From the June 2000 magazine.

A Fresh Big Book, a Pen, and Some Paper

That morning, after another night of hopeless efforts to reach obliteration, I stood at my front door, crying, thinking about how to end all the pain and misery that my drinking had caused my family and all those around me. Death appeared to be the only answer. I had often used the word "suicide" to get my way or gain sympathy; this time I was actually considering ways to do it. My roommate's jaw hit the floor when I expressed sincere despair. I was at the end of a year-and-a-half drunken fog.

I'd been to AA before over a drunk-driving episode. My efforts then were to please the judge and my grandpa, who had joined AA when I was three and never drank again. I had two years and three months of sobriety when I ran to the beer store for a six-pack to make my soon-to-be-ex wife feel guilty for trying to make my life miserable. Around that time, I heard someone at a meeting say, "If you're going be sober and miserable, you may as well go and get drunk." So I did. I'm here to say that if you are sober and miserable, stay that way. Somewhere along the line the answer to your misery will be revealed.

-- Dave C.

Melvindale, Michigan

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