From the April 2010 magazine.

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He knew all the liquor stores within 10 miles, but couldn't quiet the voice inside

I AWOKE in a cold sweat on a couch with a voice screaming in my head. I must have passed out early. I looked around to see where I was. When I realized it was my house, a brief second of peace washed over me, but then the screaming in my head quickly resumed. I could hear the upstairs shower turn on. When I heard my wife climb into the shower, a mad dash to find some booze was on. I looked in all my usual hiding spots. No bottles. I went and looked in the garage and found an almost empty bottle of vodka. There were maybe three shots left. As the warm vodka ran down into my empty stomach another brief second of peace came. Then the screaming resumed.

I ventured up to the bathroom and started brushing my teeth. My wife said nothing. I went to my son's room to wake him up. He was grumpy and my patience was non-existent. I began raising my voice for him to get up. My wife came in and said, "Go get in the shower. I'll take care of him." I didn't argue. I got into the shower and turned the water on as hot as it would go. I sat down in the tub with my back against the wall and let the water take away my shaking. I tried to tell myself that the shaking was due to my being cold. However, the voice told me it was because the vodka hadn't kicked in yet and that it wasn't going to be enough anyway.

-- DOUG E.

Indianapolis, Ind.

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