Magazine Discussion Topic
I am glad that you stuck around in spite of the predators that attacked you. I remember a guy saying, "Hey! Why don't you come to my house and we can watch a spiritual video together." to me. The answer was, "No." because I had a year's sobriety but I wonder if anyone new has been victimized by this person.
I think it is the job of every A.A. "veteran" to look out for newcomers and protect them from predators. I applaud you for doing that today :-)
Thank you so much for sharing your experience regarding this very
serious matter. I admire your courage in standing up to this most unacceptable behavior. Women and young people need to feel safe on our meetings or they will in fact leave and yes they may
die. I presented on the topic of Safety in AA - Our Common Welfare at the Northeast Regional Forum in June of this year and was overwhelmed with the response I got. From that presentation I have
been asked to allow part of my talk to be printed in the GV issue, asked to allow the talk to be posted on area websites and asked to be part of a distinct workshop on the matter. In addition, my home group has adopted the concept of a newcomer committee to help match up men with men and women with women at their first meetings. A group inventory is a good way to get this discussion going and I also have found that when a light is cast
on this kind of behavior, it lessens the chance of reoccurrence. Still as I write this I think that one occasion of predatory behavior is one too many. Thank you again for your candor and for your courage - your experience is helping others
LET'S CALL IT WHAT IT IS....AND IF I SEE IT HAPPENING ON MY WATCH I WILL WARN THE NEW WOMEN AND ALSO GO OVER TO THE PREDATOR AND TELL HIM TO BACK OFF NOW....IF HE GIVES ME GUFF I MENTION THAT IF HE PERSISTS I WILL CALL HIM ON IT OVER THE TABLE SO EVERYONE WILL UNDERSTAND WHAT IS GOING ON...AA TO ME IS LIFE OR DEATH...AND THE NEW PEOPLE DON'T KNOW THE ROPES....I FEEL THAT IT IS UP TO OTHERS TO TAKE THEM UNDER THEIR WINGS UNTIL THEY CAN PROTECT THEMSELVES...
I AM SORRY IF IT MAKES OTHERS FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE...BUT THAT HAS TO BE THEIR PROBLEM....THAT DENIAL IS WHAT WILL ALLOW THE PREDATORY BEHAVIOR TO CONTINUE UNCHECKED...THEY DONT HAVE TO LIKE THE FACT THAT I BRING IT UP...I REALLY DON'T CARE IF THEY LIKE IT OR NOT...IT IS ABSOLUTELY THE RIGHT THING FOR ME TO DO...OPEN AND ABOVEBOARD....AND SEVERAL TIMES I HAVE EVEN BROUGHT UP THE SUBJECT OF 13 STEPPING....IT HELPS MEMBERS KNOW THAT IT DOES GO ON...AND IT COULD KILL ...AND IT IS A WARNING NOT TO TRY IT IF THEY ARE ANYWHERE NEAR ME....I WOULD BE HUGELY REMISS IF I DID NOT GIVE THIS PROTECTION TO THE NEW WOMAN....IT IS ALSO PRACTICING A WONDERUL SLOGAN WE HAVE: MEN WITH THE MEN AND WOMEN WITH THE WOMEN....THERE IS A REASON FOR THIS...SO WALKING OVER TO WELCOME THE NEW WOMEN IS MANDATORY FOR MY RECOVERY AND PEACE OF MIND....AND IT COULD SAVE THEIR LIFE...I HAVE BEEN SOBER OVER 30 YEARS AND HAVE FOUND OUT THAT IF I SAY NOTHING....THEN I AM PART OF THE PROBLEM...
I AM PROUD OF WHO I AM....A WOMAN WHO IS NOT AFRAID TO SPEAK HER MIND EVEN IF IT MIGHT BE UNPOPULAR....I DID NOT GET SOBER TO BE POPULAR...I AM COMFORTABLE TODAY DUE TO AA AND ALL THE WONDERFUL WOMEN WHO SAVED MY LIFE....
While living my 25th year sober,I also have seen a lot of predatory behavior by both men and women. We don't come in as Saints and we don't change right away. I do tell women it is best if they avoid the men and any relationship until they get some health back. The pretty ones really get hit on all the time. Some women are able to turn away from the men and some are not.
I have found that my message needs to contain the idea that the Big Book points out 3 areas of problems that often lead to drinking again...resentment, fear, and sex. That is what I need to say...not necessarily what people want to hear.
When a woman decides to stay involved with the men, I often have to back way off because I get too many resentments when they get hurt.
We are only sick as our secret's right? AA's 13th step dirty little secret keeps on happening because we keep trying to act as if it isn't going on.
Shame shame hmmmm rigorous honesty sure is falling short.
Safety - I don't think it is any less of a concern for the women anywhere else. One wonders how many woman have turned around and walked out of AA because of the initial reception you describe. You are correct, that more people need to make it their business to warn newcomers of predatory practices of both men and women, and to call older members on their behavior - because ultimately for the newcomer it is a matter of life and death. Thanks for the thought-provoking subject and comments.
I downloaded the Dec 2011 issue and heard many similarities in Tony C's "Deep-seated rage." You don't hear adult children's unique issues talked about much. His story meant a lot to me; particularly the abuse, isolation, and growing up in books and with solitary hobbies that just barely got me out alive.
I download three or four issues a night, as I go to bed, so it's ready in the morning. I wish the grapevine was setup more so that you could type in the issue, year and month you want, as I'd like him to know what must have hurt him greatly mattered to someone else. I'd also like the capacity to bookmark or delete individual files in the issue, as I've run out of space a few times already, and I'd like to keep things that mattered to me, while getting rid of things that I don't need.
I think I would like to be able to distribute audio grapevines at doctor's offices and other relevant places. What spoke to me might speak to another desperate person.
Maybe the Grapevine should publish a regular ACOA story, it already publishes NA stories. Perhaps we should also get an OA story or two, and a few GA stories. Soon we'll be able to change the name from Alcoholics Anonymous to Assorted Ailments.
In the July issue the GV discussion topic was at the end of an article entitled Birthday Blackout. Here are my comments.
First, I experienced blackouts several times. During these dramatic affairs I became violent, once causing harm to myself. I didn't hurt anyone else luckily. Other times I came to after blacking out at a football game, where I remembered being inappropriate with a friend of my girlfriend. Another time it was at a faculty party. These blackouts occurred five or six years before I got to Alcoholics Anonymous. I was incredulous that these things happened. They were embarrassing. They led to my being in jail, being ostracized by my coworkers, and causing problems for those people who were close to me and to the authorities.
When I got to AA I did have these signs to look at. But, what signaled to me most was when my wife invited me to dinner, then drove to an AA meeting. I probably would never have gone by myself. I couldn't admit defeat, couldn't show weakness.
Even then it took six months of in an out to finally sober up, and this because I had a court appearance for a DUI I had gotten on my first relapse during that half year.
One thing that helped me admit defeat was sharing at meetings my thoughts about my life being unmanageable.
The people laughed when I said that I didn't quite see my life as out of control. They had seen me for those months, and knew my story by then. That laughter broke through. I felt something like a release of pressure, maybe a not- alone moment.
Almost thirty years later now, I am grateful for those AAers who couldn't help themselves, when they heard their own stories coming out of my experience. That happens still. At meetings I share and hear things that are the bridges that lead me back into sanity and my life, where I can participate with others through mutual understanding and care. What a priceless gift.
I have always written poetry as a means of expressing myself. The poems that I have written in the last few years that I've been sober tell my story and express the great things AA has done for my life. On this website, it is clearly written that they do not accept poetry or songs as a submission to the Grapevine magazine. Photos and artwork are allowed, but not poetry. I am very personal with my poetry and most people that know me don't even know that I'm a poet, but I thought Grapevine could be a great way for me (and other aa poets like myself) to share their story this way and reach out to fellow members in the same way that the regular "story" writers do. Any thoughts on this?
Difficult to imagine a good poet that couldn't write good prose. Nothing in step twelve says carry the message in the way I want.
Yes, really. I join told all above. We can communicate on this theme. Here or in PM.
Poetry is a very different art form. The problem, of course, is that modern poetry tends to be so formless and undisciplined that all folks think they can do it ... which means that The Grapevine would likely get overwhelmed with submissions. Too bad, though. For many of us, reading and writing poetry is nothing less than outreach to our Higher Power. It is most truly a form of prayer, and to exclude it in such a categorical way seems to undermine our form of 12th Step work.
In response to the article on ''Church Bashing'' I have seen both sides of this since my move from the Northeast to the South. Juat for reference, I am not a Christian.
In the Northeast I found the tolerance for church bashing pretty darn high. It was OK to say "My Higher Power, who I choose to call 'God'" but woe betide the poor A.A.er who admitted his HP was Jesus...break out the silver bullets folks, it's Religion rearing it's frightening head! Often people mentioning the ''J'' word in this context would be politely reprimanded after the meeting or ignored as if they had some bizarre contagion. Those who did openly disparage their church experiences were encouraged, but it was not acceptable to mention that A.A. opened the door to a better practice of any formal religious belief as part of sustaining sobriety.
After my move to the South, I found the complete opposite! Scripture was quoted in meetings, Sponsors gave out Christian literature and pointed out Bible verses which needed to be studied as part of working the program. It was strongly suggested to me that I could not possibly have a spiritual awakening unless I accepted Jesus as my savior, after all, I was smugly told, the 12 Steps are based on Christian teaching. Wow, I was now the scared one wondering if I should pursue a different form of recovery, as A.A. appeared more religious than spiritual. I hung in there though and continue to do so, gently reminding over zealous Christians that it is a Spiritual program and demonstrating through speech and actions that a working Higher Power truly can be a God of OUR UNDERSTANDING.
It takes a while for folks to experience spirituality. Sometimes AA folks never experience the difference between their religion and spirituality...but they do stay sober.
I often point out that people around the world belong to AA and use the steps. It seems like the Higher Power doesn't care what you call it or what position you pray in. HP is much more tolerant and loving than any of us, no matter what we believe.
In response to the article on "Church Bashing" in the Feb. Grapevine.
I am a Christian and live in Lexington, North Carolina. When I came to AA in 2005 I believed in God, but did not agree with God. AA brought me to a place to where I could accept God for who he is. Jesus is in my heart and soul every day, but it was not always this way. With that being said, I know for this Alcoholic, though it's very hard, I have to let people find their own way. I will NOT stop going to meetings because someone stepped on my toes! I have stepped on too many in my drunken and sober days. I know how I came to God, and I'm sure others in the program will experience it too. If I run from meetings because of another person, I'm already drunk and don't know it.
I am fairly new myself,a little over 3 yrs this time.I really enjoy listening to the so called old timers for two reasons.First they know what it was like and how to stay sober one day at a time.And second and probably the most important is in reality we as a whole are only sober today.When I have a problem on my mind,(this is only a suggestion) I will grab one of the old timers before or after the meeting and talk the problem out.A sponsor is always good to.Remember we are only sober for one day at a time.Keep coming get active (make coffee,
set the meeting up,clean up after,ext.Do all these things and you will become the old timer..
TIME TAKES TIME So keep coming just one day at a time
Anyone can become an expert on recovery from alcoholism as quickly as they can learn what is in the Big Book. No one gets a PHD though. I was most helpful at two or three years. Do you think I can recall the feelings a newcomer has after over 30 years, besides being a different world? As a newcomer I could look at somebody with three weeks or 90 days or a year and think "Maybe I can do that". Thirty years? Couldn't fathom the idea, nor wanted to.
You, not me are someone's solution.
The Big Book is filled with stories of how sobriety does not cause sobriety. A program of recovery causes sobriety.
I am fairly new to AA and have been a daily blackout drinker for nearly thirty years. I had always had the impression that AA was for those people who just cried about the proplem they had to live with. I was content to handle my problems on my own. I found that I really enjoy and have come to need AA as a part of my daily recovery. I have been sober now for almost six months, which has been by the grace of god and working the program, one day at a time, and mostly one minute at a time. The only downfall I have is being in a meeting and wondering why the oldtimers always get the chance to speak first, and I am left to speak last if there is enough time. Sometimes there is really something on my mind, and by the time it gets to me I have lost the urge to speak. I have also noticed that alot of them think they need to tell you how you are suppose to stay sober instead of talking about their own sobriety. I myself am there for myself, and my sobriety is mine. When I share , I speak of myself, for myself, to keep sober. Has AA become a class instead of a members helping others stay sober ? I also see thise who I believe just like to here theirselves talk. So to all of the oldtimers , please let the new comers speak and be a part of the group, because thats how we all stay sober and clean, one day at a time.
I remember when I was about 3 years sober. I attended meetings where usually the same members spoke night after night and it did get a little boring to hear the same members share night after night even though they had more sobriety than me. But I remember that I was too scared to speak in front of the other 60 or so members that were there because when I did it felt like I was in a spotlight in front of the rest of the meeting. I called the local AA Central Office here once and the member who spoke to me told me how important it is for me to go to different meetings from time to time instead of my home group all the time. He said that if I got bored with AA that I might not come back. It is important for me to keep things interesting by attending various meetings and being around new people on a regular basis. Thank you for letting me share. Samuel, alcoholic
1st ... congratulations on being where you are and however you got there.I liked what you had to say and I too have experienced listening to some folks who seem to enjoy hearing themselves talk .... well I let them talk and I listen,with that said , please try to speak when you have a great desire to share ... I know I would admire someone who had the courage to speak rather than sit and fume and not hear the message of Alcoholics Anonymous ....
Dear New Comer,
Keep coming back and try to have patience with we old farts. I have found that people who go to a lot of meetings tend to like to go to meetings and share a lot. That's ok. Part of my deal is to grow in acceptance & understanding & patience. There is always the option to talk to a sponsor or AA friend before & after a meeting or go to the meeting after the meeting at coffee. I also have to remember that meetings are NOT the program. They give me a place where I can share my experience, strength & hope with others and they with me. It's also a place where I can be of service and help others. Sharing is only one part of the deal. There are also lots of different meetings with different formats. I always have the option of attending one of the smaller meetings in town where I'm nearly guaranteed the opportunity to share.
Thanks for sharing.
I often point folks to page 18 of the Big Book and tell them that is our benchmark for behavior. When discussing the fellowship with new folks it always comes up "Why are some of the oldtimers a bit grumpy" I ask them:
" How many funerals do you think we have been to?"
I am a career military man. In my work I have met many men and women who suffer PTSD, which often results from being around a lot of death. As much joy as there is in AA (watching people recover is wonderful) it does not take away the sting of attending funerals of sponsees, friends, and just folks you see in the rooms.
One of my dearest friends relapsed after 15 years and to this day cannot (or will not) make it back. It is sad and tragic. Sometimes in meetings I hear things he used to say, it can be easy to drift into remorse.
The newcomer becomes my salvation in this regard. Chapter 7 of the Big Book gives me my marching orders. So I always ask the new guys to pray for those of us who have been on the firing line awhile longer. Lord knows we need them!
I can hear some of our oldtimers exclaim: You are only
six months sober; what could you know. Well, I believe that
you have described about 10% of what is wrong with today's
A.A. Stay with us and maybe we can pinpoint the remaining
90%. I really enjoy A.A. too. and want it to be even better. A
warm light where everything was so black and dark. Rose
I hope your message is read by the multitudes. Simply
going around the room "round robin" would solve the
problems you write about. And they are problems, although
most A.A. members today will say "no problem here". We
ought to encourage newcomers to participate, without requiring them to do so. We ought not make a spectacle
of the newcomer, nor allow a newcomer to make a spectacle
of himself/herself. But try to take away some oldtimers
right to dominate and control the meeting and the ire
When the opportunity presents itself, introduce the topic at a group conscience meeting. If there is no such thing call one and vote to change the format. You may meet some resistance at first, but just explain it the way you did here. Don't run away, insist on being heard. In the
meetings I attended in the decade of the seventies, we
always just went "around the room". Every member was
treated as an equal. Equality is a vital ingredient in
recovery. That is how A.A. was born. ANONYMOUS
i felt, and sometimes still feel the same way. and then i got a sponsor, worked the 12 steps and stayed sober. then i went in the opposite direction, it was painful to listen to people really new. i have more patience and tolerance now. if there is something i really need to say, i have a sponsor, a spiritual advisor, and a support group. i don't presume that what i have to say is any more important than what anyone else has to share. if nothing else, i learn patience and tolerance. what you are getting is priceless, a good dose of humility. the book tells us what to do, and no alcoholic likes to be told what to do, and yet it persists, my life is better so its all to the good. my lesson is that i know what i don't want to do, God-willing, should i become an old-timer
I greatly appreciate your comments on AA meetings.
As with all issues there are at least two sides. My first meetings where open speaker meetings. The group conscience of that group elected a chairperson who would choose speakers for the meeting that week. This was highly effective. The meeting never had the opportunity to become a group therapy session, as so many newcomers from rehab believe AA is.
The group shared experience, strength, and hope with each other before the meeting, during the meeting as the speaker spoke, and after the meeting. All the group members were encouraged to read big book(where we can see precisely how to recover), get a sponsor and talk to that sponsor, and join a home group that met at the same time and same place each week.
From what I recall the group required you to be a year sober before you were asked to speak at the meeting. This way the newcomers had a chance to work the program before speaking. In this way the integrity of the AA message was somewhat preserved. The newcomer had every opportunity to share with their sponsor or others before and after the meeting, but the meeting was preserved to carry AA’s message or recovery, something the newcomer is not well equipped to do prior to working the program of AA.
I was told and still believe it to be true, that I was given two ears and one mouth for a reason. I did not care for that phrase then, but heck, I didn’t like any true statements then!
The preceding it just an example of how one group chose to run it’s own affairs. As the 4th tradition states, each group is autonomous.
Us as a newcomer, as long as we have a big book and a coffee pot, we are free to start our own meeting run as we see fit. We ought to 12 step some alcoholics newer than us and start a group more to our liking. When we complain about how our meetings are run outside of our group consciences, violates our tradition of unity – tradition 1. The other 11 traditions are how we maintain our unity.
Good luck to you and God as you understand him bless you
Thanks for this message. It explains an elementary
principle of equality. We come together in Alcoholics
Anonymous, newcomers and all others, on an absolutely
equal basis. (in theory). Today's sponsor will
vehemently reject this idea. To do so would remove all their
power and prestige.
This is one area where a simple solution exists. Simply
go around the room for sharing, allowing every group
member time to share. Share the message and share the time.
Sharing by "show of hands" is EGO building, at a time
when EGO deflation at depth is essential. This practice
started around 1980 in meetings I attended. For years I
silently questioned this practice. I did not understand
why it bothered me. Today I consider it an awful blunder
and has harmed A.A. at its core.
Yes, A.A. has become a Program of teachers, preachers,
and advisors. But this mistake can be corrected. You
have done A.A. a great service, by pointing it out from
a newcomers point of view.
Today, the newcomer, fresh out of rehab, is the first
one with a hand up. This is what he/she has been told to do. The person sitting in fear and sweat will be the least
likely person to put a hand up. Every member is an equal.
Allow everyone equal time. ANONYMOUS
Typical treatment industry psychobabble. Tradition Five states that an AA group's purpose is to carry the message to the alcoholic who still suffers. The pamphlet "Problems other than alcohol" goes into more detail by stating that sobriety, freedom from alcohol, through the teaching and practice of the Twelve Steps is the sole purpose of an AA group.
I wish more of our local groups would call on the oldtimers first. We used to be told that we should first learn to listen, then we could listen to learn. I don't know how anyone can expect to learn when he's talking.
Newcomers are her to learn how to stay sober, not to teach us what happens when we drink or let us know how their day is going.
Perhaps if newcomers wouldn't wait until the last minute to come to a meeting they could talk to someone before the meeting starts. And if the didn't dash out as soon as it's over they could talk to someone afterward.
Ado10416, I absolutely agree with you. When I first got sober, it was the Oldtimers who spoke and showed us newcomers with their Experience, Strength and Hope how to stay sober and to work this simple program of AA's 12 steps....and most of our AA group stayed sober and passed on the message of Hope, because we keep it unless we give it away, and we can't give away what we do not have.
So yes, we are all equals when it comes to the disease of alcoholism... we all have Untreated Alcoholism when we first come to AA. AA has a solution that works, when we work it.
When I was a newcomer, I NEEDED to listen to those who HAVE the Solution and passing it on ...because without them....I would have left AA and died DRUNK.
Untreated Alcoholism KILLS, whether we drink or not!
There are many discussion meetings today that start off by asking if there is anyone with 24 hours who would like to speak! Then anyone with 30 days or less. What are WE listening to when WE do that...The Mess....Not the Message of Hope or how to stay sober, that's for sure.
Its our responsibility as AA Group members, who have worked this program and who have ES&H to share, to pass on what AA IS and what AA isn't. To be accountable to our AA groups as informed AA Group members and who ought to be unafraid to Take Back Our AA group meetings. AA is NOT a therapy group, AA is not a place to complain and whine about our day, our way. Sobriety, freedom from alcohol, through the teaching and practice of the Twelve Steps IS the sole purpose of an AA group. How True!
I see so many newcomers today coming in and going out repeatedly. I have attended the funerals of so many who had no clue HOW to stay sober and live a life second to none, one step at a time, one day at a time.
I just want to thank you AD010416...for sharing the truth. Oldtimers need to pass on what was passed to them, and not have to sit and listen to anyone go on and on and on about the MESS! If we do not change the person we bring through those doors of AA by working, applying, practicing and passing on the 12 steps... then we stay absolutely miserable and eventually get drunk.
It is OUR RESPONSIBILITY to put into practice every one of our AA Traditions to keep the AA Group focused on why WE are gathered together: “Sobriety—the freedom from alcohol—through the teaching and practicing of the twelve steps is the sole purpose of an AA group.” — Bill Wilson
RE: Psychobabble. I assume this message is directed at
me. I was never involved with a treatment industry. I have
always felt that we ought to only cooperate. But of
course we have seriously violated Traditions six and eight.
On page 70 in AACA Bill W. writes about the equality
of all members, new and old. He uses the example of
what worked when he met with Dr. Bob. It was each
alcoholic's need for each. Remember, Bill had been
working with numerous alcoholics without success until
he changed his approach. Bill explains that this meeting
on an equal basis is at the heart of all 12th step work
today. This concept has been lost in today's A.A.
You may think that no one learns anything from talking.
I disagree. The AA member learns that sober members of
Alcoholics Anonymous (real original AA) care enough
about him/her to listen to what they have to share. This
gives them the chance to get used to the sound of her/his
own voice. We ought to just sit quietly and listen as
each person shares.
Maybe if we make the newcomers feel welcome, they will
be more likely to arrive early and stay late. In my
own home group, newcomers stay around and delay going
home. I sense an attitude of real spiritual arrogance
in most of your messages. This spiritual pride and
arrogance have all but ruined our fellowship. ANONYMOUS
I am not sure what AACA is, but if what you are sharing is Alcoholics Anonymous and Cocaine Anonymous together as one.....THAT is a clear violation of every single AA Tradition WE have in Alcoholics Anonymous. And its a clear violation of every single Cocaine Anonymous Tradition that CA has.
If I am incorrect in what I interpreted by AACA, I apologize.
I am not sure why you believe that what ADO10416 shared is a violation of Traditions 6 and 8... I don't see that at all.
The 12 Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous are written in order for a vital reason. They BUILD on one another to keep AA as a whole, AA groups and AA members IN UNITY for Survival.
Tradition One - "Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon A.A. unity."
The very first sentence of Tradition One, on page 129 in the Twelve and Twelve is VITAL....its says the following:
"The unity of Alcoholics Anonymous is the most cherished quality our Society has. Our lives, the lives of all to come, depend squarely upon it. We stay whole, or A.A. dies."
Further on in Tradition One, on page 130 in the Twelve and Twelve is the following...again, VITAL to the Unity of AA.
"They see liberty verging on license, yet they recognize at once that A.A. has an irresistible strength of purpose and action. "How," they ask, "can such a crowd of anarchists function at all? How can they possibly place their common welfare first? What in Heaven's name holds them together?"
Those who look closely soon have the key to this strange paradox. The A.A. member has to conform to the principles of recovery. His life actually depends upon obedience to spiritual principles. If he deviates too far, the penalty is sure and swift; he sickens and dies.
At first he goes along because he must, but later he discovers a way of life he really wants to live. Moreover, he finds he cannot keep this priceless gift unless he gives it away. Neither he nor anybody else can survive unless he carries the A.A. message. The moment this Twelfth Step work forms a group, another discovery is made - that most individuals cannot recover unless there is a group.
Realization dawns that he is but a small part of a great whole; that no personal sacrifice is too great for preservation of the Fellowship. He learns that the clamor of desires and ambitions within him must be silenced whenever these could damage the group. It becomes plain that the group must survive or the individual will not."
Alcoholics Anonymous Comes of Age ... AACA
"Alcoholics Anonymous Comes of Age" was first printed
in 1957. It is "A BRIEF HISTORY OF A.A." I believe it to
be Bill W's finest work, as equally important as the Big
Book. The Big Book is our personal guide to sobriety.
Knowing the full history of Alcoholics Anonymous is vital
to the future of our fellowship. By five years of sobriety
any serious member ought to own AACA. By ten years
it should be read and studied. Note: It IS conference
approved literature. ANONYMOUS
I agree with Robert F, some of us are demanding rule following. But we should also keep in mind that many coming in need a little firmer hand holding than others. On a one to one basis maybe the suggestions could be given to a new comer more emphatically. But I agree the shares in thew room should leave the words "got to" out of the conversation.
The story describes a members sister that is ravaged by the disease and on a ventilator near death. She miraculously recovers and when she gets out the member states that she will be a part of her life sober or drunk, as she continues to have difficulty staying sober. I think this is an important topic, do you disown everyone who doesn't recover, or do your forge out a relationship, not an enabling one, but at lest spend some time with the person before the disease takes them. If you see it as a disease how could you look at it any other way
the twelve traditions of a.a. are important to keep a.a. going for the future.they also develope spirtual growth in the understanding of true unity.
I just read the story "White Collar" by a priest in the October 2012 issue of the Grapevine and it reminded my of my sponsor who was also a priest. I remember another priest coming to him and asking, "Father, should I wear my collar to meetings?" My sponsor is all his wisdom told the young priest, "Son, I wore my collar to jail. I see no reason for you not to wear your collar to an AA meeting."
Another story from North Alabama. There were several priests from a monastery in our group. One night a lady, a daughter of a Baptist preacher, came to her first meeting and saw five "backward collars" sitting in the room. She knew these men for they were also professors at a local church school. Her comment, "If religion or education would do it, these men would not be sitting in this meeting." She went on to become a long time sober member of AA.
I see no reason for there to be criticism of what someone wears to an AA meeting.
Thank you to "Anonymous" who wrote "Church Bash" in the most recent Grapevine issue. I too witness a tolerance (thankfully) within our rooms for just about any type of higher power beliefs (or non beliefs)...with the ironic exception of Christianity. I've been to meetings where members nod in agreement or acceptance of comments regarding the occult, eastern religion, worship of crystals, a Great Spirit, etc. But the moment someone mentions Jesus or Christianity, eyes start rolling. There is no room for such intolerance or discrimination in our beautiful program--please let's be mindful of this. In any case, I pray that the author called Anonymous will not leave our rooms--we need more of him/her in attendance to not only stay sober and be part of our fellowship, but to be there for a newcomer who might dare slip the J-word when sharing his or her experience, strength and hope. Thank you for writing the article; please keep coming back.
Let us look at the big picture. Many of us come to AA with resentment toward a religion we were exposed to as a youth and to a God of our understnding at that time. It even tells us that in the Big Book. Here in the USA a vast vast majority or us would have been exposed to the Christian religion. When I share my experience, strength, and hope on the topic I share that I had resentments toward religion and toward God. I also share that I ovecame those resentments and have had a spiritual awakening as a result of working the steps. Some people may take that as religion bashing but it is not. When the topic comes up, Christianity of some form is all that most of us know. If you hear people that say they have "worked" the steps and they still God bash and religion bash....they missed the boat, must not have read the book, and are working their own program, not AA.
Regarding the minister that feels that his Christianity is not accepted in AA meetings. I hear what you are saying. In my AA meetings that I go to when I share about being Catholic I usually say "AA has helped me return to the church of my youth..." I too have felt at times that, that every other type of religious activity was respected, but it was still OK to make jokes about my church. However, when I have heard more than 1 horror story about priests or confession or wealth I just ask my Higher Power for strength and I go at the break or after the meeting and put my hand out to the member who shared. I bring up another topic. I have ceased fighting everything and everybody. I have to to stay alive.
Dear Reverend, please do not leave AA. Please tell your fellow churchmen (Evangelical, Jewish,Baptist, etc.)that we can help them stay sober. Mary Anne B.
i have had this problem in my district as well. we even had a gso speaker at our area convention who beat up her old religion.so i went to the top and said to the area delegate and said this has to stop what can we do. he said nothing.i was beside myself with confusion.it just so happens i am the dcm.so i research this issue and found that on page 192 of our step book it clearly states religion is an outside issue that we have no opinion on.and should not be talked about in aa meetings.at my next aa district meeting i told all my gsr's to announce this at their meetings and the result was great once people new that they were hurting the chance of success for people who love their religion but for what ever reason can't get sober.if the hand of aa is always going to be their it should be their for all not just the people who think there way to a higher power is the only way,i am a christian but in an aa meeting i talk of god because aa's job is to get people sober.the churches job is to save their soul and what is done with sponcee's is up to the sponcer.you can say your higher power is jesus but quoting the bible or koran or any other religious text is an out side issue
I too have run frequently run across religion bashing: at meetings, district business meetings, and even on the area levels at assemblies. And as suggested, I hve approached the speaker after these meetings to express my feelings.
After an assembly I even presented that same page 192 to the speaker. And have always been dismissed. Did they perceive my discussion as a personal attack? Perhaps. They never articulated how they felt in return. As always, a member should get thier sponsor's input.
Yet the response I got regarding page 192 at a Round-Up discussion panel on "Spirituality and Higher Power" was unanimously in agreement. So why then does this outside issue of religion come up in AA in the form of bashing?
As I have confided in my sponsor, I find bashings are like festering resentments. I am an alcoholic by my own choosing and did not need to point my finger at anyone but myself. I am not unique. We all had families, jobs, relationships, and other justifications we used before coming through the unlocked doors of AA. We all have outside issues but they just do not belong in an AA meeting.
As a regular member of AA, I must admit that I have been one of those who has had some unkind things to say about organized religion, particularly the one of my childhood and drinking days. After a meeting a year or so ago, a lady came up to me and told me that she didn't like what I said and I, at that moment, realized what I had been doing. I watch my share now when I get into any part of that story so as to not offend.
Now as for Christian bashers in general, I see a lot of that in AA and in the world in general. Christians are counseled by their "Book" to know that they will be hated by the world for their beliefs, so I have come to expect it from some unthinking individuals. It doesn't hurt to voice your opinion about this unwelcome conduct following a meeting or to the individual who is perpetrating. You may find that it will work for you like it did for me. Phil in California
Many addicts, such as myself (I am also an alcoholic) attend AA because it works. NA has a different atmosphere, in my experience. The majority of people at the AA meetings I go to are also addicts. The big book talks about drugs and they are also part of Bill's story. If I am coming to AA for help and it is working for me, then what is the problem? Who is anyone to exclude someone from a program that is improving their lives and keeping them sober. AA is not exclusive to ANYONE. Alcohol and drugs generally go hand in hand, and drugs such as opiates are become the top abused drug among up and coming generations. The program helps people stay SOBER. Alcoholism and addiction are a set of behaviors and a mindset. Whether you used alcohol or drugs is negligible. I identify myself as an alcoholic in meetings because I am not unique and don't need to separate myself by saying alcoholic/addict. I can identify with the feelings or emotions from alcohol or drugs. Why? Because we go through the SAME stuff. The only difference is the actual drug we used.
The meeting I attend and it was decided by A Group Conscience that the meeting and any aa speakers or those sharing keep their talk or share to alcohol or recovery from alcoholism. This request is read at the start of each meeting.
Although I was a drug addict I try to honor the group's request when I share, but I do try to mention that I have used drugs or was a drug addict just in case there is someone who has some ??? or needs help with that addiction.
Listening to some early AA speakers talk about going to their 1st AA meeting back in the 50's 60' 70's and how the AA meetings seemed to be attended by mostly old men. Some of the AA speakers said at that point they decided AA wasn't for them or they were TOO YOUNG to be an alcoholic and continued to drink.
So Identifcation seems to be an important to some who decide to check out AA. Too bad there isn't some kind of notation in the local AA meeting listings which would describe if a meeting is Alcohol Only or Drugs & Alcohol.
To the those looking for some NA or Other Addiction help.
www.xa-speakers.org has speakers for Cocaine and Marijuana addicts.
I guess I can start identifying myself as an alcoholic and a Capricorn. I'm sure there are others who can identify with the frustration of having a birthday so close to Christmas and getting shortchanged on gifts. It's enough to drive any sensitive person to mood altering substances.
A drug is a drug, right? As someone posted before in this forum, a truck is a truck, so when your house in on fire call AAA to send a tow truck.
Apples and tomatoes are both fruit, though many people thinki a tomato is a vegetable. Both are usually round, usually red, juicy and used in many ways. But if you run out of apples when baking pies I wouldn't recommend substituting a tomato or two.
Has it ever occurred to you that there might be one or more compulsive gambler in an AA meeting? Over eaters? Ask yourself how often you have heard someone share at length on his/her gambling or eating disorder. Then ask yourself why it's only addicts who insist that AA change its traditions to accommodate them.
I agree. As I understand it, our Fellowship ought to be as inclusive as possible--never turning away anyone who has, (or thinks he might have), a drinking problem. To me, this means that a person can have an addiction to everything out there and still be a member of AA if he wants to address the drinking problem - EXCLUSIVELY. I attend group meetings that adhere to this principle, asking people to leave other issues outside the door, and they can pick them back up when they leave.
I will qualify myself as a cross-addicted person but I cannot imagine myself mixing my nicotine addiction with my alcohol addiction at an A.A. meeting, nor can I believe it would have been tolerated for long anyway. Anyway, I quit smoking without having to announce at A.A. meetings that I had a problem other than alcohol.