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Published April 2012.

Lady Love

In sobriety, she learned to respect herself and how to build relationships

When I came into AA I knew I was sick. I had been in misery for ten years or more. My whole world was sick and my attitude was badly skewed. Only looking back now, can I see the full extent of my misery. It had just become a way of life. I didn't really like other women that well. I thought they played some kind of game of life that I wasn't privy to. I found men weren't as judgemental about the vast quantities of liquor I could hold. It was a badge of honor in the beginning. By the end, it was just sad. I was good entertainment for the men, though.

I saw nothing wrong with sex for sex's sake, for sheer enjoyment without real love. Of course, I didn't at that time even know what real love was. I didn't know that I had lowered my own expectations of myself to the point that self-abuse seemed normal. I gave no thought to the truth as I now know it. I couldn't face the fact that people don't really respect a promiscuous woman. I didn't respect msyelf either, didn't think my actions with regards to sex were a problem.

-- Candy A.

Morgantown, West Virginia

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