, or my job when I hit my bottom in 1988 but I sure the hell lost it all when I hit bottom in November 2010. It was there alive and strong waiting for me. I did not pick up that first drink, but I so wanted to, I wanted to die, but slowly, after returning to AA, I went to 120 mtgs in 90 days, I got a sponser, and I started working the steps. I recently went back to work, in a job that pays 1/4 of what I was making, I live in a one bedroom apartment, and have my 4 year old, 3-4 days a week. I have found my way back to the spiritual side,and learned I am never alone, HP, is always with me, and I attend at least three to four meetings a week, and do service.
Thank god i did not take that first drink, but for those of you out there who come to think awwww its been so long its ok, Think agian.....self centeredness, anger and resentments distroyed my life as I knew it and fed the alcoholism.

Anonymous
RE: Dry Drunk

I heard a guy say once, "if you stop feeding the habit the craving will go away". I believe there are two ways to feed this illness of alcoholism. 1) physically, (by taking a drink) and 2) mentally, ( by obsessing about things like alcohol, resentments, anger, fear, insecurity, finance, friends, sex and so on).
This illness has more than one way to kill us. The alcoholic who still suffers isn't always the new guy who stumbles in off the street, it can be the one with 1, 2, 5, 15, 20, 35 years! I really appreciated your sharing and thank God you made it back! This thing can work for you again as it has before!

Ray C.

Anonymous
Step 4: Moral Inventory

Tonight my husband was watching The Lion King and it brought back some memories for me about the fourth step. Sometimes we get inspired while watching movies and they have some type of meaning behind them. Well, for me this movie brought back the hint about facing my past and doing something about it.

I actually did my fourth step inventory back in December of last year, but I wasn't expecting to feel the emotional benefits from it until recently. For so many years, I had run away from my problem or blamed others for my faults.

I felt like little Simba at the beginning of the movie lost and confused due to being in foster care for so many years. Banished from my own home! Or so I thought. Towards the end of the movie, Simba realizes that he must decide what course of action he is going to take for the future and for his pride. Once I accepted this stark fact tonight it hit me like a bomerang. I felt just like that.

So its not surprising to me that whether from a movie such as this or sharing with another alcoholic, I find such inspiration and courage to live life free by remembering to take responsibility for my recovery. Hope this helps.

Patty B

Anonymous
self-examination

I really enjoyed your post. I too have just recently found this forum. I think it's a great opportunity for 12th step work. I can see from your post that you also practice self-examination as desctribed in step 4. I am still amazed how much I learn and grow by practiceing self-examination, meditaion, and prayer as laid out in pgs 84-88 in the BB.
Instead of living each day as I did the last, this program has given my specific directions on how to consistantly grow.
Thanks again for your post,
CU

Anonymous
Staying Sober

We relaspe when we take our eyes off GOD and the tool he gave us to stay sober

Anonymous
RE: Staying Sober

Glad you said that " We relapse when we take our eyes off GOD and the tool he gave us to stay sober " I love A.A for allowing me to make my God what ever I want that's the only reason why i now have a sponsor.

Anonymous
Staying Sober

We relapse when we take that next first alcoholic drink. I
don't believe many of us are always spiritually fit. I have
heard AA members say "I may as well have been drunk". That
is simply not true. I am convinced that dry is better than wet. AA is described as a spiritual fellowship. I understand spiritual things to be honesty, purity, unselfishness and love. We strive for progress in these
things, head for perfection, and some of us hurry. Rose

Anonymous
Re: Rose's Staying Sober Post

Wow, Rose - that was an excellent post - I really enjoyed that. Wonderfully written, thanks...

Anonymous
staying sober

staying sober is not easy. There are days when I would like to go out drinking. I have 9 years soberiety.

Anonymous
Stressed out

I have days like that myself. I have three month sober. I wish that i could say that i'm loving it, but to be truthful, i'm not. I feel damned if i do and damned if i don't. And today has been one of those days, i just feel like getting drunk.

Anonymous
RE: staying sober

For a real alcoholic drinking is not easy !!!!!

Anonymous
Not Easy

Not easy and not cheap! Manny Q.

Anonymous
RE: Staying Sober

Please say what you do on those days that you want to go out drinking.
Something must be working for you even if it isn't easy as you do have 9 years.

Ray C.

AD010416
Offline
Joined: 2012-01-18
Re: Staying Sober

Ray asks, "Please say what you do on those days that you want to go out drinking.
Something must be working for you even if it isn't easy as you do have 9 years."
Speaking only for myself, it's definitely not easy, but simple.
In October, 1971, with 31/2 months 'sober' (read dry) I found myself a Loner with no AA contact except long distance telephone (no cell phones or computers back then). I was told that if I used my Big Book and a Higher Power I'd be all right. Notice, it was suggested I use the Big Book, not read it or study it. I didn't take long to get to Chapter 5, where the actual recover program is laid out and I began working on the Steps.
There are two chapters on page 86 which tell me what to do every morning and every night.
I've been following those two suggestions on a fairly regular basis ever since and can say with all honesty that I can count on one hand the number of times I've had a craving for a drink. Do I ever think of drinking? Most certainly! But page 85 tells me that if I stay in fit spiritual condition I ".... will react sanely and normally."
I will never be cured of this illness, but now the only people who know I'm an alcoholic are the ones I tell.

Anonymous
31/2

I assume you mean 3 1/2 months sober. What a message!
You HAVE been sober all this time. What a testimony for
the power of Alcoholics Anonymous and the Big Book! So
you are sober over four decades.
I love that last sentence: "I will never be cured of this illness, but now the only people who know I'm an alcoholic are the ones I tell." ANONYMOUS

Anonymous
Nice Post, Rose

I really enjoyed what you had to say on this, Rose - excellent share!

Anonymous
Going in a big circle

21 years ago I realized I had a drinking problem after going to a 28 program { intervention} I started drinking again. Strange they said I had a 90% chance of success!
2 weeks. After 4 months I decided I wanted to quit. Entered another 28 day program after 3 weeks signout of unit against doctor advice. I felt I recieved all I neede from them. Gave me a 5% chance to stay sober. Stayed sober for 10 years with no slips.10 years ago went to Paris and wanted to have wine with meals, well here I am 10 years later and drinking every afternoon again { 6 beers instead of 2 pints of whiskey in 2 hours like before. Anyway plan on attending a meeting today but concerned. With my sobriety last time when I attended meetings it only gave me the desire to drink after hearing the stories of others, so stopped going and kept my sobriety. I know this makes no sense but that's how it was. So not sure if I should go to the meetings or just try and do it on my own like before.
I know it was only because of God helping me that I stopped last time. Just confused and not sure how to approach this.
Anyone had my experience and if so any insight. Thanks alot. Rick Calif.

Anonymous
I lasted 7 months and started

I lasted 7 months and started again

Solutions
Offline
Joined: 2011-06-07
Hope fot tomorrow

I hated it when my Mother would say " If at first you don't succeed try, try again".
Try again, you may not be at your bottom even yet. Step 1 may not ring true to you yet.
In your infanicy in AA It's not about 7 days or 7 months or 7 years it's about one day at a time and the hope for tomorrow.
Hope is the priceless ingredient for recovery.
This, AA gives, most frequently not in mere words.
Upon the alcoholic's first contact with AA, as he looks around the room
and sees men and women respectively clothed and in their right minds,
enjoying themselves, that flicker of hope begins to burn.
And he says to himself, "If these jokers can do it, I can."
The first need, beyond any other, is hope. Without it, there is nothing.
- Experience, Strength and Hope [Vol. 1], pp. 156-157
Thought to Ponder . . .
If I don't drink today, I have the hope of a tomorrow.'

Anonymous
Hope of a tomorrow

I believe that Alcoholics Anonymous was/is a gift from God
to the alcoholic sufferer and the families and friends of
the alcoholic. But unlike a usual gift, this is one that
we have to ask for. And we may have to ask more than once.
I fought liquor for years and must have asked for help
at least a dozen times. Sometimes I asked; sometimes I
begged. I might get a little relief but I always found
myself drinking again. I finally just gave up, accepting
that I was destined to live the miserable short life of
the alcoholic. But it did not turn out that way. Hope
was born when a co-worker took me to an A.A. meeting. I
woke up the next morning and remembered the meeting the
night before. I had something that I lost somewhere along the way. That was hope.
Again this was a gift that I had to ask for. The one
stipulation was that I must pass this gift on to other
alcoholics who may not know there is a way out. And
there is a special method that allows me to do this.
I pass this message to the next alcoholic sufferer
by sharing with them exactly what happened to me. I must do this with humility and gratitude. I tell them this is how I
stay sober, by telling them what happened to me. I thank
them for listening to me and helping me to maintain
my own sobriety. If the new prospect shows interest I
offer him/her a copy of the book Alcoholics Anonymous,
preferably a third edition. I suggest that they read
some of the stories in the back of the book. They may be able to identify with the writers of the stories. I am
available to answer any questions they may have to the
extent of my own experience. I believe the book will
answer most questions they may have. I believe that I
could lose this gift if I keep it for myself. But that
is not the reason I keep giving it away in whatever way
I can. There is no reward greater than to see a
suffering alcoholic get well. ANONYMOUS

Anonymous
RE: "I lasted 7 months and started again"

I hope you come back and get sober. I don't think it is about "lasting". Can I ask if you read the book, went to a meeting every day, did your prayer and meditation every morning, asked someone to sponsor you and talked to another alcoholic every day? I can assure you this AA program can and does work for anyone. If I can put the plug in the jug anyone can! Please come back and try the things I mentioned and post again and let me know how you are doing. I care about you!!

Ray C.

Anonymous
started drinking again

Is it possible that she/he stopped going to meetings
because the "suggestions" you listed were crammed down
his/her throat. You forgot "Find God and find Him Now!
ANONYMOUS

Anonymous
RE: Started Drinking Again

This is the AA program. If you are in it and serious about working the AA program to get sober these are the things we did, if you want what we have you can try them and maybe they will work for you too! It is more likely the person left because of negativity to the program oozed out by folks who have some type of resentment to the program and don't know how to handle it. I spent some time on the web site for another recovery program and the negativity to AA was overwhelming! The only thing that surprised me was that some AA's wasted their time rebuting this other program! If you don't like AA it doesn't mattter to me I hope you find happiness in whatever you endeaver. My question is if the things I mentioned are not the program of AA than what is? Doing these things worked for me and that is how I know to get sober and that is what I pass on. It continues to work for me today and I am not going to mess with it. If it doesn't work for you I hope you find something that does!

Ray C.

Anonymous
Negativity to AA

Don't you consider this negative image of AA by the general public cause for alarm? Viewing with alarm for
the good of our fellowship doesn't always make one a
bleeding deacon. There was a time in our history when
our reputation was considered better than our actual
character. Practically everyone on earth has heard of
Alcoholics Anonymous. What they have heard about AA
prevents alcoholics from approaching us in many cases.
(my opinion). And what they have heard about AA is
true. We make a spectacle of newcomers and alcoholics
who are returning. We practically force others to
pray with us. Even if they are convinced to attend
an AA meeting, when they hear what is requred of
them they are pushed away.
What is our recovery rate? For anyone who doesn't
know, we gained a pitiful 15,000 new members in the
entire year of 2010. (approximate number) With 60,000
groups, that averages an increase of one group out
of four gaining one new member. Something is horrible
wrong. The blunders we have made are posted on I-SAY.
ANONYMOUS

AD010416
Offline
Joined: 2012-01-18
Negativity to AA

" I spent some time on the web site for another recovery program and the negativity to AA was overwhelming!"
"Don't you consider this negative image of AA by the general public cause for alarm?"
The author quoted first said nothing about negativity by the general public, but by those who posted to another recovery program. The author of the second quote is himself a good example of what is horribly wrong, a negative image of AA by someone calling himself a member of AA.

Anonymous
Negativity

Weren't those who posted to another recovery program
part of the general public? Why would anyone say anything
negative about A.A.? I think it is because of our dismal
success record over the past twenty years. We are failing
suffering alcoholics plus their families and friends. We
have the method to help them, but the technique has been
so distorted that most A.A. members today don't even
know what it is. We must stop telling alcoholics what to
do. If we simply share our own experience, strength and
hope, how can we go wrong. Tell them what we did, and
what happened to us. Make sure your own spiritual house is in order. Let the new person decide if they want what we
have, without any prodding or pushing from us. If they
want what we have they can do what we did. We don't need
to tell them they must do so. Let them decide. If we are
sober and they can see that we are living a good life,
how can they resist. But if we say: this is what you
must do, ARE YOU READY?, we spoil the chances of them
wanting to join us. We must stop making these demands,
disguised as "suggestions".
Have I made myself perfectly clear? About as clear
as mud or mule muffins? ANONYMOUS

Anonymous
RE experience strength and hope

For clarification to your point, could you please share your experience,strength, and hope so I can take it or leave it.

Again, Please post how you achieved sobriety, and how you would help me if I asked you to show me how to get sober.

Thanks, Corey

phonedude2
Offline
Joined: 2012-02-09
Primary purpose

I went to my regular men's morning meeting yesterday. I heard the usual inspirations. I bought flowers on the way home for my significant other, as usual. I wrote two letters to my sons, very unusual. Then we went to a tavern and I had soda water with grenandine, and she had glasses of wine. I got to talking, trying to convince myself that I belonged. On the way home I got agitated. I couldn't sleep. I read an article in the Grapevine. It said something similar to what I heard from a one on one talk I had after the men's meeting. The subject was how alcoholics are physically different from others. When I left that meeting earlier, I was aware that in moments of stress I used to drink to feel better. I didn't have the urge to drink, but I could remember how I used alcohol to feel better. It was what I went to to escape into that spiritual dimension. I just wanted to share that.

How you can use these thoughts would be like this. Go to a meeting, share what you read in the bigbook that day. Then, after the meeting talk to one of the people there. Act interested in what they have to say. Share something that you have on your mind, no matter how off the wall it seems.

Being stuck in self doesn't work for me. And these spiritual tools help us simulate the good feeling we used to get from drinking.

That is it. I hope I get to sleep tonight. I must remember that it is how I respond to what happens to me that is important. That is something I can learn to control. My thoughts and my actions.

Anonymous
Big circle, me, too.

I had a similar experience from an AA meeting a couple of years ago. I was all psyched up about being sober and went in and heard a bunch of people talk about helplessness and others laugh and joke about their drinking days and when I left I was so dissappointed, I felt that there was no place for me to go for the moral support that I needed. I didn't want to feel helpless, I want to feel empowered. I don't find anything funny about some of the things that have happened in my life as a result of drinking.
I've since attended other meetings but I try to keep an open mind about it and just enjoy the company of others with the same problem as me because on some level they understand me. I attend several different groups some big some small. I have met some people who are successful in their sobriety and that gives me hope.
I also would like to just have wine with dinner in Paris without it sabotaging my sobriety or a Bloody Mary just at the beach, but so far that has not been my track record. I just don't want to drink everyday ever again and total abstinence seems to be the only way to guarantee that for me.
I don't know how helpful this is but I know that you don't have to go through it alone.
One thing that really blows my mind is how many people are affected by alcohol. I always see new faces in AA meetings.
I have some phone lists and talk to a few people outside of meetings.
I wish you success, if there were more I could offer to help you I would. You've quit before, you know how to do it or how to let God do it. Just set your mind to it again and do it.
Take care. Alicia in Ala.

Anonymous
I've quit so many times to

I've quit so many times to just end up back drinking, I know I can't do it like normal people. I hate it . I do want to stop but the cry me a river mind I have makes it hard

Anonymous
re-slipper

Only one way to stop drinking is to,stop drinking! The first drop always got me drunk. I don't what cry me a river means.Alkys don't react to booze like other folks. We have a physical compulsion to drink more, the book talks about an allergy that I have.

Anonymous
RE: re-slipper

To quit drinking it takes a H.P like police, Spouse, sponsor etc, but to really stop it takes an abandonment only to God !!

Anonymous
So many times

Get away from liquor. Don't go near it or anyone drinking it. Can you take a drink and stop after one or two? If not
you are probably an alcoholic. The physical craving leaves
after a few weeks. But it always returns if we introduce
the body to alcohol again. I probably don't have to tell you that. By now, you know. Don't give up trying. Can you
"go away" somewhere to be separated from liquor one last
time? Give us another chance. Sooner or later we will
get it right. Search and find a meeting where you feel
comfortable. Go to that meeting on a regular basis and
listen. We need you to listen to us. That is how we stay
sober. We learn from you what not to do. You will eventually learn what TO DO by listening to what we did.
It is really that simple. Go slow, day by day, and give
yourself a break. Many of us have been where you are now.
We are sober today. You can be too. ANONYMOUS

Anonymous
RE: I've quit so many times

If you want to quit that is the best start you can make. I honestly feel I had to take every drink I took to get into AA and get sober. The unfortunate part is many of us are in a race--get sober or die---which will come first. You may be a person who has to let their bottom come up and hit you!
Have you honestly tried everything that was suggested to you or were you lacking??
Read the Big Book, go to a meeting every day, prayer and meditation, work with a sponsor, work the 12 steps, talk to another alcoholic every day! If you want to be sober you will keep trying and the miracle will happen for you! We need you so don't give up on yourself!

Ray C.

Anonymous
RE: Going in a big circle

Well, what I am hearing is you are saying because you stayed sober 10 years, (you did it on your own), that you can stay sober on your own. Well it really didn't work. Yes you had 10 years but you did drink again and to drink again for a "real" alcoholic it is a death sentence. It doesn't matter that you aren't drinking as much as before it is only a matter of time and you will be. Strangely enough when I first came into the program I got some urges to drink when I read the Big Book but I just set it down for a minute and said a prayer or talked to someone. If you get an urge to drink in a meeting talk about it in the meeting or to your sponsor, (I'm sure you had a sponsor the first time right?), or to another alcoholic.
If you read the book, work the steps , go to meetings, talk to your HP, help another alcoholic, and talk to your sponsor you will be fine. Do you think you can do those things??

Wilhamena

Anonymous
RE: Going in a big circle

Jesus Christ man how about just hanging tough and just not drinking today! Them MAYBE you will TRUST IN GOD then clean house rather than be told like a kid or adult in someone else institution. Let go let God - run from diversions of that like your ?

annabodot
Offline
Joined: 2011-12-12
12 Step programs for the unaddicted?

I am grateful to be in recovery for almost 4 months. Two friends have become hugely interested in the 12 Steps, but neither is a drinker. One is suffering acute depression and anxiety and the other feels her life has gone in the wrong direction. Both have come to AA meetings just to hear more about this way of life. They are eating it up! (But I'm not taking them any longer.)

We alcoholics are blessed (my words) to have the steps, but does anyone have any suggestions for my friends? Haven't heard of any 12 step groups outside of addictive behavior (although a person can surely become addicted to fear.)

anonymous
Offline
Joined: 2012-03-04
Re: 12 Step programs for the unaddicted

There is a 12 step program for non addicted family and friends of alcoholics called Al-Anon and it was started by Dr. Bob’s and Bill W.’s wives Anne and Lois. I’m sure your friends would be most welcome to join or start a new meeting, and with them they’ll bring much experience, strength and hope to the fellowship. Worth trying to see how it goes. Al-Anon Website: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

Anonymous
unaddicted ? is there such a thing ?

Drunks drink to lose control and others love to control, God help us all.

Anonymous
To Anonymous on unaddicted?

HA - that was an excellent post - you made my day! Especially the "God help us all" part - He's the only one who can!!!

Anonymous
just a thought

Research online or have them start their own group btw themselves!

Anonymous
Stay away for now

I went to my morning meeting today. My former sponsor told me that she needed not to be a part of my individual life for now and I could see her at meetings but not to call her. I find it very difficult to meet people in AA. I have always been a very private person and this I believe has made me sick.

Anonymous
RE: Stay Away For Now

Please read the bottom of p 66 top of p67 in the BB.
It may be your sponsor who is in a bad place not you.
Also, if you practice reaching out it will become easier and easier.
There is an old poem that goes something like this, "I went out to find a friend and there weren't any there. I went out to be a friend and friends were everywhere!"
Hang in there and try a little harder. You will be fine.

Ray C.

yjhollenbeck
Offline
Joined: 2012-03-11
response

It is certainly compassionate of you to want to share the beauty of AA with those you care about. My Mother is not an alcoholic and does not have a desire to stop drinking, thus she is not a member. But loves to come to open meetings with me and see the wonders of this program. I have explained the 12 Steps to her as I understand them and she tries to apply some of the principles to her own life.

Anonymous
It only takes two

Thanks for the photo. No liquor and no faces.
Rose

Anonymous
Going Back Out

I remember listening to one of our old timers describe how he had been struggling with AA members going back out. He thought "why can't they get this, what is wrong with them". Then he remembered that he'd been through treatment 9 times before finally sobering up. He expressed gratitude that the door was not shut at 5 or 7 or 8 and that if it had been, he might have missed his now 40 years of sobriety.

The message to me was that people are ready when they are ready. It is not for me to judge. My job is to be there for them on their 9th or 50th or 100th try to extend a hand, welcome them back and share my experience, strength & hope. I need to remember that this is a chronic disease and they are powerless.

Anonymous
gift of desperation

i was going to meetings ""for support"" for my s/o" would come home and drink i just wasn't ready. She stayed sober and even left this drunk and got a life became happy and whole, that was fuel for my demise i was free finally i wouldn't have regret or remorse for my drunken actions and behaviors..

i drank and drank, happy times.. well one hot July day in 2010 i found myself drinking myself sober...wow that never happened before . and i realized i didn't want to drink anymore but i had no way to do it .. i couldn't stop thinking about drinking and i would drink finally in August after trying to white knuckle stopping i realized i was alone and without help.. there on a spot i decided it was the end i wanted to die if i couldn't stop but i was too chicken for that plus i had to cats that were always there for me.. i was crying i looked up and there was a blue book in corner of my room and i said god if there's a number to call i will do it "help me". In the front cover was the only phone number i ever wrote down it was from AA's CENTRAL OFFICE.. i called that number i was told when a meeting would be in my area it was 6 hours later then i was asked by the man on the phone a question i realized saved my life "can you stay sober until then?" i broke down and got honest with him and me and i said "i don't know" this was the first real honest thing to ever come out of this drunks mouth... well i made that meeting and I've stayed sober i got a home group sponsor and even found friends. i have since gained a few 24hours and shared this message with others I am not special i am just like you i don't have the answers but if i look i can find the solutions... thank you aa sincerely DBM, Tonawanda NY

Anonymous
Hey guys...

Just saying hello. Here from Texas

Anonymous
Relapse

Mike,
I believe there are 3 main things that will help lead to recovery. I did not know them when I first came in but I know them now. 1). "We had to concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholic, this is the first step in recovery". Believing we are alcholics and admitting it. Not just admitting it. 2). Surrender. "We stopped fighting everything and everybody". Quit fitting the fact you can't drink like a so-called normal drinker. Accept what you are. 3). Action. Get to meetings. Read the book "Alcoholics Annonymous". Get a sponsor. Work through the 12 steps as honestly and thoroughly as you can with you sponsor.
If you want to get sober and are willing to do anything to get sober it will work for you as it has worked for me!

Ray C

Anonymous
RE: relapse

This would have been a wonderful message, great advice,
if you had not made the demands (suggestions) in the last
three sentences. He/she has already done the first three
steps. Why complicate it? It really is not that complicated.
These demands are not required for sobriety or membership
in Alcoholics Anonymous. I try to just share what I did
and leave it at that. Let the newcomer decide for herslf/
himself whether they want to follow our path.
These demands (suggestions) create shame and guilt,
which are capable of creating the need for a drink.
ANONYMOUS

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