From the July 2013 magazine.

July 2013: At Wit's End

Wrong floor

A drunk falls out of a second story window and is lying on the ground.

Another man runs over and asks him, “What happened?”

The drunk replies, “I don’t know, I just got here.”

—Mark C., Peabody, Mass.

Drunken safari

You’re riding a horse at full speed. There’s a giraffe on your right, keeping up with you, and there’s a lion directly behind you, right on your tail.

What do you do?

Get your drunk a–– off the carousel!