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Spiritual Playground

A member discusses getting sober and learning to accept God's plan

Do you ever look to the sky and wish for a sign? Do you ever wish to see just a glimpse of home or heaven, as some call it? Ever wish to return "home" but realize that you have yet to finish here on earth whatever God's plan is for you? Has anyone ever lifted your spirits so much that you knew in their heart was a love that only God could have put there?

Recently, as I sat in an open field of tall grass and wild flowers yet to bloom, looking to the heavens above with tears in my eyes, I realized that I've met many wonderfully spiritual people in AA, whose hearts are full of the unconditional love I failed to return. I also realized that for many years I despised men for my own insecurities, when all they ever wanted was to be appreciated and to have a simple relationship I was unable to give. It also occurred to me that relationships with women proved difficult over the years for no other reason than a character defect I had. I use to think jealousy blanketed women when I was the one who resented them for their ability to be successful where I could not be. I longed to be a good friend to everyone and desired to lift a man up high if I ever brought him down but alcoholism prevented me from such attributes.

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