Magazine

Published March 2011.

Step One on Repeat

On her one-year anniversary, a member recalls the fear and excitement of early sobriety

I woke up this morning and my first thought of the day was ... I am one year sober today.

A year ago today—right at this very moment—I was slamming down some wine while getting ready to head to the hospital. My faithful sisters, Tiffany and Vicki were by my side. I was excited, confused, and most of all scared to death. I didn't have complete faith that I would be able to overcome this addiction. I didn't understand how being in a hospital for a short period of time was going to undo what I had done to myself over the past five years. When I said goodbye to Tiff and Vicki and those doors closed and locked behind me I thought to myself, Goodbye to you too. Goodbye to my old life. I was locked in and determined that when I was released I would be a whole new me. Determined, but not completely sure I could make it. I was afraid that it would be too hard and I would end up going right back to my drinking. Right back to shutting out my family. Right back to putting 10 percent (if even that) of myself into my job because my addiction controlled the other 90 percent.

-- Barbara

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