Magazine

May 2011: Uncomfortably numb

She had to drink to keep running—only AA stopped her.

Almost immediately, I got right back into the swing of my old lifestyle, hustling and doing whatever I could to stay as numb as possible.

I am 43 years old, and at the time of this writing, I’ve been sober for four months. To some, that may not seem very long. To me, every single day I don’t pick up a drink is a true miracle.

My long, sordid love affair with alcohol has proven painful and devastating. I have lost those I love most, to say nothing of material possessions, jobs, pets and all the time wasted in jails and institutions.

When I was 13, I snatched a collector’s bottle of Jim Beam from our kitchen and told my parents I was going out to walk the dog. I had no destination in mind or plans of any... Login to read more
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