A New Kind of Love
In sobriety, she learned how to love herself and others
I'm sitting at the base of Greylock Mountain, in Atlanta, Idaho. It's very quiet and I have the gift of this opportunity to contemplate. Soon, I will have my three-year sobriety birthday. It doesn't sound like long, but it's not been easy for me.
I am one who has had to work at it. It took lots of changes, transformations, experiences to get here. It's been worth it, though. My heart is beating a sober rythm. I feel so clear and am filled with gratitude. I am experiencing a love I have never known and it truly is grace.
I've done a lot of things in my drinking days that I'm not proud of. Even sitting here, in Atlanta, I have memories of these woods—falling on the way back to the cabin, of conversations in the bar that are embarrasing to remember, of all that beer breath I woke up with.
I used to drive up here while drinking. It's a miracle that I am not in prison for all the drunk driving I did. I can see that now. Back then, I couldn't see a thing except how to get drunk and stay drunk, and sober up enough just to work, until I couldn't even do that anymore.
Walking into these rooms of AA when I was lost, blind, and when I was at the end, was the best thing I ever did for me.
As I sit here in the mountains, away from the city, away from meetings, away from fellowship, I notice that this love, this peace and serenity I feel is due to finally learning how to care for myself. I am able to sit still and breathe mountain air. I can have a clear, coherent conversation with my friend. I can live and function on a daily basis. I can do all these things without a beer by my side.
Most importantly, I learned how to love. This love is not the slurry, blurry, mushy, crazy, on a buzz, calling people at two in the morning love. This is a love that comes from a place of peace and serenity inside. It is not clouded by alcohol. It is inner truth. It is clear. It is still. It is silence. It is a love I have never known, and I'm so excited for more! I am beginning to experience some happiness.
My heart is full and resonates like a drum to the rhythm of a sober walk. It's because of the program of AA that I am here. For this, I continue to buy a ticket for a seat in this place! What a great ride!
—Brenda M., Boise, Idaho
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