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Letter from Scotland

A man reflects on a lesson he learned at a meeting in America

In August 2006, I made a trip with my family to Huntington Beach (and also Encinitas), my first time in America. It wasn't a holiday I would have chosen and I had no intention of liking either the people or the country. I was still very resentful of everything and though I hadn't drank for 18 months, I had neither sobriety nor God in my life. My family were still very angry at my virtually destroying their lives over a period of 14 years of increasing alcoholic drinking and it was their idea for this holiday. I had no say in the matter and I behaved like a child full of resentment.

Some four weeks before my last drink, I was literally on my hands and knees in despair. I had lost my job and any feeling of self-worth some years back. My life was desolate and I was an empty shell, no emotion, no spiritualty. In all sense and purpose, I was dead and I could see no way out of the alcoholic mess I was in. It was then that I told God to screw off and I shouted at him, that I rejected him. I wasn't to know that he would never reject me. I went into the local alcohol unit for a sixth time and on coming out, in desperation, I went to AA.

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