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February 2000

The Long Haul

When I came into AA in March 1981, I was full of rage, and torn by fears and paranoia. I brought with me another burden and this is my reason for wanting to share my experience. I was born with a mild form of spina bifida, which in me causes severe muscle spasms and other physical problems. In addition to this I had polio at age nine and the onset of arthritis in my early thirties. When I say I came to AA a very hurting human being I'm not exaggerating. I was a daily drinker and a belligerent one. I never hid my alcohol or sneaked to drink; I was an in-your-face type of drunk. I never allowed myself a hangover because I felt I hurt enough already. If it was bad enough I drank for breakfast and if not, I'd use pills to get me to lunch. I was also on Valium to help with the muscle spasms, which were severe.

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