A God of My Understanding
Agnostic as a beginner, she keeps her faith private.
Spirituality is a feeling received from practicing a spiritual life. it is a connection of mind, body and
soul. there are many ways to practice spirituality. Some believe it is a faith in the God
of their understanding; some use a Higher power that is an altogether different perspective than God.
In my recovery and in the rooms of alcoholics anonymous, I separate spirituality and
faith. I pray to a God of my understanding and I meditate to gain spirituality. this is my
personal belief in how Step Eleven is working in my life.
When I was a newcomer, I could not understand the concepts of spirituality or faith. I had no God of my
understanding. My alcoholism was at the forefront and it told me that the Fellowship was wrapped around
God and religion. My clean and sober struggle was now forming. I was advised to go to 90 meetings in
90 days.
What I found was a continuing struggle with the Twelve-Step program. I was constantly bombarded
with vocabulary of people's personal views on faith and individual relationships with their own personal
God. although I needed to hear how their God kept them clean and sober, I didn't need to know who their
God was. the Big Book states that the God of your understanding is a personal relationship. to me that
means between the member and his or her God. the more sharing I heard using references to the Bible,
church and personal gods, the more discouraged I became. I had no God, and I certainly was not open-minded
to yours.
I found that the simplicity of Step two was finding a solution with a Higher power. that Higher
power does not have to be God. it was told to me by other members that this could be a spiritual connection
that does not include God. Still perplexed, I battled to understand what spirituality meant with no
relation to God. in reading appendix II in the Big Book, I have come to understand the profound changes
that come from spirituality. it states: "Most of us think this awareness of a power greater than ourselves is the
essence of spiritual experience. Our more religious members call it God-consciousness." the appendix goes
on further to state: "We find that no one need have difficulty with the spirituality of the program.
Willingness, honesty and open-mindedness are the essentials of recovery. But these are indispensable."
I found that there are tools for spirituality; some come through meditation and some through faith.
Faith is a glorious gift and an evergrowing personal connection with the God of your understanding.
Spirituality can be different than faith, and there are tools for gaining a spiritual feeling.
There are many faiths in the rooms and spirituality comes in many forms. For some it is as
simple as lighting a candle or playing music, for others as complex as a Native american vision quest. It
can involve the spontaneity of a Christian's prayers in the street or the rigorous structure of a
Muslim's five-times-a-day prayer. it is africans and Sufis expressing their spirituality through dance, Jews
studying the torah, Buddhists doing meditation and Hindus looking for divine signs in common objects.
these are all personal tools of tradition, faith and spirituality.
If another alcoholic wants to hear more about my thoughts on this, I will take it outside the rooms
on a more personal level. I feel that religious beliefs have no place in the rooms of our Fellowship.
When I go to an aa meeting or event, I want to hear how God (not someone's religion) keeps him or her
sober. I want to know what tools others use in their spirituality to grow and live a more serene
existence. I have my own understanding of God today, and that is personal to me.
Judy R.
Peoria, Arizonak
As a newcomer, the author of "A God of my understanding" struggled with faith and felt bombarded
with other AAs' personal views on faith. "I want to hear how God, not someone's religion, keeps him or
her sober," she writes. Eventually developing a spirituality, she does not share about it in meetings.
What do faith and spirituality mean to you? You may use this topic at a discussion meeting or share your experience on the i-Say bulletin board.
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