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All of the Above
How do you know when enough is enough?
One day out of total frustration I asked my sponsor: What
is it you want me to do? Go to more meetings? Build up my career? Spend more time with
my kids, my wife, my brothers and sisters, or my sponsees? Focus all my time on
helping others? Work out? Relax and enjoy the fun things in life? Please,
just tell me the one thing that I am supposed to do, I thought,
and I will do it better than you can imagine!
He answered: "Do some of all of the above." no! I thought. Please
don't say that. How much is the right amount? When do I stop one
thing and start another?
Now that I have been sober for many years, is it okay to miss a meeting if my family needs me
to do something for them? If I'm asked to run a project at work, is it
okay if I work 18 hours a day until it is done? How much golf should
I play? The day I played 61 holes and wanted to play "just one more
hole" before the sun set—was that okay? If I'm working out for the
10th day in a row and a sponsee calls, should I tell him I'm busy?
After my 17th day on vacation, should I call work and tell them
I'm resigning since this vacation thing is really feeling good?
With this kind of thinking, it makes me laugh when I hear someone say at a meeting, "I just
wanted to have a couple of drinks and not get into trouble." That's
one thought I never had! The few times I have pondered relapse in
my sobriety—usually when things are not going my way—have me
going to the liquor store and buying all the liquor they have, and
then getting all the drugs I can get and drinking or taking them all till
there are no more left. That's how I am wired—black and white; all or
nothing.
So as I have gone through the journey of sobriety, I have learned
to accept my makeup and understand that what I need to do is
rather simple, although not easy: First, give up totally all those things
that are harmful to my goal of being happy, joyous and free, such as gambling, nicotine, or, most importantly,
alcohol, including food with even do and I will do it better than you can imagine!' a bit of alcohol in the recipe.
The reason is clear: If I do just a little, I am going to do it until there is no more or until I die.
Now the difficult part: How about all of those things that are
good for me and a normal part of a full, productive and happy life? The
Big Book and wisdom from the Fellowship of AA clearly tell me that
once I am out of the grips of my alcoholic compulsion and have a solid
foundation in AA, I can and should fully reengage back into the reality
of my world.
How do I do this? How much of each thing? Any specific instructions? no. Instead, the direction
comes from the spiritual awakening I have as "the result of these Steps,"
sponsors I can ask how they know "when enough is enough," meetings where I can share my thoughts
and questions and get the opinions of others and the guidance from
that "small still voice of my Higher Power" who whispers to me (when
the channel is clear and I am willing to listen): "Okay, Rick, that's enough,
time to move on to something else."
Balance is a difficult thing for everyone, certainly for alcoholics. I
will never get it exactly right, since the world in general, and my place
in it, change on a daily basis. However, I know this: With the program
and my God, I have been given tools, which I never had while I was
drinking, that give me a chance to live a full and happy, balanced life.
Could I ask for more?
Rick H.
Roselle, Ill.
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