From the July 2010 magazine.

Recovery is a Wonderland

A story of redemption, rebirth and filling the void within

One Sunday in 1983, a major turning point occurred in my life when I walked into a convenience store. They were selling a certain brand of beer I liked for the first time in Florida, so I bought a couple of six packs to celebrate. Why do I remember that occasion so well? Once I started drinking that day, I was not able to stop. It was as if I had crossed an invisible line that had always been there; my descent into the abyss began. The abyss was the dark void of pain, shame, fear and loneliness that had always existed within me. Drinking alcohol somehow made everything bearable, it anesthetized my feelings and let me forget my fears.

Soon I was in complete seclusion, isolating in my apartment. By then, drinking had become my entire life. I lived to drink and drank to live. Alcohol became my lover, best friend and confidant. Nothing else mattered, except having another drink in my hand.

-- EVE MARIE

BROOKLYN, N.Y.

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