From the November 2010 magazine.


MORE than anything, I wanted to honestly take the Eleventh Step, not pretend I had taken the Eleventh Step. By that I mean I wanted to follow the sentence introducing Step Eleven in the Big Book, which states, "Step Eleven suggests prayer and meditation." It does not tell me, "Step Eleven suggests prayer and meditation, if you feel like it, and it's convenient and easy . . ."

Prayer, even when I am being honest, is simply prayer. It is my asking. Meditation for me seems to be a grownup version of prayer, the mature of offering of myself, without need or agenda, and the willingness to listen to an answer, even if the answer is silence. For this alcoholic, meditation is all about growing up; it is about new knowledge and new ideas. Meditation for me is a venture into the unknown, a gamble with my pride, a true leap into powerlessness.


Staunton, Va.

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