On Awakening
The first time I did the Third Step I just wanted to get my sponsor off my back. I was still under the impression that I was in control of my thoughts, actions, and the outcome of both. It took many more failures of my self-will, and my stinking thinking, to approach this Step in earnest. I had spoken with many men whom I didn't fully trust, even though they had been willing to share their experience with me, and had asked nothing in return. Each one of them expressed that this Step was crucial if I wanted to be on a spiritual path, which I still wasn't sure I wanted to. I harbored a deep resentment toward God for taking from me family members too soon and for keeping me alive after my suicide attempt. And it was very difficult for me to accept that I would have to turn control of my life, my actions, my thoughts, my relationships, and my future over to a power greater than myself.
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