From the October 2007 magazine.

Not Enough Days

Alcoholism around the clock

Like many people, i came through the doors of AA desperate and full of fear. Chaos ruled my life. Yet, I did not want to give up drinking because alcohol was all that kept me numb to my inner pain and self-hatred. Although I was afraid of alcohol, I was more afraid of being without it. It was a mystery how the people gathered around the tables of AA could be sober for four hours, let alone for twenty-four. Then there were the old-timers with years of sobriety who, I believed, had to live in a world different from the one I inhabited. It seemed to me that only someone from another planet could not drink for so many years and enjoy it.

During my first years in AA, most of my story could be found in the stories of other members who had less than a year of sobriety. I could relate to them. With the Fellowship, a sponsor, and working the Steps, sobriety happened a day at a time. However, after a time, I found myself "restless, irritable, and discontented." I was not physically drunk but I was so difficult to be around that some people probably wished that I would go back to drinking. What was wrong?

-- D.T.

Albuquerque, New Mexico

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