13 Suggested Steps for Staying Drunk

  1. Never drink before noon if you won't wake up until 11:59 AM.
  2. Never eat on an empty stomach; have only two or three drinks before meals, including breakfast.
  3. Learn to count: "One, two, three, four, two-or-three, two-or-three, two-or-three. . .,"
  4. Buy two pints at a time; only alcoholics buy their booze by the quart.
  5. If straight liquor is messing you up, switch to mixed drinks (shots and beers); if it is the hard stuff that's doing it to you, stick with wine and beer (glasses of wine with beer chasers).
  6. Drink only for medicinal... Login to read more
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