From the October 1985 magazine.

You Can Go Home Again

THE NEXT-TO-LAST chapter in our Big Book ("Freedom from Bondage") tells the story of one of our members who nurtured a resentment against her mother for twenty-five years. I read and related to it. My resentment was forty-one years old when I was six years into sobriety. But I couldn't get rid of it. The formulas could displace it temporarily until I received her next demanding letter. I would react to it; she would react to ray reaction; and so on. Neither of us could let go, or find what we were seeking.

When I was six years old, my mom was taken from me and placed in a state mental hospital. A terrible hole was left in me, and nothing I have experienced in life could fill it. As long as I was drinking, I was unable to analyze those fears and what they were doing to me. In sobriety, even God's love was not enough. I know today his need was to fulfill us both in each other. (God has needs, too.)

-- D. J.

Alameda, California

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