Burning Desire to Share
And sound advice!
However - It sounds to me like you are a miserable person in sobriety - potentially more miserable than when you were drunk?
People need encouragement and help to stop drinking - you are just offering sadness, anger and bad advice.
Check yourself. Remember where you were first seeking help - and God help you - because with your attitude - you'll be out there before the rest of us...
Happy New Year!
Obviously your not working the program, try working with a sponsor on your steps, do service work, volunteer. Being lazy is no excuse. If things are boring go see someone in the hospital dying, they may not see another day. How boring it would be to lay in bed in pain, suffering, waiting to die or waiting for a miracle. You can give something to someone who doesn't have much. Like happiness, friendship, someone to talk to, or even helping someone else get through the day. We all don't know when our time will come, so I cherish each day like it may be my last.
It’s getting boring because you are boring! If you are bored in AA, it just means you are doing it wrong. Work the 12 steps out of the big book with a sponsor who has had a spiritual experience from working the steps. Then your job is to be of maximum service. You will never be bored again. As you take newcomers through the steps and watch them grow and take others through the steps, your life will take on a new meaning.
Good luck to you and remember when you don’t know what to do, the founders of AA wrote it all down in the big book for you and I.
Barbara, so glad you keep coming back and I pray that you will stay for awhile. A simple program for complicated people and aside from the "four Absolutes" our program is meant to be suggestive only...Sponsorship at least for me / tough love many times has kept me coming back and I hope you will too. A loving and patient God waited for me and I am so glad I'm still alive to smile and say "hello'. Good luck Barbara
I am so grateful to read about others who have relapsed. Please, someone, anyone help me: I was hospitalizd for an attempt of a suicide after 30 years of sobriety. I am Finnish and finnished as far as I know. How to continue in AA? There is not big amount of friends here and I feel I let
everyone down. Than you all that you are rhere.
If your going to commit suicide, what made you fail? Your alive for a reason. What doesn't kill you makes you either stronger or it will destroy you. Don't use the poor me either because this leads to depression which leads to drink. This in all means you don't have a active program, you lack step work, you don't trust in your higher power, and you don't know who you are. So..... Do the steps with a sponsor, do service work, and turn your life to your higher power. I hope you get a spiritual awakening
What I really appreciate about AA is that we are always welcomed back. We all get it: we are real alcoholics. We practically knock each other over trying to greet and exchange phone numbers with those that return or walk in for the first time. We all know that sobriety is a gift and there are no guarantees. You are loved and needed in the rooms of AA.
There are many groups in my area and I was fortunate to find a good one right away. But there are times when I think that my group is not that great, but then I am proven wrong, so what I think is not always true. So I have learned to be open minded and patient lest I lead myself astray.
Sorry to hear of your trouble and wish you a speedy recovery in the new year.
There is no longevity contest going on as far as I know. You spent thirty years not drinking, not driving drunk, ruining your health, being a liability to your family and everyone else around you. Learning a lot about staying sober. Alcoholism can’t take those thirty years away from you. Too much time is spent marking time instead of making time count. This isn’t a prison sentence marking x’s on the wall.
I have had several friends in your shoes that came back sadder but wiser. I just chose one to talk to about a problem I was having. It made no difference that he had made a mistake recently. He had lots of years of AA knowledge and had good information that I needed.
Here in the States there is a common phrase regarding a shortened prison sentence "Time off for good behavior". I heard an old AA member turn that saying around and said that he had twenty five years of sobriety with a few days off for bad behavior. It was honest and a good description of his experience.
Early in sobriety my first sponsor got drunk. Of course I was really angry but it taught me something. Get my information straight from the source, AA literature, don't use a human for a higher power and alcohol is cunning, baffling and powerful.
Thanks for sharing your experience. I think that is why "We" is the first word of the steps.
Very thoughtful, thanks
Hello I'm so grateful for the aa program it has saved my life
Another mouse in my house has shared their gratitude and I'd like to welcome you with my gratitude for you. As you may see from the subject line I have a little fun playing with tHe alphabet now that my sometimes distorted abstact visual way of thinking is clearer. I am somewhat isolated and need to maintain focus on pleasant thoughts so thank you for helping me to remain grateful just for today. Sobriety did not promise me, or guarentee me anything...but sometimes "painstakingly" I have managed to make better decisions because of a "loving God who understands me" some tough sponsorship, 4 absolutes, 12/12 steps/traditions and a Serenity Prayer its entirety. Welcome and I pray for your continued efforts in obtaining and maintaining your new way of life. Pass it on and Keep Smiling
I wish a Merry Christmas to all people especially alcoholics new and old. I remember how Christmas was difficult, but as I worked my program with the help of the group, higher, power, and sponsor I learned to make Christmas as I understand it. I changed how I viewed Christmas. I replaced my selfish thoughts into giving and spreading joy in many ways. I not only helped those in the rooms, but with charities around my neighbourhood, got into a choir at my local church, went visited those who were in the hospital sick, I spent time with my family having dinner, of course I gave gifts too to people for Christmas. You know what else? I did it all sober, selfless, and the reward I got was happiness, joy, and peace. It says if we want to keep what we have, we must turn to those who need our help, whether it being in the program or outside. Come on people spread the joy, happiness, and love, and you will receive the same gift in return. There is no time to drink or think about it, because my thought is on what I can do for someone else. If you suffer then go make someone else happy, if you crave a drink go carolling house to house with some AA friends, if you are lonely go visit someone who is in the hospital sick on Christmas, and if you are still finding Christmas hard, may your higher power save you.
God bless and Merry Christmas,
Thanks for caring. Thanks for sharing. Thanks for passing the message along...happy, joyous, and free on the road to happy destiny. May God bless you and keep you until then. Not necessarily always humble and grateful but definately not drunk or high.
The holiday issue of The Grapevine brings to mind my favorite definition of hell: Hell is sitting on the cold basement floor at midnight on Christmas Eve, a glass of whiskey beside me, trying to put toys together for the children.
My last holidays drinking happened over 25 years ago and yet I remember as if it happened yesterday. My life was so bad, so out of control, so far from the true spirit of the holidays that I can never forget and never want to forget the horror of active alcoholism. Today, I am filled with gratitude for AA and my sober life.
I have God. I have nothing.
Remember. Ask for what you need and accept what you get. No man is an island. Even the lone ranger had Tonto and a horse.
If you have God you have everything you need, the rest will come, I'm having a tough year too all alone, but I have faith that things will change the longer I stay sober :) Stay strong, it will come, they will come. Call your sponsor, they will help.
God bless, merry Christmas.
I have been a alcoholic from the age of 13. I went and got help... I stopped at he age of 35... life was real I could see the world... I have started drinking again..Im in so much paion now
Hope and pray you make it back.
The doors of A.A.never close regardless of what you have done. Stpo the pain go to a meeting. Keep it simple.
T.J. Marathon, N.Y.
Hi, I hear your pain, hit some meetings, don't fall into that pity party, you've made it before, you can do it again, if you have a sponsor, call, and pray, it will be ok :)
I hope you can make it to a meeting. I too know where you are at. Just don't drink and go to a meeting tomorrow, and the next day.
I do know how you hurt....I was in the same place at the beginning of the year . I was in fact begging God for some form of calamity to make the madness stop. A series of events made me stop. I can share more with you and offer support ....you could email me at my user name above followed by at yahoo dot com. I will pray tonight exclusively for you ....I don't know a thing about God and sometimes wonder if God is dispassionate! But all my life I have asked for help when busted and broken ...but I will try to pray as fervently as I can.
Love and Peace
Everyone has gone through those first few days of sobriety. you have been sober before, and none of this came to mind before you started drinking again. That means your like me. you are powerless over alcohol, and yes, even while sober. we have these strange mental blank spots when it comes to alcohol. My last drink was aug 13,1992. I walked out of my regular home group meeting and pickup up a drink 2 hours later. the terrible consequences never came to mind. I drank alcohol like it was water. I had no mental defence.
Some guys from my home group 12 stepped me. they babysat me until my brain cleared. they took me through the steps in the big book.
Now I try to align how I do the 12 steps with the directions in the big book. I have recoverd from my obsession with alcohol. you can too if you do what I did.
Good luck to you and God bless you!
My home group has 3 meetings some days and 5 on others. It's entirely possible not to see the same faces at every meeting. We aren't a silent group. You don't have to share but are encouraged to do so. We get our share of new comers and court ordered listeners. One thing that used bother me was what I thought was a lack of politeness by some who would text and play games on their cell phones during the meeting. Some would actually sleep during the meeting and wake up to have their appearance document signed.
These things don't bother me any longer. I had to learn to accept people as they came through the door. Just like they accepted me. I'm not there to make people mind or accept me or the program. I'm not made to go to meetings by the court. I go because I genuinely care to go and have been helped by AA. I've met some very nice people through AA.
My alcoholism progressed for 35 years. I'm still experiencing the consequences. I want to help anyone who has this disease make it in recovery. I still take it one day at a time. Most times I go on autopilot and let God handle my day. I like it when he takes over. I don't take tomorrow to bed with me. Who am I to presume I have a tomorrow? The promises are materializing for me more and more. I'm 1 year 6 months sober. Happy one day at a time.
Sounds like you are on a good track. The only alcoholic I can sober up is this one and I sometimes need to put blinders on to accomplish that. I'm no one's higher power, I don't know if a guy needs the AA message or a nap. Yes, your honor, he was here.
Need a trick to keep from choking someone who doesn't know when to shut up? Start at five hundred and mentally count backwards by sevens. 500-493-486... I guarantee you won't get to zero and won't hear a word they say.
We do what we have to.
Tonight Will be my first meeting after 13 years of sobriety then 5 years of daily drinking.. The loneliness at home is almost killing me. I hope all the talk about how going to AA now is lonesome isn't true, cause I can't handle anymore of that.. I have 4 days sober and will be visiting an all woman's group tonight, here's hoping...
I have been in the program for over 13 years. i relapsed when I had 5 then again when i had 7. i was using a subsatnce for 4 years. I now have 1 year and almost 6 months back. The insnaity of this disease is what was the worst. That is all behind me now. You know how it is in early sobriety. hang in thee and don't pick "no matter What" You can do this
Laurie: hang in there. I had 9 years sober and 12 years of drinking after. I now have a bit over 2 years. It was great coming back to the fellowship and it was difficult at times.
The loneliness the first year was horrible. I was putting so much pressure on myself to meet people and running away form the loneliness it made it worse.
30-60 days in, your brain and body are still healing so you will have those feelings of depression, frustration and loneliness as a result.
I still have those moments however, am able to realize now that these moments pass quickly.
The greatest thing I did was develop my relationship with my higher power and when those moments come up I reflect on the fact that I am not alone.
Keep coming back it does work.
I did the same thing after 9 years 11 months and 10 days of sobriety I took a drink thinking " well if it gets bad I will get back to AA and sober up in a jiffy" ....I have barely put together 6 months and 22 days this time and am seeking desperately to get to meetings. I have a nice new car in the garage but the license maybe reissued only in June 2015. Of course my license was revoked because my picture on it was too handsome ( ha ha ) and on May 22nd Mr. Smirnoff and Mr. Walker and I were driving the same car at the same time. Actually I feel rather tranquil and warm just writing these words to to you.
Take care be well and prosperous
I was sober for over 10 years.. I went out drinking and my life is a mess..
After 13 years Sober, But only attending AA for two of those years, I thought all of a sudden how my life had changed so much for the better that I would be able to drink sociably again (why were all these people allowed to have fun and not me) Well 4 years down the road drinking daily, hiding it (so I think) I have been detoxing on my own for 3 days now and will be attending my first meeting tomorrow night. One just for women to start. During those 13 years I was working full time running two kids around and had a lot on my plate. I have a wonderful husband now, who works a lot (I hide this from him, again not really, well the liters I drink anyways) just a mental game I play with myself. I am so lonely and have never had many friends and none that knew of my problem. I left that group behind when I First Joined AA 17 tears ago and never looked back. I was just looking up meetings thinking i should probably get to as many as possible so I won't be so alone. I'm also a little nervous about running into people I know since I'm now in a small town. I sent my son who'17 a text today apologizing for my behavior this past weekend. Although I don't really know what I did but was said to be pretty bad by my husband whom I still told I wasn't drunk... Wow. I can say That I have never woke up a day and been glad I drank the day/night before and once I started normally early it didn't stop. My most important question to you here is do you think I should have my husband take my son to at least a couple al-anon meetings so he can at least understand the past few years before I lose him... He's coming up to 18 and my biggest fear is loosing him cause his mom WAS a drunk... Thanks for letting me share.
I know you were writing to get help for yourself, with this question about your son and al-anon (and I have no idea what you should do about that) but your post helped ME.
I got online today --googled AA -- because I woke up hungover (again) and I am full of shame. I was sober for 10 years, but only active as an AA member for about 3. I cleaned up my life, got married, had kids, and, eventually felt that I was a new person and started to drink again -- that was in 2002, just a bit at first -- very controlled -- but, for the past 5 years I've been guzzling wine down pretty much daily. I feel awful about it. I feel like I'm failing my kids -- 15 and 18 -- and that I wasted these precious years with them and they'll be gone soon. I was sober during their early years, but they probably can't even remember that.
Whenever I get really low and tell my husband I'm going to join AA again, he talks me out of it (because he likes to drink and enjoys drinking with me-- also I think he's afraid of change). I guess I've been feeling like a freak and that there aren't other people with my story (duh -- I should know better, but that's where I go). I relate to so many aspects of your post and about not remembering what you said to your son -- I don't black out, but i get really foggy at night and can't quite remember clearly what I said or did and I feel so bad about that, for my kids.
Occasionally, I'll think of going to a meeting, but, like you, I don't want to run into people I know. And I live in NYC! I have a lot of trepidation. Before when I I got sober, I was single -- now, there are so many people involved in my life, I'm afraid to make a big change and think I can just try to manage my drinking better, somehow and keep the status quo.
Thanks for sharing and it makes me remember how AA works: how sharing your pain and experience inadvertently helps someone else who's suffering. I feel a little less freaky reading your post, because it's so similar to my experience. I don't know what I'm going to do, but this is my first attempt to connect with AA since 2002.
If you know what your "most important question is" after detoxing for three days, you're way ahead of me and I just picked up a coin with the Serenity Prayer one side and several "X's" on the other.
Running your own life is apt to be a full time job. More than that for most. Cemeteries and prisons are full of them.
Word count in your post:
I hope you make it, It is indeed a wonderful life.
What worked for my child was KNOWING that I was going to meetings and not drinking. She drives me to some meetings on the weekends. It took a while for her to trust me again. A year in fact. My daughter will be 18 soon as well. She will leave the nest knowing she has a sober father. Not a father who always made the best decisions, but one who loved her unconditionally. My decision to join AA has been the best decision I've ever made. Don't worry if you're from a small town. People will gossip as long as there are people to gossip about. Don't gossip back and let it pass you by. I have to work on myself and pray for them.
I had the same fear when I went to a meeting in my hometown where I grew up. It was funny. The meeting house was one block from where I used to live and some of my childhood friends were at the meeting. Some who thought I had died. We had a wonderful time catching up. Bunch of used to be drunks laughing at ourselves for what We used to think was cool.
If it was me, I'd let my son drive me and drop me off to a few meetings. Pick me up after. Then go get an Ice cream. He'd need to know I was serious about getting back into the program. I'd find a sponsor as soon as I could as well. I'd invite my sponsor over to meet the family. I'd ask God for help. I'd pray and mean it.
Hang in there. Don't worry about your son yet. All you need to do is go to meetings and don't drink one day at a time. Everything else will work out! And best of luck to you. Today is the first day of the rest of your life!
All the best,
We are two brothers in AA sober more than 3 years. Somebody in AA told me that if there are two brothers in AA, one of them only remain sober for long time. And generally the one which people think that he or she will not remain sober. I am dreaded with this thought. Do you know any two bothers in AA who are sober for long time ?
I recently graduated a treatment center where we were told that statistically only 2 of "us" will "make" it to long term sobriety. Funny thing is no-one but God (my Higher Power)can know who will make it and who wont. this "sombody" must like to hear themselves talk.
You say you have 3 years in the program? are you serious after 3 years you really entertain nonsense like this.
I have two brothers in AA for quite a few days. I came to AA in November of 1971. My younger brother followed me in June of 1972.My youngest brother came in July of 1991. By the grace of God we are all still sober giving us a combined 105 years of sobriety.My younger brother has a son with 15 sober years in the program and another son who is struggling to get sober.
I'm in AA. I will tell you if there are two brothers in AA, if one of them remains sober, they both will, but if one relapses, the other will stay sober. Be the sober brother.
I know numerous sets of brothers, father/sons, mother/daughter, and countless BFF (best friends forever) Some sober, some not. Being an anonymous AA means we hang our titles on a hook outside the meeting room. In AA we're just alcoholics. In the rooms we're just individuals trying to stay sober ourselves
know many brothers who are sober and stayed sober. some drink, some don't. the brothers that have a sponsor, home. group, and apply the 12 steps stay sober and grow. the brothers that donr, usually drink . just. like ever other alcoholic.
"Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house."
Alcoholics Anonymous p98
Makes it clear to me that I can get well regardless of anything my brother or anyone else does IF I do the two things required.
Truer words were never written. I'm on every page of the big book. It was written for me and countless others.
Ask the clown what page the myth about two brothers is on?
If I have a meeting with Bill W (reading AA literature) for every face to face meeting that I attend, I can recognize BS (Bad Sense) a mile away. So can you.
By God's grace I had my last drink in 1970. My brother,
three years younger, drank another twenty years. We had started drinking around the same time.
He just completed 23 years without a drink. I personally
know twin brothers who are sober for three decades.
Share your AA life with your brother, if possible.
My brother is in another state, but we attend meetings
together when we visit. So don't dread; Enjoy. ANONYMOUS
I am brand new at this, went for two weeks sober, which I never thought I could do, then had one incident where I backslid and drank after being triggered by a traumatic conversation with an abusive partner. I have since gone to another meeting and made plans for a temporary sponsor and plans with new AA friends to meet up, have lunch and go to meetings together. I am also seeing my therapist and on meds. It just seems like I feel constantly drained lately, but going to meetings gives me some hope to see others have done it.
I just hope I can survive my next interaction with the abusive partner and not backslide again after all the hard work.
I have lost my appetite, is this normal? I am eating but just not hungry much.
Also I am feeling isolated after having to turn down social invites for drinks, and such.
Im sure it gets easier, but I have to say these first few weeks have been very emotional and tough. Suggestions welcomed.
Years ago when I got sober, I had been in an abusive marriage for 17 years and drank the whole time. At first, I felt like I woke up to a nightmare in front of me, abusive husband and dysfunctional children and my own life unmanageable. To stay sober, I went to lots of meetings, I read the Big Book and listened to AA tapes when not at meetings. and I talked a lot and socialized a lot with AA people.I also found a sponsor to do 4th step and 5th step inventory. I had to keep reminding myself that I was trying to stay sober despite the terrible situation around me and that it would GET BETTER. I also keep thinking, "DONT DRINK even if your butt falls off", "Let Go and Let God" and "Never give up". I did have one slip the first year and another the second year, but I finally started asking God every day to keep me sober and after that I stayed sober.In the beginning I had forgotten to do that because I was so overwhelmed with my problems, I didn't focus on solutions. I now have almost 29years sobriety and during that time all my problems got solved and I have been happy, joyous and free for many,many years. The healing and recovery doesn't come fast, so you have to learn patience and we alcoholics are not patient. We want sobriety to the fullest right away. Take it one day at a time and keep reminding yourself WHY you want to stay sober. For me it was to get rid of the pain and to do that I had to stop drinking first, because that only covered up the pain and I couldn't heal. You can write me anytime if you have other questions. Mary Jo
Congratulations on two weeks! One thing that was suggested to me when I first came in was to read page 417 of the Big Book. It may be helpful. I found that going to ninety meetings in ninety days, getting a sponsor, reading the literature, working the steps and getting active by taking a job in a group were all very helpful to keeping me sober one day at a time.
I never experienced lack of appetite, but this too shall pass, I am sure.
I stopped going out with those people who I knew just wanted to drink, but I frequently travel on business in which there is drinking and by "maintaining my spiritual condition", I am able to be around alcohol without it being a problem now. I have replaced these interactions with AA and other activities that I enjoy.
It does get easier.
Much love to you too :-)
dearest friends, i am struggling every day. i am going for a two day vacation with a sober friend to florida for some sun this weekend. any words of wisdom? wine by the pool and on the beach is something i cant imagine not doing. i dont like who i become when i drink and certainly not how i feel the next day. but i want to have fun! help